I would like a woman as a partner to do my ctb
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Sinbad
Self-Annihilation is loading...95%
- Nov 27, 2018
- 543
Thank you, Administrators and Moderators, for pushing back the Trojan horse.I'm out of rum, money, and maxed out all my credit cards. But then I remembered the two random bottles of listerine I had in my truck. I used to offer them to hookers. Listerine has a certain percentage of alcohol as well as other stuff.
Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.
therhydler
Enlightened
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,196
I don't know if I believe in reincarnation but thinking about it freaks me out because I think jesus christ who or what am I a reincarnation of to deserve this?I won't be skinny in time for ctb, but I'll try and lose as much weight as possible before then...I'm having mental breakdowns on a daily basis now. Usually, I would only have them a few times a year, but I can't deal with this loneliness, rejection, and women being repelled by me for much longer. If I don't physically remove myself from this society within the next year or two, something really bad is going to happen.
Lra888
Enlightened
- Sep 30, 2018
- 1,140
I'm in so much mental pain right now. Have not felt at all well in months - unable to relax or feel any happiness. Terrified of homelessness & extreme poverty and I know that I have no future as I can never hold a job for very long because of my severe depression and anxiety. I'm tired of taking meds that only make things worse giving me physical sickness on top of everything else. I need to get my shit together enough so that I can die with some dignity and not end up in a fucking hospital trapped against my will.
Lra888
Enlightened
- Sep 30, 2018
- 1,140
I just called a suicide/mental health hotline and when i got through a recorded message said "all calls are recorded" and i immediately hung up.
Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
Ordered my SN. To add to my kit of other suicide methods.
slowlystarve
abomination
- Dec 10, 2018
- 43
i spend every waking second trying to distract myself from how miserable i feel. nothing's working lately. it's as if something snapped in my brain and suddenly i've become incapable of suppressing it
thatguyakira123
Experienced
- Apr 10, 2018
- 217
I've been eating less these days. I want to make my body suffer.
Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
I can't remember if I ever felt genuine happiness, without it being fake or forced. Or maybe I never felt it at all.
Midnight
Beyond solace
- Jun 30, 2018
- 624
My favorite thing to wear is a hoodie. People thinking you are a thug when wandering dangerous places at night is also a plus.I can hide in it yet still be out and about. Hiding a dreary or just pissed-off look .. only those straight infront get to see you. Makes me look more tough than i am so i don't get jumped too quickly. I managed to avoid getting in trouble looking and acting alot tougher than i am. If i had acted like a pusharround i'd be mugged or god knows what else on more than one occasion.
Fact that i am so done with all the worlds shit and pissed off the whole time helps too.Last edited:
suffering
Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
- Aug 17, 2018
- 398
Introspection: I have a false sense of entitlement and I think I know it's major root cause:
Premise 1 (correct): I know I am smarter than most people.
Premise 2 (false): I assumed being smart gets you financial/social/professional rewards. This is false because you must be manipulative and delusional in order to function "well" in society.
This creates a great conflict in me and a high feeling of frustration, not because I want power or other stupid stuff, but because knowing I don't have the guts to kill myself I know I must make money and keep myself busy so I can live a comfortable life. I must play the role of the slave, of the loser, of whatever, just to get by. While I know deep down that I have more common sense than the people around me. In my mind, I am like a humiliated king, although I am probably not humiliated, nor a king.Last edited:
thatguyakira123
Experienced
- Apr 10, 2018
- 217
I do something similar. I'm a metalhead so I have a beaed and long hair. I also wear spikes and faux silver rings that can leave a mark. At night I have a serious look on my face. I have walked home many times at 3am and no one fucks with me. It's all about giving the illusion of toughness.
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
How much money does one man need?
There is a big difference between "I want" and "I need".
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
My daughters birthday today, she'll be 21!
I try not to dwell on it or I'll go right round the twist.
Angst Filled Fuck Up
Illuminati
- Sep 9, 2018
- 3,144
Look on the bright side. You being old enough to be my father makes me feel young again.Before the end of the year, I plan to request a transfer at my company. Being able to live in another place, and having the money needed to support myself there, could end up saving my life.
Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
You tell me I'm smart and hardworking, but the next day you'll say I'm dumb and lazy. It's easier to believe in the latter rather than fill my heart with false hope.Wondering if I'll CTB before Christmas or after Christmas at this rate, but also wondering, will I CTB before I re-gain full-time employment, and even then, how far away is that? Hmm. Sure are some deep thoughts on my mind.
I also think I'm getting more anxious as the days and weeks roll on. Keep it together stargazer, just keep it together, it's only a little longer. *eyes dart left to right and one eye blinking repeatedly*
therhydler
Enlightened
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,196
Enough to order Ni feel beyond bored. i log in and log out, smoke and nothing is in my brain. just an endless day, can't force myself to become inteterested in life, i've always had passive or the oppsoite - extremly creative mind with old friends who i miss dearly. when i knew how to 'think with emotions and feel with intellect'. i've lost that part of me that made me human. i live in nothingness. i miss you all guys, my old friends, at least i would like to say i miss you, but there isn't even that part in me that will make me miss you. i guess it's called a heart? nothing waits me after posting these sentences. no purpose, no desire.Last edited:
Eren
Si hablas español mándame un MP
- Oct 27, 2018
- 1,074
therhydler
Enlightened
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,196
Fucking movies tell a big fat lie about life
sadsoul
Alive and unwell
- Sep 9, 2018
- 440
Fucking pro-life videos tell a big fat lie about the mental health system
sadsoul
Alive and unwell
- Sep 9, 2018
- 440
"seek help, it gets better, blablabla". These videos make therapy sound like a wonderful thing but it does shit for me. "Oh, you just haven't found the right therapist yet" lol
Justanotherconsumer
Paragon
- Jul 9, 2018
- 974
Keep having after death dreams, they are all fun, then get woken up at odd times so I remember them. Today I was conversing with 3 seal shapeshifters. After seeing them having loads of fun as seals, got to sit down and talk to them as humans. In the dream I was just trying to wrap my head around what it must be like, it was at a zoo and they didn't seem to have the slightest concern over there dilemma, they were more concerned over my thought processes critiquing them.
