Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[raincereal]

i don't know. melancholic or hollow, or something of the sort

 

[druggedonsurvival]

Not too bad actually. I don't trust it though.

 

[Dark Moon]

I feel like absolute shit tonight. I feel like crying but I can't because I will look weak and pathetic.

 

[deathslament]

just taking the plunge and jumping from the location i remember

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Grateful and confused. Very weird combination.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel like shit today, but what else is new? I keep on thinking about things, like how much of a failure I am or about how I feel like I've been on a downwards spiral since grade 11. It's funny, because I've felt like crap throughout a good chunk of my life, but for some reason during the second semester of grade 10, a few months after that one suicide attempt that landed me in the hospital, I felt good. I felt normal. I don't know why but I felt a lot better than I usually did. Then it all came crashing down by grade 11.

I'm also feeling insecure about my waist size, despite my waist not even being big. It's actually small, but I keep on feeling as though it's getting bigger and it makes me feel insecure and worrried. Idk why, it just does.

Anyway, I might go buy some shrooms tomorrow (if I'm able to build up the courage to do so). Turns out there are a bunch of illegal shroom dispensaries around the city I live in. I'm hoping to blow some cash on that stuff.

 

[NullSz00]

Just letting the time pass by...

 

[LoiteringClouds]

It's 1 AM here. I woke up in the middle of the night and the first thing popped into my mind was:
"Damaging disgrace, how stupid the sound,
That disabled a wretch like me"

Great.

 

[captivebutterfly]

Exhausted

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I am right now feeling regret, as I have decided to take some shrooms despite me not having a scale and thus being unable to properly measure out how much I took. I didn't take that much so it probably shouldn't be that bad, but I'm still a but anxious. On the brightside, at least I had the guts to in and buy some.

Edit: I don't think I had anything to worry about since I don't feel anything so far...

Edit 2: Am I high? I honestly can't tell... I do feel pretty good right now though. I feel great actually. I also feel a lot more open than I usually do. I'm finding things more amusing than I usually do and I honestly feel more honest with my emotions right now.

I'll probably buy a scale to measure my doses with tomorrow. For now, I'm going to keep on listening to The Garden and Enjoy and enjoy myself (pun intended).

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Depression is kicking my ass again. Hardly did anything all day. I want to crawl in a hole and die.
So tired. I can't wait until life is over for me. 0 joy....
Apologies for the music thread blasts. I guess I don't have much to say anymore. I hope I don't live to see another year.
I don't have any energy left.

 

[departindarkness]

Exhausted

 

[trashprincess]

After thinking I didn't really have much in the way of trauma, over the past two months, many of my memories revealed themselves to be traumatic I think

There's a lot of myself I never really took seriously, particularly how much I feel like an object. But things start to make more sense when I imagine my experiences actually effect me.

At this point these thoughts are consuming me, and combining with being burnt out from my latest attempt to take care of myself, to send be spiralling into despair.

Just now I was thinking of the memory I think of the most and it made me very uncomfortable in a way it never had before.

I'm starting to really feel this ctb thing...

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I'm at work and going insane!
No matter how hard I try,
I get nothing but the cane!
Now all I can do is to cry...

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm a bit stressed out since tomorrow I'm going to ask the school about if I'll be able to enrol for summer courses.

I'm also happy because I bought a pocket scale that I can use for my shrooms. I also decided to be an idiot and try them out again today. They are starting to take effect right now. I'll probably log off this site this time around just in case my trip goes badly. I seem to have a bad habit of having mental breakdowns on here whenever I'm not sober, lol.

 

[Final_Choice]

A weird mix of emotions, kind of crazy and manic but also depressed and collected while just overwhelmingly exhausted. I have everything I need to CTB but I can't leave things how they are at the moment so I can't, so I'm just holding my bottle of SN imagining taking it and finally being able to rest instead of doing anything else that I should be doing and will regret later for not doing it.

 

[trashprincess]

Now older than my brother was when he ctb'd. Doesn't feel like I accomplished anything. I wanted to be the one to ctb. Luckily it's never too late to die...

 

[Promised Heaven]

Haven't posted in the forums for a bit...glad to be back. I'm losing it.

Spoiler: Touch Starvation

It's been forever since I've cuddled with someone, or even comfortably touched.
Oh, to be rubbed in the back of the ears and hugged and have my hair played with and told all is good in life.
That despite everything hurting, despite struggling to not CTB, this single moment, even if temporary, makes everything okay again. That I'll come out of this alright. That I can be here again tomorrow.
Years, too many years I've missed this. I can't even ask my friends for this because it feels too embarrassing. I don't know where to feel it.
Yeah, I'm touch starved. Yes, this is weird. I want it IRL, none of this virtual *hugs* or .

I need IRL friends, I'm absolutely lonely, but 90% of my communication with anyone is here on SaSu. God I'm pathetic.

 

[Unhumanly.]

Sometimes I get too addicted to a certain kind of feeling that got me question do I enjoy or suffer from it

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Im in such a good mood right now. That man was so sweet. He chatted with me the entire time throughout the night. Hes so sweet. Im so happy right now.

 

[GreenLBMD]

I am in pain due to my inability to excuse my pain. I trapped myself in a paradox of my design and it has led to me neglecting other aspects of my life.

 

[Meteora]

Please give me a gun. I need mercy.

 

[Placo]

Words, they always win, but I know I'll lose.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

I feel desperate and pathetic. I feel my heart beating so loud. My eyes hurt from crying. Help

 

[trashprincess]

I want someone to take care of me

I would make the bestest house wife ever

It just feels so impossible

Isolation too hard to escape

 

[Salvation_]

I was actually doing okay at the beginning of the year, but I'm starting to get extremely worn down emotionally every day (no details, but I have to support someone when I'm barely keeping it together myself). It's really taking a negative toll on me. I don't know for how much longer I can do this. It's killing me slowly, eating me alive. At this point, I wish I could just get swallowed whole in one go instead. Much less painful.


Some extroverts really don't understand how drained an introvert can get.

 

[marchshift]

I feel immense pain witnessing society collapse. It hurts so much and I don't know what to write.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

eugenics but just for myself? (is it that bad)

 

[Promised Heaven]

Let me see the world for what it could be. I want to live. I want to feel my sensations go overload and sink deeper into the reality that life sucks and I'm just trying to pretend it's okay by zoning out into what we call a miraculous wonderland. But it is okay! It has to be! Let me be okay! Let me grab life (body pillow) tightly and let's hold on together (crying very hard because trauma response and coping REALLY hard rn).

I can take it, show me the harsh realities! I will stare it down with my own two eyes.

Actually, probably, not. Idk. Still kinda want to CTB kinda, life still sucks. I'm just really giggly and excited about buying cannabis soon and my rushing thoughts are already making me slightly high. God I'm pathetic.

 

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Empty. Like there's a hollow pit in my stomach.