Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Bowerbird]

It is hopeless. I am literally a young man trapped in the body of a frail, sickly girl. I have felt like this for my whole life and have always shown signs of it, it was always super obvious to others that I was not normal. The signs were always there. I was just born like this. But it also feels so hopeless. If I was just born normal most of my behaviour and angst would be seen as normal for an average typical adolescent boy. But I'm not. I will always just be some miserable frail little girl who is considered too dumb and naive and confused to be able to make my own decisions about my own body/life.

Universe, God, whoever or whatever is out there, If I will never be a real man, at least let me be with that one girl I like, at least let me be gay.

 

[Dejected 55]

I feel like my soul has already gone, and I am the shell that remains and I am just operating on autopilot until I use up the remaining energy available to me. I hope my soul is free elsewhere in non-existence to no longer be in pain. I long for the end to come. There is no more hope, I am completely alone, not pretend alone, actually truly fully alone with no one at all. Every moment I hurt and ache for death to take me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Well, I'm stressed out my mood is slightly better. Turns out he didn't break up with me and was just pushing people away because of the state he was in. I'm still worried about him. His health is declining a lot and I don't want him to die. I love too much. I'm also stressed out because I have several appointments as well, including an appointment with a psychiatrist. They said they think they might recommend that I do DBT, depending on whether I qualify or not. I'll also have to see them twice a week for around 3-6 sessions in total. They recommended that I not do any drugs for now, but I still plan on taking some shrooms next week. My mental health only improved before because of them and I want to go back to doing them once or twice a month again. Plus, tripping is really fun. I'll lay off the weed and alcohol for a bit.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

I have so many massive problems in my life and yet here I am feeling extreme anxiety and guilt over a small mistake I made. I'm just not fit for this world.

 

[Dejected 55]

I made a random venting post on a Youtube video. I probably should not have done that... but in the moment it just all spilled out. Probably nothing comes of it. I feel like I scream into the void and no one listens. I'm not even always expecting an answer or understanding... but it would be nice if someone actually listened. I feel like I am capable of so much, that I can offer so much, that I have value and could enrich someone's life as much as I'd like them to enrich mine... but I never get a chance. N one answers the door when I knock. No one checks the mail when I send anything. I can't get into the locked gate at the front of the house... at the end of the driveway... at the entrance to the gated community. I am left out in the wilderness to fend for myself, and I befriend the wolves sometimes because they are all I have... they at least don't hurt me, but they have their own lives and eventually they leave me alone too.

 

[trying ungracefully]

Energetic. Like I want to say everything on my mind and talk to everyone. I drank too much coffee I think. Two cups of regular coffee and 15 oz of a cold brew (so far, going to be 30 oz ). I have nothing to direct this energy towards other than crochet.

I'm a little sad too because it makes me think about the fact that I have no friends to talk to with all of this. I went out with my brother to get the coffee and I talked to my mom but no friends and I'm not talking as much much because we are on a break.

I just want friends because it feels like a piece is missing. I tried online friends but one said something very creepy and the other called me trashy for one story I did as a teen (translation problem I think but it still hurt too much). I was called an attention whore by an old close friend back in high school when she was the one who would baby talk and make out with her boyfriend when I was at his family party with her or while in the hall ways of school.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I can't tell if I'm happy, stressed out, or feeling like shit right now. I have a lot of appointments right now, my bf is going through a lot at the moment and I am so worried for him, and I also passed this one course that I was failing earlier in the semester, meaning that I will be able to do most of the other courses I wanted to do in Fall and winter.

 

[aria_of_a_dream]

Sad and empty, lonely and bored. Mostly just numb

 

[darksouls]

since my amputation I look like I have escaped from a ghost train

 

[bloominghopelessne]

Guilt, duality, fatigue

 

[EmptyBottle]

feeling relaxed, tho also mildly concerned. When I read a goodbye thread that many members (including me) flocked to... the "hope you find peace", "Godspeed", and similar felt almost encouraging, even tho it probably wasn't the intention of the posters.

To me, reading between the lines, I felt like the real thoughts were "1 less suffering person" or similar.

I posted a reply, trying not to sound encouraging, nor "pro-life" (since, regardless of my secret wish for the person to cancel and try something less dangerous... sharing that wish would be futile and just annoy the OP and others)

But at the same time... when I watched about how Fentanyl is smuggled and about it's ODs... I think "yes... it did it's job... tho for the wrong users (those who didn't want to CTB)"... I discover how my mind has morphed a bit.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am lost and abandoned and unwanted. No one cares, and that is fine as it is not owed to me, but it hurts all the same. I can't wait to be gone. I hope when my time comes I am successful.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

I'm so fed up with it all that, if I had a gun available, I might blow my brains out rather than deal with my washing machine breaking down (something that nearly happened this morning, and I may have to deal with not too long from now).

 

[Manaaja]

@LigottiIsRight Birds!

 

[Alexandra_]

Hopelessness.....

 

[Dejected 55]

Stomach ache, headache, heightened nerves and anxiety... always waiting for a shoe to drop.

 

[LostChan]

I feel lost and empty cause these last few days have been eating at my will to sanity like nothing feels the same, I feel like an alien in my own body and I don't really know what to do anymore my friends barley talk to me anymore so I just feel lost

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Do you were have times where you'll have suicidal thoughts and urges just pop up out of nowhere? Like, I don't feel like shit right now or anything and it's not like anything just happened, but I right now have the urge to attempt. This isn't the first time, but it's weird because I keep being asked by mental health professionals about triggers but there are many times where these thoughts and urges pop up without any. I want to blame it on the caffeine, but I've had this happen before despite not having consumed anything with caffeine in it.

 

[Namelesa]

I am sick of that i literally can't choose. I am forced to live by that i literally can't kill myself due to my parent's entrapment. And I truly don't know what I want for myself in this life so i feel completely lost in how i am supposed to not feel depressed. I just want to die but i feel like I shouldn't cus of people valuing me. Why couldn't I be a useless piece of trash so there would be no downsides to me being gone? I am just a tool to be used by others cus I literally don't know what gives myself fulfilment anymore so might as well just benefit others at least. I am tired and just want this to end. Life is just risk to tiredness and pain and stress for me.

 

[nattns]

I feel lonely and sad. Everything I do to feel better feels useless and it's draining my energy. For some reason, I feel like I'm waiting for that message that will save me, but it's never going to come. And still, I have to get out of bed in 3 hours, eat, shower, and go to work with a smile on my face like nothing ever happened lol

 

[Dejected 55]

Floating and drowning somehow at the same time in misery and despair. There is nothing to even try to grab onto to find steadiness. I am taken wherever the currents take me, and never where I wish I would go. I drift farther and farther away from any chance at salvation.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel depressed right now. I also feel empty. I want to die so badly right now. I want to cut myself but I can't at the moment. I don't even know what triggered this.

 

[The Hermit]

I'd like to preface this with saying that I'm relatively left-leaning on most issues.

But I really can't stand most liberals and liberal spaces and their desperate need to moralize every single thing.

I read a quote once that went something like, "Too many people here are concerned with never doing anything wrong instead of doing one thing right".

On sites such as Reddit especially, there's this like... weird thing people do where they make grandiose assumptions about people to make them out to be more malicious than they likely are. Or this voyeuristic judgmental thing where people treat strangers as if they are characters in a movie that they're yelling at, and they get hostile because these strangers aren't making the decisions they want them to make. It's so fucking weird. And these people can be so nasty, rude, and callous, while proclaiming to be good people themselves.

It's like people are so obsessed with seeing the worst in everyone else and it really does read like people are upset at seeing versions/aspects of themselves mirrored back to them. Whenever I see a person totally unhinged and reactive and acting like someone in a video doing something innocuous or slightly annoying is the worst person alive, I assume that that person has something in themselves that they are ashamed of, because people that have pure hearts don't need to judge that fucking hard.

Just overall, we are all operating from ego, that I can understand, but holy fuck... we as society need to give each other grace.

 

[Asahina]

I'm so fucking tired, pissed, anxious, and in dread all at the same time rn....

First day of a new semester so I had it all planned to go to sleep early and then I lie down for 6 hours being completely unable to sleep and now I'm lying here wth only one hour of sleep on a super fucking cursed school day starting from 8:30 am and ending at 9 pm because the only possible times for classes I needed to take are at opposite fucking ends of the day.

Every day I feel like shit during the mornings and day but somehow feel super energized and alive at night and yet everything in this goddamn world operates on a morning start. I'm so cooked after college, I will never survive a 9-5.

Fuck mornings, fuck sleep, fuck mornings, fuck mornings, fuck mornings........

 

[Dejected 55]

I feel like I'm always waiting for a shoe to drop. Sometimes it is a real shoe and does drop something new into my life to have to deal with when I want to deal with nothing at all... other times it is a metaphorical shoe that doesn't drop but still effects me... sometimes there is no shoe at all, I just worry for nothing... but it all feels the same. The pit in my stomach, nausea, angst, being afraid to go outside or do anything or being afraid to miss a message that I need to address or afraid to see that message... it's all just a rolling growing ball of horrible.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So f**kin exhausted.
So tired of work. Others can't do their job which makes my job even more hellish.
I don't even want to be alive !!!!

Depression
Rules
Everything
Around
Me


Every night I beg to die in my sleep.... Proof there is no God !!!!
Every year I pray I won't be here to see the next.

 

[Dejected 55]

Most days it is just too much, then other days it is beyond too much... Days don't get better so much as they just aren't as bad as the day before, but by any other measure are bad. I have ups and downs, but my ups are still downs, just not as far down... I have downs and less downs... that's no way to exist. I'm so tired. Some days I'm literally tired, because I am so weighed down I don't want to stay awake or be up and moving around... it sucks so hard so much of the time... I don't like it.

 

[Cavalcade]

Rage. One of the communities I'd joined just had a beat for beat repetition of 'yeah, people are openly shittalking you on main and I will confirm this is about you, but like, you're the problem for being disabled and people find it distasteful,' so I just left, because I categorically refuse to allow people to have access to the 'warm, lovely parts of you that are nice to have around' if they're going to be a blistering fucking asshole about the fact my legs don't work properly. Go fuck yourself. This is why I reclaim the word cripple because if being confronted with the reality of my disability makes you uncomfortable: good. You should be glad you aren't living this hell, and have the position to be 'grossed out' by it.

 

[CTB Dream]

rly awfl wrld all pain sffr noend

 

[_Gollum_]

Even the "good" things in life come with so much baggage, the cost is almost never worth it, would've been better to just not play at all