Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
I'm getting closer to almost giving myself a severe concussion. If I hit myself hard enough I may be able to cause brain bleed, and then just collapse.
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Hey Guest,
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Roulette
???
- Aug 31, 2018
- 145
I wish I couldn't speak. After 20 years I progressed from mute to "shy", yet I still feel leagues behind an actual shy person.
Why am I not allowed to be a purely silent person? Wish I could stitch my mouth shut without negative consequences such as starving to death
Why am I not allowed to be a purely silent person? Wish I could stitch my mouth shut without negative consequences such as starving to death
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
gnrluver0105
Member
- Nov 25, 2018
- 58
I feel bad today, I think I fucked up in my company Xmas party, I got drunk, I don't think I did something bad, but can't say otherwise, so I'm feeling really anxious, and with a sense that I'm going to lose my job, or not get a better job, feel like I buried all my progress... Only thing that makes me feel a little better it's the idea of ctb, even considering I'm feeling like this right now because of my own actions
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
I wouldn't worry too much about an Xmas party, everyone normally does something out of character. Unless you ran about naked with your underwear over your head singing the Red flag and pissing in the punch bowl!
LifeSick
Eat the rich or die!
- Sep 20, 2018
- 167
gnrluver0105
Member
- Nov 25, 2018
- 58
Thanks, that's makes me feel a little better, I'm usually overthink everything, I just throw up, but that was outside the building, and fallen asleep in a chair lol, that's if I remember everything, I'm usually a very shy person, so thinking of what other people thinks about me gives me bad anxiety issues.
It's terrible to feel this way about having been drunk and not remembering exactly what you did. I have experience with this both as being drunk at such parties and observing others drunk. Can you call someone who was at the party to clarify what was actually done? I say this because you mentioned being concerned about losing your job. Perhaps this would lessen the anxiety of having to return to work not remembering what had happened.
Midnight
Beyond solace
- Jun 30, 2018
- 624
Nearly 400 people online of which 260 guests... "The most wonderfull time of the year" my ass .. the amount of people seeking comfort or a way out is just mindblowing.
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.... rebel souls
Deserters weve been called...
Roulette
???
- Aug 31, 2018
- 145
This website is disturbing. When users announce they are leaving this place... they end up dead! Someone alert the press. Just WHAT is going on here?!
When I was at school I witnessed a guy throw a biscuit at a bee in mid-air and it hit it and bisected it. We found both halves on the ground.
Meeseeks
Student
- Nov 15, 2018
- 100
I have never felt so physically weak. Good lord, I'm turning into a puddle of mush.
Roulette
???
- Aug 31, 2018
- 145
Bleh random vent
I feel okay(?), and I don't want to ctb... but it's more like I stopped caring about that. I've stopped caring about everything like all emotion has been drained. I feel so empty and lifeless
I wish I felt something. If I said that somewhere else, people would poke fun and call you edgy, or some emo kid from 2007. Maybe it's this christmas spirit having a massive negative effect
I feel okay(?), and I don't want to ctb... but it's more like I stopped caring about that. I've stopped caring about everything like all emotion has been drained. I feel so empty and lifeless
I wish I felt something. If I said that somewhere else, people would poke fun and call you edgy, or some emo kid from 2007. Maybe it's this christmas spirit having a massive negative effect
I used to care what people would think after I ctb, but now I'm at the point where I just don't care. Judge me all you want. I don't care.
therhydler
Enlightened
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,196
You know it's time to go when instead of "Daily fruits" you read "Death fruits" on an ad
I can't wait for the holiday shenanigans to be over so that I can CTB.
Lil_Intro_Vert
she/they
- Oct 15, 2018
- 195
me too, after the holidays I'm gonna get a lot more specific with my plans to ctb so that i can ctb sometime in january/february
Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
I'm not on much since I'm in the second to last phases. If the CO method doesn't kill me, then I'll just take the SN the following morning. No one will give a shit if I end up missing honestly.
Pegasus
Experienced
- Dec 15, 2018
- 258
Been punching myself in the head and imagining bashing my skull with a hammer. I haven't heard about a successful ctb from this though.
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Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
It's usually done intentionally as a coping mechanism. The CTB part is a bonus, especially if you manage to create a hematoma. You could successfully CTB if you hit hard enough on the temple. I keep on missing it.
Hunter
Experienced
- Sep 14, 2018
- 260
Yesterday was the first day ever I felt truly and fully capable of ending my life. My physical and mental pain has now reached levels that override guilt and fear. For the first time ever I can honestly say I am no longer afraid of death and that I'm truly happy/relieved to get this over with.
Jodes
Enlightened
- Nov 23, 2018
- 1,261
I
I'm glad for you that you feel that release too
Jodes
Enlightened
- Nov 23, 2018
- 1,261
I had this disturbing image.
I though, a normal exit bag might look a bit plain and sterile, for myself and who finds me. Not helpful for trauma I thought. so I imagined seeing myself as the person who finds me would, with a garish drawing of a smiley face on it.
Then thoughts...
A part if me has thought about my method so much, it almost feels like I want a "skin" for my bag. Like those brewing nitrogen bottles. It's just an impulsive thought, this didnt bother me, its just like I might have wanted one for a phone. I'm dreaming if I think that will help reduce the trauma. Will I be found with tears?
I though, a normal exit bag might look a bit plain and sterile, for myself and who finds me. Not helpful for trauma I thought. so I imagined seeing myself as the person who finds me would, with a garish drawing of a smiley face on it.
Then thoughts...
A part if me has thought about my method so much, it almost feels like I want a "skin" for my bag. Like those brewing nitrogen bottles. It's just an impulsive thought, this didnt bother me, its just like I might have wanted one for a phone. I'm dreaming if I think that will help reduce the trauma. Will I be found with tears?
Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
Hate it when I start getting lazy about CTB. Well today was cold and cold weather keeps me from being productive.
azucaramargo
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2018
- 1,010
You could send the 10k to me! :) But, I don't want you to CTB. Just out of curiosity--do you feel like you've spent your life following the rules/doing what's expected of you?
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
I think he's already CTB, he said he was going to and hasn't been heard from since.
azucaramargo
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2018
- 1,010
Oh man! That's the first person I've encountered on here who's actually gone. Thank you for telling me, Johnnythefox.
