Self Harm Thread

[Soulless Angel]

I see self harm mentioned a lot on this forum, but never one set area for it.

So I wanted to do a thread where people can come and talk freely, seek support, Share images, {but please spoilers first}

Self harm goes unnoticed, but its a path many of us walk. Share your story, support and more here?


This is not a thread to encourage self harm, Before you get to that point, please seek help, or talk here so we can talk you out of it!

 

[Symbiote]

I used to self-harm when I was in my teens and early 20s, but cutting left scars and was more noticeable. I started banging my head with my fists and objects instead. I stopped for awhile when I got away from that environment, and started again 2 years after being married due to marital stress and all the fights I get drawn into. I would beat my head so much and so often I get brain fog and a mild concussion. The more I self-harmed the more comfortable I became with taking my own life eventually.

I don't hit my head anymore, the novelty and pain for soothing doesn't work like it used to. I'm at the point in my life where either I'm going to try and live or I'm going to kill myself. No need to soothe myself with behavior that only gives me headaches or leave a scar. SH was just a bandaid to calm myself and avoid issues. I have to face them from now on.

 

[elfgyoza]

I started scratching with scissors to distract myself from the shitty intense emotions depression gives you sometimes, it evolved into cutting. It always feels like it helps, some days it's the only way to keep living.
Tbh I'd love anyone to help, any good coping mechanisms? I went from cutting daily to, all of a sudden, nothing. Been in hospital for 2 weeks and all that seems to help is banging my head on the wall, but I know that makes noise and I don't want to disturb people...

 

[FluffyDove]

I started cutting myself when i was 12 and have used it to cope throughout my life. I go through phases, sometimes I stop for awhile but its an addiction, a bad day always brings me back to it, then I need it more and more until there isn't any space left. Then I bang my head. Then I starve myself. At my most stressed, I even bit myself. I'm fucked up.

 

[PursuitofWonder]

I started self harming a couple years ago. Kinda unlike others I tend to have large gaps in between harming. What happens is that I stay clean for upwards of 6 months then have a large breakdown and cut upwards of 10-15 times in a day then recover and repeat. Wish we had better ways to cope with stuff like this. I tend to rationalize it by saying it doesn't matter if I hurt myself because I'm going to ctb soon either way.

 

[galaxyencrypted]

I see self harm mentioned a lot on this forum, but never one set area for it.

So I wanted to do a thread where people can come and talk freely, seek support, Share images, {but please spoilers first}

Self harm goes unnoticed, but its a path many of us walk. Share your story, support and more here?


This is not a thread to encourage self harm, Before you get to that point, please seek help, or talk here so we can talk you out of it!

I love cutting myself. the scars I make, how much blood comes out. I don't feel like the cut is good enough unless it's bleeding alot. sometimes I worry that I'll cut too deep and fuck up my hand or fingers but I think I know my limits. I don't cut to die, I just cut to see my body like that and to feel that pain. to be fully honest I use to cut for attention (I was in like 6th grade, don't judge), now I cut just for me.

 

[Soulless Angel]

My story on self harm, I want to say it started briefly as a teenager, but a memory reminded me last night, that I actually did it once when I was a lot younger, but that's a memory I don't want to walk down now,
I did it as a teenager, not badly, nothing serious, and tbh I don't know why I did, but I did. I stopped within 6 months or so, but took it up again as a young adult, never bad, nothing serious, slight cutting sometimes bashing myself on a wall,
My life changed and I was able to once again over come it

Fast forward to May 2019, and it hit me harder then it's ever done before, now I cut, but never deep, that's not through lack of trying, its simply through lack of anything sharp enough, my arms are now covered in scars, white lines, and are a constant reminder, I feel no shame in them though, I don't hide them, in fact i sometimes wish people would see them, then maybe just maybe they may believe the pain I have been in,
My husband, says he dislikes seeing them, he does (unintentionally?) make me feel shit about them

I can take or leave the cutting, same as bashing my own head or other body part (which ever has the less noise, as I can get mocked if he hears me beating the shit out of my leg!)

its so hard, do I wish I could stop? Nope, because the amount of anger within my soul at my mere existence, I would rather take it out on myself then I would anyone else

 

[sweater]

I've been on and off self-harming since I was about 13 (?). Whenever the suicidal ideation started, the self harming came with it. I sometimes go periods of time without doing it, but lately it's been more and more something I turn to.

My favorite place to cut is my wrist, but can't do that without getting hospitalized, and I don't want to worry my partner to the point he feels the need to do that to me. I have scars all over, honestly. If not my wrist, I'll cut whatever I can get. Whatever is easiest to hide from whomever may be looking.
My shoulders, my chest, my stomach, my thighs. I even cut my back a few times, although it wasn't satisfying lol.

I don't even know what I get out of it? I guess the pain, seeing the blood and seeing the way they scar up.

Sometimes I wish I could stop, but it is what it is at this point, I think.

 

[painoflife]

Self harm has been something I have done on and off for over half my life.
Mostly I cut myself but then one time I decided to take an aspirin OD alongside cutting to make it seem worse (visually) without me actually doing more physical damage. That started a pattern of taking ODs whether it was over the counter or prescription medication, my partner is on a lot of strong pain meds so I sneak a few at a time to save them up then take them. I don't do this with an intention to die, it's completely different!
When cutting I get this sense of being able to see why I am hurting and I understand it, which is the opposite of how I feel emotionally because I don't understand that fully. I guess it's to show myself how much I hurt, it isn't for others because I am very ashamed and hide it. I then enjoy looking after the wounds afterwards. It is nice to clean, steri-strip and dress them. I hate when I get carried away and have to get them glued because I want to fix it myself. I can watch them heal and know that my body can fix itself, unlike my mind. It is very self soothing for me and I know this sounds messed up to people who cannot relate.
I will hold off doing another OD for a while because the last one was quite traumatic. I ended up in A&E before the critical first hour was up and they made me have charcoal. Some hours later I had the mental health assessment where I literally threw up black vomit into my face mask (while wearing it) then all over the mental health liaison team. They tried to make a joke of it but I have never been more embarrassed.

 

[lookingtoendit]

I hit my shins with a glass paperweight this morning . The pain was a nice distraction for a few minutes.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Cutting is my go-to.
I don't consider anything else "successful"/" meaningful self-harm tbh(for me personally)

Although today I hit myself to the point of pain, as I have in the past but, it just doesn't give the same release as cutting does.

I stopped cutting bc it wasn't safe to be displaying mental illness around my shit family. Now I do not have any reason to not do so but, I thought I was working towards developing "healthier" skills.

Not really and I use a specific blade but in general, need to get one.

Cutting again will be part of me reclaiming my body for myself.

 

[BRAINWORMS]

I scratched myself a lot when I was 14 and stopped after being hospitalized and getting body checks from my mom. I held myself over through high school by using a lip plumping lip gloss that works by irritating the skin and leaving it temporarily red and raised.

I really picked it up again in college, first by bruising myself with a hammer and then periodically scratching. I've recently progressed to a box cutter. I don't do it too often, but I know that my body is going to look nasty come summet. I'm hoping that Bio Oil will lessen the marks.

Any tips for fading scars?

 

[Weary Soul]

I see self harm mentioned a lot on this forum, but never one set area for it.

So I wanted to do a thread where people can come and talk freely, seek support, Share images, {but please spoilers first}

Self harm goes unnoticed, but its a path many of us walk. Share your story, support and more here?


This is not a thread to encourage self harm, Before you get to that point, please seek help, or talk here so we can talk you out of it!

I really agree with you here, and think that a separate section (if possible) would be really helpful for this.

I have a friend whose underage niece cuts. Her mother is frantic because she does not know how to help her daughter and is paying 200$/week for a therapist that has not helped her daughter at all.

Self harm comes in so very many forms: cutting, smoking, drinking to excess, drug addiction, comfort eating, pervasive and unrealistic negative self image and thoughts, etc. Not to mention ctb (the penultimate form of self harm IMO).

I do not know if other forums exist that provide support to those who self harm, but creating a separate area here where people who are at the end of their proverbial rope because of self-harm tendencies seems to me a good thing.

People who suffer form this may be able to find support and acceptance (note - not encouragement to continue down this path;); something that some may really need (and I totally understand the desperate need to be understood and accepted for who I am - flaws and all - without judgment).

Maybe a mega-thread?

What a wonderful and kind idea.

<3

 

[Soulless Angel]

I really agree with you here, and think that a separate section (if possible) would be really helpful for this.

I have a friend whose underage niece cuts. Her mother is frantic because she does not know how to help her daughter and is paying 200$/week for a therapist that has not helped her daughter at all.

Self harm comes in so very many forms: cutting, smoking, drinking to excess, drug addiction, comfort eating, pervasive and unrealistic negative self image and thoughts, etc. Not to mention ctb (the penultimate form of self harm IMO).

I do not know if other forums exist that provide support to those who self harm, but creating a separate area here where people who are at the end of their proverbial rope because of self-harm tendencies seems to me a good thing.

People who suffer form this may be able to find support and acceptance (note - not encouragement to continue down this path;); something that some may really need (and I totally understand the desperate need to be understood and accepted for who I am - flaws and all - without judgment).

Maybe a mega-thread?

What a wonderful and kind idea.

<3

this I was hoping could be a mega thread, but didn't want to title it as so, as not sure the etiquette on that

 

[Weary Soul]

You could ask the mods (@mods), they have been incredibly willing to accommodate suggestions. I have seen many requests to them implemented and this is very rare IME from what I have observed on other forums.

Another place to make this suggestion is in the new Meta area under suggestions. See https://sanctioned-suicide.net/forums/suggestions.15/

:)

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Cutting is my go-to.
I don't consider anything else "successful"/" meaningful self-harm tbh(for me personally)

Yup. It just feels different compared to everything else. If I'm incredibly desperate I'll do something else...but there's nothing like cutting tbh.

I thought I was working towards developing "healthier" skills.

Agh, I'm so sorry. I really wish you luck.

 

[Mistake of Nature]

I've been cutting for 10+ years. It helps me to make my emotional pain "real", I enjoy the blood and scars (they are the only things I like about my body), and tending to my wounds is a form of self-care for me, as odd as it may sound. Unfortunately, I need to slow down significantly because I'm becoming severely anemic, so I've been focusing more on scratching and hitting myself even though it doesn't work as well.

Spoiler: This is one of my favorite cuts

 

[painoflife]

It helps me to make my emotional pain "real", I enjoy the blood and scars (they are the only things I like about my body), and tending to my wounds is a form of self-care for me, as odd as it may sound.

This totally makes sense to me, please don't feel like you are the only one!

 

[Soulless Angel]

anyone else get frustrated when a blade isn't sharp enough, maybe its a good thing as it means I can't at the moment, as the only 2 blades i have are rusty to hell :(

 

[sadworld]

anyone else get frustrated when a blade isn't sharp enough, maybe its a good thing as it means I can't at the moment, as the only 2 blades i have are rusty to hell :(

I luckily always have sharp blades!

 

[Wrennie]

I carved a very, very bad word into my left leg with a toothpick sometime last year, and I can no longer wear short-legged pants because of it.

I like cutting, but since I'm so fair-skinned I scar incredibly easily and thus cannot do it often.

 

[Megadeth]

Ive been about 2 weeks clean from the last time i self harmed. Im trying to break it yet somehow i always end up relapsing. I cant wear swimsuits or short-shorts anymore without my scars showing and it makes me so anxious and embarrassed. I almost always wear jeans now.

 

[Lost.]

anyone else get frustrated when a blade isn't sharp enough, maybe its a good thing as it means I can't at the moment, as the only 2 blades i have are rusty to hell :(

This had happened to me in past. I bought a very sharp tool, so i solved that problem.

 

[Soulless Angel]

This had happened to me in past. I bought a very sharp tool, so i solved that problem.

I wish I could but I have no way too :(

 

[Deleted member 25174]

I have been self harming constantly for weeks in the same place it's getting so painful but I can't stop and I can't do it anywhere else because I do not want life changing injuries and the cutting I'm doing would cause that. I don't know why I can't stop. I hadn't cut for years before this because burning is impossible to mistake for suicidal intent imo. I have acquired a social worker in the last few weeks because a cut went to deep but I bought something new after using something old and just didn't realise. It properly freaked me out and now I have consequences. I want to stop doing it because like I said my wrist is killing but it's like a compulsion at the moment I don't know why....it's not giving me comfort it's just hurting me. I feel like I have to do it bad or the dr won't take it seriously. I don't know why because when it's not me I really think it doesn't matter what you're doing anyone who is hurting themselves need help. I also take tools everywhere so that if they put me in hospital I will have something small but useful so I can kill myself instead of being incarcerated

 

[Lost.]

I stoped selfinjury more that month ago because of the dangers. I miss selfinjury so bad.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I tried the other night, fucking blade was too blunt, got worse scratches from my rabbit, though my arm is bruised now too :/

 

[elfgyoza]

I just made a hole in the wall of my psych ward bedroom after repeatedly bashing my head against it
Told a staff member and he was just like what the heck is your head made of lol

 

[Soulless Angel]

I just made a hole in the wall of my psych ward bedroom after repeatedly bashing my head against it
Told a staff member and he was just like what the heck is your head made of lol

shit, how long you stuck in there for? I see you are in the UK

 

[NodusTollens]

I did SH as a child, often by hitting myself or by attempting to pull my hair out by the handful. In my late teens I graduated to SH by cutting & have since covered the worst of my scars.

I try not to self harm now, though sometimes I'll find myself digging my nails into my neck or arms to help release pent up anger/energy, without realizing it.