Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[enough of this]

Increasingly I feel like I'm already dead. I don't live, I just exist.

That's how I feel, too, and have all my life.

 

[wighigbu]

tired and missing them

 

[alonely]

exhausted. numb. feel like im losing my battle with life. no reason to continue. wish my life had turned out differently than it has, dont think it was my fault it turned out this way, i tried my hardest. now im just tired. i want eternal rest.

 

[ares0027]

Extremely sad, slightly amused due to another thread, tiny bit hopeful because i will most likely ctb in a few days, nervous because i have fomo/fear of missing out :(

 

[LoiteringClouds]

It turned out that I have a lot of memory gaps at work. It's not a symptom of any illness and not so serious, but I don't remember some of what I did. All I can rely on is my notebook.

I thought, having no memory for several days is really terrifying.

 

[CTB Dream]

Not want stay ,wrld all money ni have any wat do not know ,cryel awfl wrld

 

[Daxter_87]

Rotten fucking brain. It doesn't even know what it knows. Or does it? I doubt it all, I'm a professional doubter. Or am I? Do I really doubt everything? Doubt, doubt, doubt... Wretched stupid brain.

 

[wristcutangel]

A little nervous.

 

[alonely]

i spent some time "trying" today, googling "is there anything that actually made anyone get better?". to be met with pro-lifer shit and a complete lack of real answers. so that made me more suicidal. only things that make any sort of sense are this website and like the lostallhope one. feeling numb. feel like im being stabbed by the fork in the road with most of my body hanging towards the suicial side. caught by thoughts of wishing things could be different, but knowing they cant. my heart hurts.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i want to sleep bc i fucking hate being conscious but i want to stay awake for as long as i can while its still night bc this is the only peaceful time i get and so i wake up later in the day. my life just consists of waiting to go back to sleep. i wish i was actively instead of passively suicidal again so i could finally end it. idk when ill be active again. i hope its sooner rather than later. or i get run over by a bus, either works.

 

[CTB Dream]

Need srs mthd any rly tired all this life sffr dtriort need true end no stay this, this wrld awfl this life awfl now see all ,this cruel wrong need stop all, rly wish nvr exst

 

[EntomologicalCat]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

I feel angry and hateful and I want to kill myself

 

[leaf23]

The world killing you mentally/emotionally but not allowing you to physically kys painlessly/peacefully

 

[didn't-it-rain]

the last time i posted on here, i was frustrated because i procrastinated on buying sn and so i proceeded to make a passive attempt (tugging a rope toy around my neck and submerging my head underwater not really expecting to work) after unsuccessfully looking for my dad's gun. i started taking lithium after that and it worked well for like a month! and so i foolishly moved out and my suicidality returned, and then, after putting it off initially, i logged back into my account just the other day. i just want an escape from life. death is welcome anytime. i keep thinking about buying blues too.

 

[sometimes.sometimes]

Extremely jealous

 

[savoytruffle]

angry yet powerless and empty. but so angry

 

[bbveevee]

alone, taken advantage of, seeing no point in trying anymore

 

[midnights]

i wish i was drunk and i wish i didn't have a drinking problem and i wish my father was dead and i wish he was here to tell me everything will be okay and i wish i was in the ground and i wish i was happy

 

[KrowaKovsky]

I'm so fucking exhausted, I live with 2 people who I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to be around, otherwise, I'll either get reprimanded for something I didn't do or have to manage someone else's breakdown. I either get met with anger or consistently guilt tripped and I don't know how much longer I can stay here.

On top of that I feel like I have to mask and fit a specific expectation of how happy I'm supposed to be, otherwise I get met with a "holy shit dude you're so depressing to be around." Like I'm fucking sorry I can't always be goofy and happy I guess, I literally can't control and schedule my depressive episodes so you don't have to see them. I wish I could but can I please have some help like I've given you? I'm fucking drowning and you throw me a towel and say "you should dry off, you're wet."

 

[outatime_85]

I am hopeless, with no reason to live, and I am a burden to them.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock.

 

[alonely]

i feel like i need to cut off my last remaining friend because i put so much of my emotions on them and i dont want them to have that weight and worry. but i tried already to cut off the last connections and just cried for hours, it is so, so painful to be fully and completely alone. i feel like i am losing my fight, and that it is frustrating to them that i am not improving.

 

[CTB Dream]

This wthr awfl incrs hot all yr wrs this v awfl vry sffr vry evapr

 

[Seaghost]

Since yesterday so much pressure, dont know why. Try to calm down. Feel the earth the sand but its so difficult.
Will have a shower, take an ambien, jump into my bed and will try to read a few pages in m new book: Hermann Hesse - Wer lieben kann ist glücklich (who's able to love is a happy one).
I like the art how Hesse is writing. It calms me down and letting me have a nice lil brain cinema

 

[liljeep]

I just woke up, I have a headache... I hate being trapped in this house. I hate that the best thing in my life is being online right now. I don't know why my body's always so tired as if I've been using it for much at all. I haven't. It's more of an accomplishment my muscles haven't atrophied.

 

[jazzcat]

I'm drunk and lonely again, I really miss people from my past, I want to cut my leg again, I hit my head against the wall but it's not the same it feels weird, I wish someone really liked me I wish someone would hold me

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

Third day of pain. Not sure if I drank and killed the stability the shrooms gave me. I've been eating only popcorn since it requires no dishes.

At least there is a party to go today. Otherwise I don't know how long the hole would last. Am sad.

 

[alonely]

helpless. there is just no help for me. ive tried so many routes to try to get help. even the "resources" available are a trap and everything goes onto your record if you seek help. i just wanna talk to someone who cares and can guide me. im so tired of sitting here only being able to think about suicide, because if im not thinking about death then im thinking about life, and life makes me cry.

 

[Zulu]

I feel like the guy being held at gunpoint. If I don't work and burn my soul for economic prosperity, I'm fucking dead. Then again, I'm already dead on the inside, so it doesn't really matter I guess. Survival instinct just likes to mess with my mind.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

Hearing a crush/fwb fawn over men so unlike me. Ughhh

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I want to cry until my limitless reservoir of tear dries up. I don't know why.
It's raining. The clouds are crying instead of me. It should be comforting - Isn't it great when Mother Nature is on my side?
It's draining - I have a hard time to have a shower and water a pot of flower. I don't know why I can't let go of my plants - to the point where I've grown my annual vinca for 7 years.