Self Harm Thread

[Pallf]

I'm sorry to hear that

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I started self harming when I was 12. I used a knife to cut myself. These photos are from earlier today.

Spoiler: TW blood and open wounds

 

[Widdershins]

I started hurting myself again a little while ago. It felt good in the moment, but the next day I felt disgusted with myself. In retrospect I guess it was a mistake, now I feel like doing that just fed the urges in my head and now I'm going think about it and want to do it more. I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to keep it up, especially since I found a way to do it without leaving a mark and it feels great and the other part of me is aware it's kind of messed up and I'm going to hate myself afterwards. I've started having thoughts of it regularly when I'm under stress and even when I'm not. Today when I was kind of bored my brain came up with "Wouldn't it be fun to hurt yourself". Any advice is appreciated.

 

[passivethought121]

I started a few years ago to relieve guilt and anger over my own actions. I don't see it as much of an issue because I never go deep and they're never big. Makes me feel a bit bad, but then I remember that cleaning and hiding them is way easier. It feels therapeutic; the blood harbors my stress and I watch them both leak out of my stomach.

 

[papisprite]

Like many of you all, I quit cutting for stretches of time, but I always found myself going back to it. My cuts have gotten deeper, and more noticeable. My mom saw them today, and she asked me if I was cutting again. I don't know what to do. I can't reach out for help.

 

[Dot]

I started hurting myself again a little while ago. It felt good in the moment, but the next day I felt disgusted with myself. In retrospect I guess it was a mistake, now I feel like doing that just fed the urges in my head and now I'm going think about it and want to do it more. I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to keep it up, especially since I found a way to do it without leaving a mark and it feels great and the other part of me is aware it's kind of messed up and I'm going to hate myself afterwards. I've started having thoughts of it regularly when I'm under stress and even when I'm not. Today when I was kind of bored my brain came up with "Wouldn't it be fun to hurt yourself". Any advice is appreciated.

Thre = infrmatn abt 'urge surfng' in copng sklls sectn of recvry wrk-shts thred if tht wld hlp

Mental health worksheets, booklets & digital resources megathread

@Dot and I are working to bring you some worksheets and similar resources to support working on/with your mental health. Please note that this information does not replace professional help, so use this at your discretion. Seeking a licensed mental health specialist is recommended, however this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Miku _fanboy101]

I started cutting myself when I was about 8 or 9 and to this day I still struggle with it .

 

[unabletocope]

I have sometimes turned to self harm in the last year after avoiding it in my teens, I haven't missed much but considering how much I am going downhill it is pouring out of me

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I haven't been cutting fir a while now and now I cant deep anymore. :(

I'm outside rught niw. Hege..

Spoiler: TW - SH image

Tgere is blood on my fingers.

I video called him and he finally noticed my scars and knows that I selfharm. << my face...

 

[Meimi18]

Does anyone else out here use a hot knife? Just the blunt end to burn not cut

 

[bubbles_0403]

I started with suicidal thoughts when I was like 8, and then around my 12 I started cutting. At first I did it with scissors, so it didn't really do much, but then from my 14 i started using sharper blades, and ended up in the hospital at some point. I have some keloid scars from like deeper cuts. I remember my parents finding out, and during that period I stopped cutting, but started hitting myself instead, so my arms were blue instead of being full with cuts.
I danced ballet 4 hours every week, and we had to wear a uniform, and I kept wearing bandages and band aids, but after a while I started cutting my legs and chest instead of my arms. I mean now I still dance, and the last weeks I've been cutting my arms again, cause there's more blood that way. But I always stress before my dance classes, because yeah I come in wearing all those stupid looking bandages.
I also tried burning myself, but that didn't give the same feeling as cutting did, so i stopped.

I have times were I don't cut for like up to half a year, and then suddenly something happens, or nothing happens and I relapse again.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

When I see other people's cuts, I always feel like a failure.. Like I haven't done it deep enough but the weird thing is deep cuts have never hurt me. I don't find them painful and often haven't noticed it until I'm bleeding everywhere. The shallow cuts hurt the most for me, especially if I do it over and over again in the same spot. I don't know if this is an Autism thing or whether other people experience this to?

I started SH when I was around 11 or 12 years old. it started with using a metal ruler with a sharp edge, then eventually pencil sharpeners, head banging, burning myself with hot water, hitting self, sticking needles into my skin and when very distressed I would cut my genitals. A couple years ago I did a really deep cut but I just didn't feel it but it triggered my anxiety. I guess that's another reason I don't like going deep as it adds to the feeling of being out of control. My Sh has changed over the years from doing it occasionally, to everyday, stopping for a while and going back to it. When it was really bad I would have a system of how many times to cut myself. So if someone said something about my Autism for example.. I would have to cut myself 20 times that day... and the more comments the more the tally went up. It got to one point where I had done 200 in a day and I passed out. Anyways that's my short story about myself.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

don't know if this is an Autism thing or whether other people experience this to?

i experience this too. i think its bc the surface of the skin has lots more nerve endings so we can feel when things touch our skin, so cutting through that initial layer is a lot more painful. i think also ive experienced as i continue cutting i get more of an adrenaline rush and feel less pain, so that could also be why the deeper you cut the less it hurts.
i definitely understand what you mean about feeling like a failure compared to other ppls sh, i feel this quite a lot too. but it is important to remember that people sh for different reasons, some for blood, some for pain, some for depth etc. so no ones sh is going to look the same as someone elses, and no ones sh is less valid than anothers, and sh is never a good indication of how much the person is struggling internally, its all an unhealthy coping mechanism no matter the severity. whatever helps you cope is what is important for you. but i understand, even tho i know everything i just wrote i still feel like a failure compared to others.

 

[bugs_for_brains]

I ordered a bunch of blades bc my ones are the flimsy tiny disposable razor ones and I didn't rlly think it through and I'm shitting myself in case my mum opens the package. She doesn't know I cut but if she opens it she will immediately know based on my other behaviours and disorders. Bro help me

 

[Silent_cries]

I started scratching with scissors to distract myself from the shitty intense emotions depression gives you sometimes, it evolved into cutting. It always feels like it helps, some days it's the only way to keep living.
Tbh I'd love anyone to help, any good coping mechanisms? I went from cutting daily to, all of a sudden, nothing. Been in hospital for 2 weeks and all that seems to help is banging my head on the wall, but I know that makes noise and I don't want to disturb people...

Ik this is an old comment and that (hopefully) you're not at the hospital anymore, but if you end up having to go there again, try bruising yourself with an item instead if you have access to anything hard enough, if not try biting, scratching and/or pinching yourself. Make sure to only do it in places you can easily cover up though so you'll get out quickly. Unless they do bodychecks, then just stick to pinching instead since it'll usually just leave a red mark that'll eventually go away from my experience. Anyway I wish you good luck, and I hope you never have to go to such a place ever again.

And before anyone is going to say it, no, I'm not encouraging sh, I just think it's better than banging the head on the wall. Plus, the methods I just said are hardly going to be dangerous anyway.

I ordered a bunch of blades bc my ones are the flimsy tiny disposable razor ones and I didn't rlly think it through and I'm shitting myself in case my mum opens the package. She doesn't know I cut but if she opens it she will immediately know based on my other behaviours and disorders. Bro help me

Isn't there any ways you could get the mail before her?

 

[CozyTime]

I haven't done either drugs or SH in a while yet the urge for SH has always been much stronger than the urge for drugs, even at the height of my addiction.

 

[333s]

I haven't done either drugs or SH in a while yet the urge for SH has always been much stronger than the urge for drugs, even at the height of my addiction.

sometimes i feel like living as an adult is a game where you have to choose an addiction in order to renew your energy or smth
and shing is just the most accessible one
(right after smoking ig; drugs are usually difficult to get+cost money so brain doesnt really depend on em)
and one need nothing to sh and can control the process unlike drugs trip

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i have to laugh about this or ill have a breakdown lmao i was sitting for like half an hour debating whether to do one more swipe bc i didnt like how one end of the cut was narrower than the other, finally decided i would and hit a fucking squirter, blood all over my trousers. i wish there was a camera recording me at the time bc i feel like my reaction was like a cat getting jumpscared lol
kinda like this

stupidest part is its still narrower T_T

 

[bookgirl]

I've been hurting myself for years and have often had to go to the hospital because of it but I'll never be able to stop it - it's become an addiction

 

[imissmykitten]

i have to laugh about this or ill have a breakdown lmao i was sitting for like half an hour debating whether to do one more swipe bc i didnt like how one end of the cut was narrower than the other, finally decided i would and hit a fucking squirter, blood all over my trousers. i wish there was a camera recording me at the time bc i feel like my reaction was like a cat getting jumpscared lol
kinda like this

stupidest part is its still narrower T_T

was the thing that squirted an arteriole? i thought it was only arteries and arterioles that would spray, but i've seen a video of someone hitting what they said was a vein and it was spraying too, so now i am midly confused on the terms

also anytime i do a few more swipes, this is what i am afraid of the most. the jumpscares!

 

[cgrtt.brns]

was the thing that squirted an arteriole? i thought it was only arteries and arterioles that would spray, but i've seen a video of someone hitting what they said was a vein and it was spraying too, so now i am midly confused on the terms

also anytime i do a few more swipes, this is what i am afraid of the most. the jumpscares!

yeah arteries and arterioles are the only vessels that squirt/spray afaik, bc theyre pumping blood to the body so they need a lot of pressure to get further away from the heart, and veins and venules are a steady flow bc theyre going back to the heart so the pumping isnt as strong as theyre further away if that makes sense (at least i think thats why, its been four years since i took science in college so i hope thats right lmfao but def arteries that squirt and veins that dont, but then again i might be wrong im not a doctor lol)

 

[CozyTime]

sometimes i feel like living as an adult is a game where you have to choose an addiction in order to renew your energy or smth
and shing is just the most accessible one
(right after smoking ig; drugs are usually difficult to get+cost money so brain doesnt really depend on em)
and one need nothing to sh and can control the process unlike drugs trip

I know what you mean, I am actually surprised I never started smoking before I quit the addictions. Though with the prices in Sweden drugs are almost certainly cheaper

 

[malware]

I've never been a deep cutter, it was always little but more and I've been clean for about 4 months. Something is telling me to relapse and I don't think I have the will to deny it this time. Underneath my skin feels so itchy and I just want to tear it off. At the same time, I don't want to disappoint my boyfriend; we've been together for 4 months too, and he's been the light of my life and we both are open about most things but I can and would never bring something like this up to him, nor my lingering thoughts on ctb. I don't want to hurt him nor make him think he's not good enough but I miss the sickly sweet sensation of the air hitting the freshly lanced wounds. Feeling the sharp nick of the Stanley blade, or whatever I could get my hands on at the time. I've noticed before I was using rusted, dirty blades which thankfully I've upgraded to fresh ones for a just in case option. My heart goes out to all of you, though.

I ordered a bunch of blades bc my ones are the flimsy tiny disposable razor ones and I didn't rlly think it through and I'm shitting myself in case my mum opens the package. She doesn't know I cut but if she opens it she will immediately know based on my other behaviours and disorders. Bro help me

Hey following up on this, how did it go?