Random thoughts

[Schopenhauer]

I'm feeling very bad right now. There's someone I wish were here, but I don't want to drag her back into my life. I think she would, if I reached out. But she deserves better. Specially now that I'm adamant about ctb, it would be very unfair to her.

Damn, I'm emotional today. I don't like it....

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

I'm feeling very bad right now. There's someone I wish were here, but I don't want to drag her back into my life. I think she would, if I reached out. But she deserves better. Specially now that I'm adamant about ctb, it would be very unfair to her.

Damn, I'm emotional today. I don't like it....

I feel the exact same way.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I feel the exact same way.

Meanwhile we suffer in silence. I wish I had the guts to hang myself already. The N may not arrive.

 

[millefeui]

I'm feeling very bad right now. There's someone I wish were here, but I don't want to drag her back into my life. I think she would, if I reached out. But she deserves better. Specially now that I'm adamant about ctb, it would be very unfair to her.

Damn, I'm emotional today. I don't like it....

You know, if it means anything (it probably doesn't), one year and roughly four days ago I was feeling the almost exact same way. Yes, I know the almost very specific time because it is around the date of her birthday as well as mine. Anyways, I really felt like reaching to this woman, but ultimately gave up on the idea. She is doing fine (as far as I know) and I didn't want to taint her life with all the toxicity and sadness of my own life.

But boy, did I miss her... Still, it is better that I suffer alone.

 

[Schopenhauer]

You know, if it means anything (it probably doesn't), one year and roughly four days ago I was feeling the almost exact same way. Yes, I know the almost very specific time because it is around the date of her birthday as well as mine. Anyways, I really felt like reaching to this woman, but ultimately gave up on the idea. She is doing fine (as far as I know) and I didn't want to taint her life with all the toxicity and sadness of my own life.

But boy, did I miss her... Still, it is better that I suffer alone.

It does help, thanks.

That's why I like it here. Regular people would just tell me to go talk to her. But you do understand what I mean about containing the misery... I'm missing her immensely, though. Hopefully I won't have to bear this for long.

She's happy with a girl now, and she deserves it. She'd try to help me, fail, and feel bad in the process. I won't do it.

 

[Lost1234]

Is it just where I am or people everywhere perceive Depression as being selfish !? Everywhere I go , People tend to raise the point ......I went to the pharmacist to get pills the other day and he said that I needed to think about other people other than my self (apparently that's his solution).... I mean, I've been working in NGOs since high school because it's the only thing that makes sense to me. But I hear people here and there correlating depression with being selfish. ughhh,

 

[millefeui]

Is it just where I am or people everywhere perceive Depression as being selfish !? Everywhere I go , People tend to raise the point ......I went to the pharmacist to get pills the other day and he said that I needed to think about other people other than my self (apparently that's his solution).... I mean, I've been working in NGOs since high school because it's the only thing that makes sense to me. But I hear people here and there correlating depression with being selfish. ughhh,

People think depression is a choice.

When I was a teenager, my mother told me I was depressed because I didn't have enough things to occupy my mind (such as work). Such a moronic thing to say, but what to expect from someone who prefers to pray to her God when sick than go to the goddamn hospital.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Crisis averted. I've overcome the urge. If it weren't for these forums, I was liable to succumb.

I'll try to sleep now...

 

[millefeui]

Crisis averted. I've overcome the urge. If it weren't for these forums, I was liable to succumb.

I'll try to sleep now...

Have a good rest.

 

[RM5998]

I'm feeling very bad right now. There's someone I wish were here, but I don't want to drag her back into my life. I think she would, if I reached out. But she deserves better. Specially now that I'm adamant about ctb, it would be very unfair to her.

Damn, I'm emotional today. I don't like it....

Yep, I feel that way too right now... it's her birthday today, and a part of me wants to tell her how much I love her, but I don't want to taint the people I've come into contact with any more than I already have. This happens every year - I get extremely nervous and agitated as her birthday draws near. I need notifications for my parents' birthdays, but not for hers.

This is one of those times when I want to take a knife to my head and cut a piece of my brain out. It hurts so much.

 

[onamy]

It does. And it comes in 3 parts. Past, present, and future.

Expanding about that: Present is an infinitely brief amount of time, in which nothing can fit. Present is not a timeframe, it's just the border between past and future. Even when you are in the middle of an activity, you are actually just dividing it into the things that you've done in the (immediate) past, and to things that will happen in the near future. The feeling of being in the process of doing something right now, is just a consequence of looking at the immediate past and thinking about the future.

But, what exactly is the entity, the ultimate observer that looks in the past thought processes? It could be said it's the "you". And this observing happens in the present. What are emotions? They are something that come from certain complex combinations of thoughts that come from the future (non-existence), into your brain (where they have been for x amount of time that is positive, therefore in the past). It's like a chemistry class where you pour different things into a pot and they combine into other things, like emotions. don't happen in the present but are observed in the present.

This observer is something you can't observe, because it's not actually a thing. It's just the action of observing. Which is in the end, a chemical reaction in your brain.

What I said is pretty much made up and don't make sense. From the outside perspective brain is just a machine with cogs and wheels that respond to things based on laws of physics.

 

[Lunar]

I had this thought earlier while staring at the ceiling that SN makes the colour of your blood a bluish chocolate brown colour. It made me want to cut myself for some reason.

 

[lv-gras]

I had this thought earlier while staring at the ceiling that SN makes the colour of your blood a bluish chocolate brown colour. It made me want to cut myself for some reason.

yes, idk why but there's something almost beautiful about that .

 

[Lost1234]

Is it possible that the way we see ourselves and the way the outside world perceives us is different? I mean , Is it possible that we could be a completely different person than we think we are? I say this because , I'm not usually conscious of what other people think about me nor do I go out a lot ....... So, It's just an annoying random thought...

 

[thetwilightzone]

Just browsed the /r/askreddit subreddit and found yet another "pro-life" posts about how you need to be "strong" to live. Makes me sick.

here

 

[Lost1234]

Just browsed the /r/askreddit subreddit and found yet another "pro-life" posts about how you need to be "strong" to live. Makes me sick.

here

Quickly Escalated into a sprite conversation huh , but yeah ..... I can't even stand the white background let alone some of the posts there.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

This site is my safe place. I just need to get my thoughts out. I need to die.

I also want comfort and affection from a friend who I sleep with, but I don't know how he feels or if it would be selfish of me to use him to boost my own self worth.

 

[Throwaway563078]

I love acting dumb

 

[Throwaway563078]

I contemplate leaving this site everyday, I'm going to ctb but it's just a waiting game for now. I don't need the resources anymore, I need to feel like I belong and am a part of something. Pretty trivial feels I know.

Don't think it's pretty trivial

 

[millefeui]

Sometimes I wish there was Light Yagami with a Death Note in our reality, and that there were no L/Near/Mello to stop him. I could accept being lead by a dictator as long as evil, criminal people disappeared from Earth.

 

[08nomore]

I cant recognize me anymore. Something has changed, my brain is my worst enemy. This is scary and sad, I dont know if I can make it to 2019.

 

[mattwitt]

I love acting dumb

A lot of people have learned to survive a long time in this world with that routine lol

 

[mattwitt]

In order to be truly happy you need an IQ that's less than 80

 

[Trashcan]

There was recently a suicide in my area. I'll feel kind of awkward doing it shortly afterwords. I'm jealous of the people who are now in peace.

And everyone's making a big deal out of it. The two people who did it were in high school. I'm hoping that since I'm an adult, it won't be a big deal. And also I commute to a college and only go there twice a week, so yeah, hopefully it isn't a big deal. Because I'm not a teenager.

And I might rent a cabin or something to do it.

I wish I would die in a car crash or something instead... but a suicide will have to do.

 

[Trashcan]

In order to be truly happy you need an IQ that's less than 80

Probably right. I'm a dumbass and I'm miserable... but since I'm able to type my IQ probably is a bit higher.

 

[mattwitt]

Do they really try and catch people with a butterfly net ?

 

[Schopenhauer]

Sometimes I wish there was Light Yagami with a Death Note in our reality, and that there were no L/Near/Mello to stop him. I could accept being lead by a dictator as long as evil, criminal people disappeared from Earth.

Yeah, Light Yagami wasn't so bad, at least at first (later on his self-preservation schemes are despicable).

My first thought when I watched Death Note was "I'd like one if those, so I can write my own name on it."

 

[millefeui]

Yeah, Light Yagami wasn't so bad, at least at first (later on his self-preservation schemes are despicable).

My first thought when I watched Death Note was "I'd like one if those, so I can write my own name on it."

Yeah, unfortunately to keep himself safe from being found out, he does a lot of horrible things. Even early on when he kills the cop (and then his wife).

 

[Life sucks]

I don't know what happened to me these days. My brain wants to not give a fuck about anything including ctb. Its trying to soothing me, it ventured and saw how life really is which is really terrifying and unbearable for a human. But because of nihilism, it started to say it doesn't matter. I know its all chemical but its good to have something to lessen the pain. I got euphoria for knowing the truth probably.

I know its temporary but its like a med or relief from the constant pain.

And I see ctb as rational choice no matter what. But its nice to see some help from body and brain. The pain is still there but less and its like taking a break.

 

[Trashcan]

I miss Tiburcio