Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Dr Iron Arc]

Just last month, things seemed a lot more hopeful for me. Where did I go wrong? Was I really supposed to do something different? How else could I have changed things. I keep daydreaming even at night that maybe if I were to tell her how I really feel that she would scold me for being this anxious over her. That I shouldn't be using my lack of experience as an excuse for not being a good person and just trying to have a real conversation with her. I'm just too scared though. I don't know how to stop this fear I constantly have to face. In these daydreams of mine she also always realizes how much of an idiot I am and promptly tries to get me arrested for being such a menace to her. I don't blame her if that's the case.

 

[Meteora]

I feel anxious, lost, betrayed, hurt, humiliated......and I m afraid of always hoping again just to end up hurt and suicidal. It feels like a betrayal to myself, what on earth am I waiting for? If not now, then when?

 

[HereTomorrow]

Head spinning. Have just woken up from an SA-relsted dream and ran to the shower in the middle of the night impulsively trying to wash the "ick" off my body. Staring at the ceiling of the shower, on 3-4 hour sleep, world spinning, covered in a ton of soap, and in a body that I desperately want to be out of, I question, "What has my life gone to?".

My head still spins, but I'm alright to sleep again. I'm out of it, and don't want to keep dreaming. I want to curl up and cry for the childhood I should of had. But I'm 22 now, and too tired to overthink right now. I'll eventually slither away into unconsciousness and gamble once more if I have a good dream or not.

 

[kilowatt]

Sad. I miss my friend and girlfriend. I've been lonely

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm in a pretty good mood right now. I video called the old dude for the first time today, so I got to hear what his voice sounds like. He also seems to really like me a lot. My period is also just came, which seems like a weird thing to be happy about but I suffer from PCOS so I'm usually pretty happy when it's able to come on it's own without any medication.

 

[throneofdispair03]

exhausted.. (i did nothing today)

 

[broth0100]

Weird like im in limbo.. like im on a tightrope between hell and purgatory maybe? Uncomfortable 24/7 bc of it. Cant rest properly

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Quite buzzed not fully drunk I don't think but if I was drunk I'd probably do something extra stupid. I really love hating myself.

 

[Meteora]

Sad, exhausted, hopless, in depression I guess.

 

[narval]

I'm tired, boss

 

[Meteora]

I'm tired, boss

Play that ukulele a bit slower then :)

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Rejected tired

 

[Zegers]

Physically sick from an empty life, thought it could be the disability or depression/anxiety but for a couple of years now i've been having constant headaches and pains in different parts of body, physical discomfort.

Method is finally ready, hopefully this summer i will leave.

 

[bipbapbop]

Sad sad sad sad. Just so sad.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I just wanna exist without being sexualized.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I saw the lid of a washing machine remained open. I told my mom "the lid of bathtub is open." (in Japanese.)

I'm so confused, to the point where I can't even tell the name of household appliances correctly. How can I confuse a washing machine with a bathtub?

 

[HereTomorrow]

Sharp stomach pains, stressed immensely. I am fully aware nothing bad is currently happening to me yet here I am waking up with emotional breakouts. I'll be fine. It'll always pass. I need to curl up, grasp onto multiple pillows for dear life, and process these emotions once again. And again. And again. Waking up and feeling someone touch my body upon waking up, but it's just my mind.

Alas, the brain is a funny little thing. I kind of wonder if these are PTSD symptoms, but no vivid flashbacks and I can live my life normally after like 30 minutes when these feelings pass. Unbearable in the moment, and yet when it's over I'm doing really great.

Ever since I regulated them to the point where I am not in crisis all the time nobody really cares about me lol.

 

[Bibotik470]

Scared and hopeless. That's all I ever felt for nearly over a year. Facing eviction right now with no other resources to maintain my housing. As long as my belongings are somewhere safe, I really don't care what happens to me anymore. Knowing my things are safe in storage gives me just a tiny bit of hope that I can come back for them and move it all into a new place someday. Trying to find a way to keep my spirits up.

 

[Dliena]

S hit I just wanna leave this life and place so BADLY.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm scared that even if I move on then it just means that this girl was just a step in the road on the way to character development. I don't want some of the worst experiences of my life to help me get better. I want them to feel bad and stay bad. It feels like I need to have these experiences actually permanently ruin my life even though it's totally possible for me to move forward but I just don't WANT to.

 

[Unhumanly.]

I always compensate my lackness by trying to be independent, but nothing will ever make me a perfect human in anyone eyes, nobody will see my effort
everytime I'm in a struggle I always make sure I have to work through it alone if I can before asking some help with other, because it isn't like they have the consideration and initiative to see my struggle in the first place and have the willingness to assist me anyway, so no matter how careful I ask, it always looks like I'm burdening them
Despite my tendency to do anything independently, I am pretty much a considerate person to my surounding, I can always tell if someone is struggling and I often ask if they need my help, but I can't help it too that it feels more draining to me knowing that I can't ever get anything the same in return

can't pour from an empty cup, right?
This same cycle of miserability will always get repeated no matter where I ended up in, then, I HAVE to die, abandonment kills me, I don't want to wait until I'm driven insane enough, I just have to leave, but I hope I am just as unseen when I leave like how I was unseen in my struggle, but I can't control it at the time when it happens, I can't prevent people from blaming me and having a comment about me, I can't prevent people calling me stupid and selfish, I'm already not there

 

[cgrtt.brns]

fucking done. done with everything. i just want to sleep forever. i cant do this anymore. theres no point. i dont want to be here. i cant picture my future because i dont have one. why cant i leave. just let me fucking leave. i hate it here. everything is so painful and upsetting. im such a failure. ill never be good enough. i need to die. ive been saying i cant do this anymore for over a decade. ive reached my limit so many times. why the fuck am i still here. everything is futile. i just want to sleep forever. i hate being awake so much. i just feel like crying but i cant even cry anymore. please just let me go

 

[Malaria]

My disorders are a burden to the people around me, I know it's true even if they deny it, and this is why I wish I had the courage to actually kill myself. Everyone would really be better off without me.

 

[RosesFlourish]

Happy and grateful.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm still feeling incredibly guilty over not telling my family about me being suspended. I feel like it's too late now and I'm too scared that my mom will kick me out if she finds out. I don't want to disappoint them. I'm also still very stressed out because I have no clue as to whether or not I'll be able to take any courses this summer. I hate university.

I'm also a bit annoyed too, since I went on to a thread on reddit where someone claimed that misandry isn't real and there were people on there claiming that it's only something that happens online. Like wtf? Oh, I guess I should have told my dad to just log off whenever my ex-stepmother lashed out and started hitting him and throwing things at him./s

I'm a woman and I consider myself to be a feminist, and I still believe that misandry is a real thing. Just because it isn't as widespread as misogyny and isn't systematic doesn't make it not real. Discrimination can still happen on an individualistic level. Shit like this always annoys me because it isn't productive.

So yeah, I'm stressed out, annoyed, and feeling guilty. What a great day so far.../s

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Why do I still harbor this romanticized notion that sex work is a good fit for me and that I won't be privy to the drawbacks?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Can't sleep yet again. I have to be awake in a few hours.
So tired and I still can't sleep. Just want to never wake up.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel pretty neutral today. Didn't do mcuh outside of trying some fried bakes my mom made using some stuff she got from her trip, along with some sausages. They were good. Besides that, I mostly feel empty. I kind of want to try lsd but I don't know how get my hands on that stuff, sadly...

 

[indignity]

Paranoid and alienated

 

[rozeske]

If I collected all the love I received all my life, it wouldn't even fill my coffee cup. How does someone be born and spend their life just to be hated?