Self Harm Thread

[brokenwaves]

my arms look like this a few years later after my last SH (only took one photo, as other arm is pretty identical). i know never to go near my arms ever again thanks to other people in the world and their judgement. my family look at my scars with so much disgust and fear every time i wear a t-shirt they can't stop staring at my arms. my scars aren't really even that bad to me, i was always too scared to do it too deeply and end up needing medical attention. i can never wear short sleeves in public and only recently allowed family to even see me in t-shirts, which i honestly regret even letting them see (or even telling them about it)

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[Mentalmick]

my arms look like this a few years later after my last SH (only took one photo, as other arm is pretty identical). i know never to go near my arms ever again thanks to other people in the world and their judgement. my family look at my scars with so much disgust and fear every time i wear a t-shirt they can't stop staring at my arms. my scars aren't really even that bad to me, i was always too scared to do it too deeply and end up needing medical attention. i can never wear short sleeves in public and only recently allowed family to even see me in t-shirts, which i honestly regret even letting them see (or even telling them about it)

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View attachment 67694

My legs are a mess as well

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[sacrificial lamb]

To be honest, with the pathetic bits of childhood memory that I do have, I still can't exactly track why I started self-harming. I remember the acts themselves, though: biting my fingers until they'd bleed, banging my head against the wall in the kindergarten bathroom, throwing a dining plate at the wall and cutting my face and palms with the pieces when I was what, like, 10? Why would a fucking ten-year-old do that? The plate was green, and I was having rice and chicken for dinner, but I can't recollect why I'd slice my goddamn face to the point where I could only sleep on my back for two weeks.
When I was 12, I'd make fun of kids who self harmed. I'd tell them to try out making some vertical cuts and see what happens.
When I was 13, I stole a razor blade from mum and covered my entire arm with cat scratches. The only thing I remember is the feeling of superiority, again, no recollection of a build-up...
A confirmation that I was sick, and sicker than anyone could expect, a feeling that I have finally found where I belong. I could make myself bleed.
At the time I strived for quantity rather than quality, I liked to cover the entirety of my arms and legs in blood and brown glossy crust and thin epidermis cuts. Again, the feeling of superiority: other self-harmers always long to dig deeper and then barely manage to take care of the single useless cut they'd made, while I could make myself bleed so much, paint such a big canvas and all I had to deal with was the funny feeling of warmth and slight itchiness.
The first time I hit dermis, I passed out and came to the conclusion that I needed to overcome this one weakness. I had to be bigger and stronger.
And here I fucking am, unable to walk because yesterday I severed a nerve in my calf and now have a gaping wound that I don't give enough fucks about to take care of. Fuck me.
Anyway, sorry for the lengthy ass tangent... I had to put it somewhere out there, no one needs or wants to hear all of this, that's for sure.

 

[Soulless Angel]

My legs are a mess as well

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View attachment 67698

Jeez dude!!!

Anyway, sorry for the lengthy ass tangent... I had to put it somewhere out there, no one needs or wants to hear all of this, that's for sure.

The whole point of this thread is too vent, its why we are here

 

[Mistake of Nature]

I recently cut for the first time in almost 5 months but I ended up feeling worse because I couldn't go deep enough. I hate how pathetic this makes me feel.

Has anyone ever cut their face/neck? I've been getting very strong urges to do so, but I can't because of the obvious difficulty of hiding the scars. I also want to start cutting my "clean" arm because I'm running out of room on the other, but I'm trying to fight off those urges as well.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Dropping to bump this and scream that I cant have a blade sharp enough to do more then just a few damned cat scratches! so frustrating, but maybe a good thing? who knows

 

[sm20]

I once sat on a railing of a balcony about 20 feet in the air and jumped onto a wooden floor, didn't even get a bruise from that. The other thing isn't typical self harm but I used to always listen to music at max volume assuming I'd kill myself before I saw any consequences from it. Now I've got permanent ringing in my ears and hypersensitivity to noise which involves physical pain, feeling like my ears are full and need to be popped and it makes the ringing louder. Biggest mistake of my life.

 

[spoiledapplepie]

I've been self-harming since I was 13 or so. Sometimes it's cutting and sometimes it's just stuff like hitting myself with things until I bruise or bleed. Most of my cuts aren't that deep, but especially lately I've really been wanting to cut deep, but it's hard because I have super weak grip. I think I'd really like to die whilst bleeding or with deep cuts.

 

[AloeGarten]

I recently cut for the first time in almost 5 months but I ended up feeling worse because I couldn't go deep enough. I hate how pathetic this makes me feel.

Has anyone ever cut their face/neck? I've been getting very strong urges to do so, but I can't because of the obvious difficulty of hiding the scars. I also want to start cutting my "clean" arm because I'm running out of room on the other, but I'm trying to fight off those urges as well.

not to encourage it, but when i get drunk i often cut my neck or forhead, resulting in a lot of regret the next morning. to die you gotta cut very deep which is hard, to hide the neck ones i just put my hood up and forehead i put my hair down over my forehead. though i wouldnt reccomend it, its more annoying hiding it than it is satisfying. i usually just punch myself these days xd

 

[Rayzieka]

I have quite a history with self-harm as well with the main method being cutting.
My right leg is very damaged and it bothers me that I can't wear shorts anymore.
I don't know how people have the guts to cut their arms- it's so easily seen there.
Other ways I've harmed myself are heating up metal and stabbing them into my skin, which seems to melt in like a hot knife on butter.
And smashing my head into door frames, or scratching at my arms during extreme panic attacks.
I regret it every time I cause major damage to my leg but it's already so far gone I know not even 50 more years would heal the scars.

 

[Mentalmick]

My right leg is very damaged and it bothers

I'm the same. Can't wear shorts or anything. And my calves have large numb patches and the hair doesn't grow properly anymore.

 

[SelmaJezkova10]

I started cutting at 14 years old, I stopped doing it for a while, now that I am 20 I did it again and now I have a barcode on my arm. I stopped for a couple of weeks at the request of my boyfriend, but one day I ended up cutting my thighs from stress. It is liberating for me, the more I do it, the less it hurts.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Bumping this back up , how are peeps doing??

 

[Mentalmick]

Bumping this back up , how are peeps doing??

Haven't done it for over a month now. Small victories.

 

[Mistake of Nature]

I hope you all are doing better than me.

Spoiler: NSFL (seriously, it's vomit-inducing) – 2nd degree burns

I burn and burn and burn and burn but I can't fucking numb the pain inside. My arm is swollen and painful now, and the blisters are leaking. It's so disgusting. But I deserve it.

I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this horrible face and body. And I'm really sorry if I'm spamming the thread. I hate this so much I hate myself so fucking much. I'm a waste of everything and I'm tired and I don't want to be here anymore.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I hope you all are doing better than me.

Spoiler: NSFL (seriously, it's vomit-inducing) – 2nd degree burns

View attachment 69901

I burn and burn and burn and burn but I can't fucking numb the pain inside. My arm is swollen and painful now, and the blisters are leaking. It's so disgusting. But I deserve it.

I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this horrible face and body. And I'm really sorry if I'm spamming the thread. I hate this so much I hate myself so fucking much. I'm a waste of everything and I'm tired and I don't want to be here anymore.

fucking hell dude, please tell me you are going to get that treated or at least do something to keep that cleaned up. I so sorry you are in such a place mentally that you ended up resorting to this, no judgement from myself at all, you don't deserve this no matter how much your mind tells you other wise, Never apologise, you are not spamming, this is why I did this thread,
talk to us,

 

[Makko]

I hope you all are doing better than me.

Spoiler: NSFL (seriously, it's vomit-inducing) – 2nd degree burns

View attachment 69901

I burn and burn and burn and burn but I can't fucking numb the pain inside. My arm is swollen and painful now, and the blisters are leaking. It's so disgusting. But I deserve it.

I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this horrible face and body. And I'm really sorry if I'm spamming the thread. I hate this so much I hate myself so fucking much. I'm a waste of everything and I'm tired and I don't want to be here anymore.

You're pretty metal.

 

[Mentalmick]

I hope you all are doing better than me.

Spoiler: NSFL (seriously, it's vomit-inducing) – 2nd degree burns

View attachment 69901

I burn and burn and burn and burn but I can't fucking numb the pain inside. My arm is swollen and painful now, and the blisters are leaking. It's so disgusting. But I deserve it.

I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this horrible face and body. And I'm really sorry if I'm spamming the thread. I hate this so much I hate myself so fucking much. I'm a waste of everything and I'm tired and I don't want to be here anymore.

I'm posting these to let you know you're not on your own:

Spoiler: Deep cut ahead

 

[Bedrock48]

I hope you all are doing better than me.
I burn and burn and burn and burn but I can't fucking numb the pain inside. My arm is swollen and painful now, and the blisters are leaking. It's so disgusting. But I deserve it.

I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this horrible face and body. And I'm really sorry if I'm spamming the thread. I hate this so much I hate myself so fucking much. I'm a waste of everything and I'm tired and I don't want to be here anymore.

I'm so sorry you're going through that much mental and physical pain.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Well I have gone a week without any self harm, not through lack of want, but purely i am pretty much not allowed to shower on my own any more, and I never get other time alone!!

Hows others doing?

 

[Stjt2222]

Not much as I usually cut my ribs.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

[Mistake of Nature]

This is an album of what I did in the last week or so, along with some burns that aren't pictured (NSFW and sorry about my gigantic fucking disgusting pig leg)...I'll only post my favorites here:

Spoiler

Got a decent amount of blood considering it was only one cut. Too bad I can't go deeper.

I am nothing and I will always be nothing.

The dumbest part is that all of these were done because a person I love doesn't feel the same way about me. I wonder if anyone else here has self-harmed for a similar reason? I feel so stupid and juvenile and thought I was smarter than this. It sounds bad but I wish I could erase him from my memory.

I'm so tired of self-harming. Of hurting. Of being me. Of thinking so much. My brain just won't shut the fuck up. I want to die and need to die.

 

[Foogs]

Oh hey, there IS a thread. Hi I cut myself today for the first time in like 5 years

Ended up doing a small cut... just a little X on my upper calf. Probably won't even scar. I forgot what it actually felt like. The steadiness of my hands finding the right pressure, that first prick of pain to know it went in, the angry twitch of my lips as I drag it across. It felt good.

This is an album of what I did in the last week or so, along with some burns that aren't pictured (NSFW and sorry about my gigantic fucking disgusting pig leg)...I'll only post my favorites here:

I am nothing and I will always be nothing.

The dumbest part is that all of these were done because a person I love doesn't feel the same way about me. I wonder if anyone else here has self-harmed for a similar reason? I feel so stupid and juvenile and thought I was smarter than this. It sounds bad but I wish I could erase him from my memory.

I'm so tired of self-harming. Of hurting. Of being me. Of thinking so much. My brain just won't shut the fuck up. I want to die and need to die.

Daaaaaaaamn that's wild. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain it requires that much cutting. If it helps, I've started self harming again because I lost the person I love (due to my disability ruining things)

 

[littlelungs]

This is an album of what I did in the last week or so, along with some burns that aren't pictured (NSFW and sorry about my gigantic fucking disgusting pig leg)...I'll only post my favorites here:

Spoiler

View attachment 70885

Got a decent amount of blood considering it was only one cut. Too bad I can't go deeper.

View attachment 70886

I am nothing and I will always be nothing.

The dumbest part is that all of these were done because a person I love doesn't feel the same way about me. I wonder if anyone else here has self-harmed for a similar reason? I feel so stupid and juvenile and thought I was smarter than this. It sounds bad but I wish I could erase him from my memory.

I'm so tired of self-harming. Of hurting. Of being me. Of thinking so much. My brain just won't shut the fuck up. I want to die and need to die.

Holy fuck. My heart hurts for you, and truly goes out to you – and everyone else in here. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

To answer your question... yes, I've self-harmed because of this reason before, and reasons that are similar. To name a few:

- I've sat on the ground and cut my legs and let myself bleed out until someone called me back.
- I've cut and tried to quit my job (back when I was still "functional" and barely able to work) because someone tried to give me constructive criticism and I'm too fragile to handle it, and feel like a fucking failure who can literally never do anything right, ever.
- I've burned and cut myself because someone didn't like me back.
- I've hurt myself because someone made a new friend and I was afraid that they would like them better than me and not want to talk to me anymore.
- One time, all in one evening, I cut myself, banged my head against the wall, tried to buy a gun to shoot myself with, and applied to be a camgirl, all because someone I was interested in (and thought was interested in me back) didn't acknowledge me in the way I thought they would.
- One time I ended up hospitalized after cutting and scratching myself because someone was studying and didn't have time to talk to me.
- I've even self-harmed just by merely THINKING about the fact that my husband, at one point in the distant past – before he even met me – was in love with another woman, and I was afraid that he would leave me for her. Like, for FUCK'S sake, he loves me to pieces and tells/shows me that all the time, he puts up with my shit, he's faithful to me, he married ME... and I'm all wound up because of something I thought up in my head.

I was an adult when all of this happened – borderline personality disorder can actually go fuck itself. I understand how it feels so "juvenile", "stupid" and embarrassing (I feel the same whenever I hurt myself), but I completely understand where you're coming from. Like, COMPLETELY. Sending hugs your way, for whatever it's worth.

 

[PaxAmerica]

I started by striking hard objects like planks and metal poles in garden. Then throwing myself against walls and banging my head really forcefully against walls and doors to point of nearly knocking myself out. Stopped for 2 years but started again. Also now use compass needle to scratch my left wrist. Not draen blood but the scars are appearing.

 

[Foogs]

I started by striking hard objects like planks and metal poles in garden. Then throwing myself against walls and banging my head really forcefully against walls and doors to point of nearly knocking myself out. Stopped for 2 years but started again. Also now use compass needle to scratch my left wrist. Not draen blood but the scars are appearing.

I wish I could bang my head against the wall but with my health i could dislodge my cervical spine

 

[DoughRedMead]

A cashier in local grocery store had cut marks over his forearm. He had a polite smile and proudly in short sleeves. Makes miss the days when I was just cutting not planning ctb

 

[Foogs]

Missed that itchy scar feeling. It's kind of annoying but also so satisfying, like how a hot shower kinda makes it itch and scratches it at the same time

 

[Mistake of Nature]

Oh hey, there IS a thread. Hi I cut myself today for the first time in like 5 years

Daaaaaaaamn that's wild. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain it requires that much cutting. If it helps, I've started self harming again because I lost the person I love (due to my disability ruining things)

Thank you, and I'm sorry that you've cut again after not doing so for so long, and also about the loss of your relationship. I hope you are staying as safe as possible with your self-harming.

Holy fuck. My heart hurts for you, and truly goes out to you – and everyone else in here. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

To answer your question... yes, I've self-harmed because of this reason before, and reasons that are similar. To name a few:

- I've sat on the ground and cut my legs and let myself bleed out until someone called me back.
- I've cut and tried to quit my job (back when I was still "functional" and barely able to work) because someone tried to give me constructive criticism and I'm too fragile to handle it, and feel like a fucking failure who can literally never do anything right, ever.
- I've burned and cut myself because someone didn't like me back.
- I've hurt myself because someone made a new friend and I was afraid that they would like them better than me and not want to talk to me anymore.
- One time, all in one evening, I cut myself, banged my head against the wall, tried to buy a gun to shoot myself with, and applied to be a camgirl, all because someone I was interested in (and thought was interested in me back) didn't acknowledge me in the way I thought they would.
- One time I ended up hospitalized after cutting and scratching myself because someone was studying and didn't have time to talk to me.
- I've even self-harmed just by merely THINKING about the fact that my husband, at one point in the distant past – before he even met me – was in love with another woman, and I was afraid that he would leave me for her. Like, for FUCK'S sake, he loves me to pieces and tells/shows me that all the time, he puts up with my shit, he's faithful to me, he married ME... and I'm all wound up because of something I thought up in my head.

I was an adult when all of this happened – borderline personality disorder can actually go fuck itself. I understand how it feels so "juvenile", "stupid" and embarrassing (I feel the same whenever I hurt myself), but I completely understand where you're coming from. Like, COMPLETELY. Sending hugs your way, for whatever it's worth.

It's terrible that you've been through so much pain. I can relate to a lot of the types of thoughts you've described here, and it's absolute hell. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

I genuinely appreciate the support that many have showed to me in this thread. I was planning on self-harming again tonight but decided not to as you all made me feel better :)

 

[Foogs]

Thank you, and I'm sorry that you've cut again after not doing so for so long, and also about the loss of your relationship. I hope you are staying as safe as possible with your self-harming.

Thank you, and I am. I sanitize and everything, and I don't think I'll do it much more. There are only so many places to cut and levels of severity that won't get in the way of my medical treatments.

Plus I just love scars aesthetically, so I'm fortunate enough to have some fun with it and it's not just misery