Sectioned in hospital

[marshmallowfluff]

I have been sectioned in hospital for 3.5 years now and I am utterly done. I have never tried to take my own life but I landed myself here, and am still here, because of self harm

I am currently so depressed that I am incontinent, can't eat, can't sleep, can't stop crying. I've not left my room for 8 days. I need an end to this.this is the first time I have made plans to end my life and meant it. I need to be gone tonight.

Obviously I have limited access to things. There is a door I can partially hang from but when I have 'practised' doing this I just compress my windpipe. Whete am I going wrong?

I have around 4 button batteries that hav just been missed by the nurses. Are they worth swallowing or are they just going to make my life worse?

I am trusted with ceramic cups. I am sectioned for self harm so am capable of doing a fair amount of damage to myself. Do I risk trying to cut my wrists? I could do it no problem with a razor blade but a ceramic cup? Waste of time?

I have Five Last Acts an have tried the tourniquet method with tights and a spoon. It just made my head pound. What did I do wrong?

I've tried to express how bad things are. The nurses have seen me crawling across my floor crying. They clean up my piss and help me shower when incontinent. They fill in "refused" on my food chart. The doctor saw me today and said "I hear you were incontinent again on the weekend. Could you not be bothered to go to the toilet?"

I'm on hourly checks in the day. I get checked once only during the night (at about 10pm).

I need to die. I wrote all of my "wishes/instructions" last week. I've tried to talk to them to get help from them. I've wrote a letter explaining what the issues are. I am in my mid-30s so I'm not just tapping out without trying.

Advice, please?

 

[marshmallowfluff]

So they are now checking on me every 15 minutes day and night. That means the little sleep I do get will be disturbed by them flicking the lights on and off and on and off.

Hanging is out of the picture because there isn't the time.

I can face the wall for the wrist cutting and tourniquet. Will the button batteries do enough damage to kill me?

I was going to try partial hanging tonight but I can't do that now. 15 minutes isn't enough time.

Please. Please give me a viable method.

Edit: button batteries are out

 

[marshmallowfluff]

3½ yrs
That's enough to turn anyone into a scary-mary. I'm really sorry you're going through this but unfortunately I don't think anyone is gonna be able to help you. I forget that a mental hospital is a longer stay version of a psych ward with several other differences. Is there no realistic hope for you to go home if you meet certain conditions? What you describe sounds like you're being treated like a badly behaved zoo animal

I don't know what I have to do to get out. I have only self harmed 5 time since I've been here but every time they just give more and more restrictions. They take them away eventually but put them back when I self harm again. There's never any talk of discharge and it just feels so hopeless.

I am going to try a non fixed ligature tonight. I worked in a child and adolescent unit for 2 years an one thing they did teach me there was how to tie a ligature… we were constantly cutting them off. I have been doing lots of research this eve on what I need to do, as well as using the knowledge I already have. I am determined to make this work. I can't stand this for another day

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, I know there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better, but just know, everyone supports you. I know it's really fucking tough right now.

Trying to hang yourself is a huge risk, given you are checked on so often, and you will be saved. You may end up with severe brain damage, and you'll be in a much worse position

You don't need to try to end your life in order to be sectioned - some are sectioned, because they self harm that badly - that must've been what happened, for your own safety.

I would suggest to continue to liaise with the staff, and be as compliant as you possibly can to avoid further restrictions.

I know mental health hospitals are not always good places, I'm not saying they are good. But the only way you're going to get out is if you show them you're ok, and not self harming etc. That is the only way, or they won't believe you, nor consider your release.

You've been in for 3 and a half years, which is an incredibly long time, so a little longer and you may get out, as long as you prove to them you're getting better. In their eyes, you're there to get help, and to be kept safe from yourself. Try to remember this

If you're still self harming, you're showing you're not improving. I do understand how hard it is to stop, I used to self harm, for years.

Please try to keep yourself safe

We're all here for you

 

[Meteora]

I have around 4 button batteries that hav just been missed by the nurses. Are they worth swallowing or are they just going to make my life worse?

I got to know a girl in the locked ward, she regularly swallowed AA batteries, she's alive and fine (just texted her the other day).

I've tried to express how bad things are. The nurses have seen me crawling across my floor crying. They clean up my piss and help me shower when incontinent. They fill in "refused" on my food chart. The doctor saw me today and said "I hear you were incontinent again on the weekend. Could you not be bothered to go to the toilet?"

I'm so sorry to hear that.... and I know it from myself. There is no help.

Do you know why you are crying so much?

I understand you want to quit. But make it a well planed action. Otherwise things might get even worse.

 

[DyingToDie123]

This is literally torture (like actually, the UN said so) and I'm so sorry you're going through it. I agree that I think your best chance is to comply as much as you can and try to get out. I've been told anyone who has the will to ctb in a psych hospital can and will, but I think that's absolute bullshit, it just requires too much luck and skill that I certainly don't have. Rooting for you <3

 

[willitpass]

I don't know what I have to do to get out. I have only self harmed 5 time since I've been here but every time they just give more and more restrictions. They take them away eventually but put them back when I self harm again. There's never any talk of discharge and it just feels so hopeless.

I am going to try a non fixed ligature tonight. I worked in a child and adolescent unit for 2 years a one thing they did teach me there was how to tie a ligature… we were constantly cutting them off. I have been doing lots of research this eve on what I need to do, as well as using the knowledge I already have. I am determined to make this work. I can't stand this for another day

Why have they kept you for so long if you've never attempted and you've only self harmed 5 times? That seems like an extremely lengthy stay for such minimal risky behaviour. I've spent a total of 2 years in the hospital, my longest was 8 months. It really is hell in there, I'm so sorry you're stuck in that situation.

I got to know a girl in the locked ward, she regularly swallowed AA batteries, she's alive and fine (just texted her the other day).

Button batteries are much riskier than standard batteries to swallow. Something about them releases things quicker or something along those lines. I'm not sure of the exact science other than I know there are many petitions to end button batteries as children swallow them and die. That being said, it is a slow and VERY painful death and if you survive you may end up with permanent, severe damage to your GI tract and airway. It isn't worth the risk. Especially with your frequent checks, if you start vomiting blood or are in respiratory distress they will send you out and you would be saved with possible extensive damage. Swallowing things is unfortunately unreliable. I swallowed nails in a psych ward once and nothing happened, they just came out the other end a few days later.

 

[Little_Suzy]

You will be hospitalized if you pose an imminent threat to yourself or others. You have self-harmed five times. If you want to get out, contact a lawyer.

Has the court heard your case? What happened?

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

If I were you I would focus on trying to act as normal as possible. The goal is to get out of there. Not to get caught doing something that'll give them a reason to hold you longer. Tell them the meds are working and everything's fine so they release you and then ctb using a less risky method.

 

[soleil]

Do you have access to a sink or lots of drinking water? Silly idea but water intoxication is an option. It's super difficult and rare but my only option and I'm gonna attempt soon. You gotta stay away from food to flush out sodium and electrolytes so it swells your brain.

The lady from the radio show challenge died from it including these

2 purposely in jail

Troubling cases involving California inmates: Water intoxication death, brutal stabbing

California has an incarceration rate of 549 per 100,000 people, according to The Prison Policy Initiative. Here is a look at three recent, troubling cases involving California inmates.

www.latimes.com

Inmate’s 2023 death caused by ‘water intoxication,’ death certificate reveals

While changes are being made, an inmate has died once every six months on average since 2005 under the custody of the Erie County Sheriff's Office.

www.yahoo.com

2 were patients

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1770067/

Mentally ill teenager died after drinking too much water

The 18-year-old suffered a seizure after drinking too much water and died three days later from the consequences of water intoxication.

news.sky.com

A teen tied playing water poker drinking 6 liters

Girl drinks herself to death in 'water poker'

A 12-year-old girl died due to brain complications caused by the consumption of too much water in a game of "water poker" she played with classmates.

www.thelocal.se

 

[willitpass]

Do you have access to a sink or lots of drinking water? Silly idea but water intoxication is an option. It's super difficult and rare but my only option and I'm gonna attempt soon. You gotta stay away from food to flush out sodium and electrolytes so it swells your brain.

The lady from the radio show challenge died from it including these

2 purposely in jail

Troubling cases involving California inmates: Water intoxication death, brutal stabbing

California has an incarceration rate of 549 per 100,000 people, according to The Prison Policy Initiative. Here is a look at three recent, troubling cases involving California inmates.

www.latimes.com

Inmate’s 2023 death caused by ‘water intoxication,’ death certificate reveals

While changes are being made, an inmate has died once every six months on average since 2005 under the custody of the Erie County Sheriff's Office.

www.yahoo.com

2 were patients

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1770067/

Mentally ill teenager died after drinking too much water

The 18-year-old suffered a seizure after drinking too much water and died three days later from the consequences of water intoxication.

news.sky.com

A teen tied playing water poker drinking 6 liters

Girl drinks herself to death in 'water poker'

A 12-year-old girl died due to brain complications caused by the consumption of too much water in a game of "water poker" she played with classmates.

www.thelocal.se

This is pretty much guaranteed to just make you throw up, pee a ton, and feel like shit for a day or two. These people are predisposed to electrolyte abnormalities and it is unbelievably rare. That's why it makes the news when it does happen, because it's so unlikely.

 

[Dayrain]

What happened yesterday after your first post that they are checking on you at night so often now?

contact a lawyer

I second this. What you are describing doesn't sound legally appropriate at all.

 

[marshmallowfluff]

I'm still here…

I'm sorry I can't quote you all, the multi quote stuff is a bit too complex for my brain at the moment.

I have tried acting normal but I can't keep it up for long enough. Typically there are 8-10 months between my self harm episodes. I have recurrent depressive disorder which is partially treatment resistant, and I have ocd which is mainly where the self harm comes from. I cut once, have the treatment and then that's it for another 8-10 months.

Last year in October I did have a tribunal, which is a court process where you challenge your doctor and the legal framework that they're using to hold you in hospital. I did win, and I agreed to stay in hospital as a voluntary patient as I wanted to have the therapy. The doctor then sectioned me again in December as he felt there was a decline in my mental health (there wasn't), but being sectioned again caused a decline and I have not been able to pull myself back out of it. This, alongside getting a new doctor who does not understand me, my needs or my mental health, has caused full on hopelessness and a desperate need to escape this hell. This hospital is most of the problem and it's in the pipeline to move to a new hospital but I can't stand the thought of more people having control over my life for however long they see fit. It could be years.

I have another tribunal coming up at the end of may but I don't have a hope in hell of winning it because my mental health is so poor and even though I have an excellent solicitor who has known me for the duration of my admission, I just don't have the passion to fight for my freedom like I did before - and they also have a nasty vile social worker added to their team to fight against me now too.

In terms of what happened for them to change my checks, they just decided to because I haven't left my room for 8 days.

It isn't like a normal psych ward, it's a 'rehabilitation unit'. I'm not sure what they're rehabilitation though because I am far far worse now than I was when I stepped foot through those doors all those years ago, full of hope that I was finally going to get better and heal.

I did more research last night and people tend to die with none fixed ligatures in psych wards, and usually within 15 minutes. I've looked at placement on the neck and how to tie it. I'm going to cut up a towel and wet it so it's harder to cut off. I'm going to wait until the early hours of the morning and stuff my keyhole with adhesive dots so they take longer getting in if they do notice anything is amiss. If I face the wall they open the shutter, take a quick look at me and leave fairly quickly. They don't don't check for breathing. I don't know when I will do it. I read that this 'chain' of hospitals has had over 40 suicides in 10 years, most of them ligatures. I found out that unfortunately one of them was a young person I cared for when I worked in children/adolescent services.

 

[Timothy7dff]

What country are you in? Scary stuff that you can be held against your will for 3 years without having committed a crime.

The last thing you want is a failed attempt.

 

[marshmallowfluff]

What country are you in? Scary stuff that you can be held against your will for 3 years without having committed a crime.

The last thing you want is a failed attempt.

I'm in the UK. Failing is always what has stopped me. That and living alone and being left to rot.

It isn't unusual here for young people (mainly females in their 20s) to bounce aroun hospitals for 7-10 years. Hospital makes people so much worse and this is what I am trying to tell them. I have such a negative quality of life.

 

[Meteora]

I'm not sure of the exact science other than I know there are many petitions to end button batteries as children swallow them and die.

Guess that's because of the size. Toddlers can hardly swallow AA batteries.

 

[marshmallowfluff]

Guess that's because of the size. Toddlers can hardly swallow AA batteries.

The lithium in button batteries burns and can burn holes in delicate structures or cause fistulas and this is more dangerous in children because their inside membranes are more delicate/thinner so are burnt through a lot quicker, which can cause internal bleeding etc.

(I did a lot of research and decided to abandon the button battery idea)

 

[Redleaf1992]

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. I''m really surprised this happens in UK hospitals and is a terrifying prospect.

It's crazy to me that they can hold you for so irregular self harm, how serious is the SH. Is it possible that they are holding you because they consider you to be unable to look after yourself (they mark you as refusing to eat etc.)?

 

[Meteora]

The lithium in button batteries burns and can burn holes in delicate structures or cause fistulas and this is more dangerous in children because their inside membranes are more delicate/thinner so are burnt through a lot quicker, which can cause internal bleeding etc.

(I did a lot of research and decided to abandon the button battery idea)

That sounds truly aweful.