I am less attracted to women that like bad boys. Maybe this has to do with the fact that people prefer to be liked by someone in exchange. Lol.
I have a friend who is very autistic. He has money but he has probably an even worse prospect on the dating market than me. And I have a guilty conscience to write this. I don't want to talk pejoratively about him I really like him and we comfort each other in our loneliness. But I think he never was on a date. And my explanation is: he has some niche autistic special interests and he is convinced that he is the greatest. He really dislikes criticism. In contrast to me he has a very high life quality. He sort of has everything except a relationship. Me instead I don't have a relationship but I have trauma, future poverty, future suicide (Shit have to censor that when copying this text to a chatbot lol), no work etc. But I have some dating experiences and I was in a short (sort of?) relationship But that shit collapsed quickly. My psyche works quite differently compared to his psyche. And maybe this is where the difference in life quality stems from. He has a very positive relation to himself. He really likes himself. And I think he sort of embraces his autistic quirks. Though, on the other hand he loves travelling and usually this a good factor for having better chances on the dating market. He also recommended me to spend more time outside my apartment. And in some way it is true my obsessive accumulation and processing of information is more neurodivergent than enjoying travelling this much. So I am more weird in this instance I think the issue with him is he often doesn't understand when he is autistic or when his behavior makes other people uncomfortable. I can remember I invited a college friend to my birthday party and my autistic friend sent him like a really catastrophic first message how rare the first name of my college friend was. And we in my friend group all agreed that what he wrote was sort of really offensive. Yeah. And my autistic friend isn't all the self-aware and realistic when it comes to these issues. I have or had some issues myself. But I think there is an important lesson. If you are yourself neurodiverse you might click better with people who also have mental health conditions. But it is like he considers himself totally normal but when other women have mental health conditions or are on the spectrum he considers them weird. And I think this isn't good.
I have a guilty conscience that I wrote all of that. I don't want to be dismissive or talk badly about him. But actually I had to think about it because of the following story. So my autistic friend met someone recently who once was in my friend group. I cut the contact with that person because he talked pejoratively about my mental health issues and he bragged with sex and stuff like that. There is a crazy story about his now wife and mother of his child. But when the relationship started he said to another friend who still has contact with him. "I know she doesn't look all that great...but it is good enough for fucking her..."and holy shit. What an asshole. I was astound when I found out it is the woman who he later married...I mean it makes the anecdote more crazy.
And well I wouldn't want to talk about him about dating or women and stuff like that. But my autistic friend did. And my autistic friend (actually I have many autistic friends, nevertheless...) he has a crush on a woman in our friendgroup. I don't know that woman all that well. But from what I have heard she had a crush on someone who acted like a complete asshole and later they ended up in a relationship...Maybe I am biased but I already didn't like her all that much before I learned about this fact. I am not sure whether she deserves the admiration of my autistic friend. Though, from what I have heard she treats him well...but I could imagine she is someone who could secretly make fun of my autistic friend. She might understand that he has a crush on her.
I could also imagine that the former friend with whom I cut contact sort of mocked my autistic friend and he simply didn't get it. I had this feeling when he told me about the reactions to his stories. I often see danger and be careful when it comes to social contacts. I think you make yourself vulnerable when interacting with people who might not have good intentions. Maybe I am sometimes over paranoid. But I would not feel comfortable sharing intimate stories with them....
Moreover, I have to say I feel like having a positive notion of oneself feels dangerous to me in general. Because you are aware you are strange and you don't really conform to the norm. On the other hand, the women with whom I had the best relation to. I could be more like myself with them. Less masking. I can embraces my weirdness with close friends. But I try to hide it in front of people with whom I am not close. I think though it is still obvious I am neurodivergent. Maybe most of my observations are wrong and could also be applied to my thinking. I think there is a part of me that also considers my autistic special interests as the most interesting thing ever. (on the other hand my threads on here generate some traffic lol. I still have the opinion I should demand a wage...). But there is an impulse in me to suppress that and not to annoy people with stuff that makes them uncomfortable or bored. Maybe my self-hatred has some protective value for me.
I have a friend who is very autistic. He has money but he has probably an even worse prospect on the dating market than me. And I have a guilty conscience to write this. I don't want to talk pejoratively about him I really like him and we comfort each other in our loneliness. But I think he never was on a date. And my explanation is: he has some niche autistic special interests and he is convinced that he is the greatest. He really dislikes criticism. In contrast to me he has a very high life quality. He sort of has everything except a relationship. Me instead I don't have a relationship but I have trauma, future poverty, future suicide (Shit have to censor that when copying this text to a chatbot lol), no work etc. But I have some dating experiences and I was in a short (sort of?) relationship But that shit collapsed quickly. My psyche works quite differently compared to his psyche. And maybe this is where the difference in life quality stems from. He has a very positive relation to himself. He really likes himself. And I think he sort of embraces his autistic quirks. Though, on the other hand he loves travelling and usually this a good factor for having better chances on the dating market. He also recommended me to spend more time outside my apartment. And in some way it is true my obsessive accumulation and processing of information is more neurodivergent than enjoying travelling this much. So I am more weird in this instance I think the issue with him is he often doesn't understand when he is autistic or when his behavior makes other people uncomfortable. I can remember I invited a college friend to my birthday party and my autistic friend sent him like a really catastrophic first message how rare the first name of my college friend was. And we in my friend group all agreed that what he wrote was sort of really offensive. Yeah. And my autistic friend isn't all the self-aware and realistic when it comes to these issues. I have or had some issues myself. But I think there is an important lesson. If you are yourself neurodiverse you might click better with people who also have mental health conditions. But it is like he considers himself totally normal but when other women have mental health conditions or are on the spectrum he considers them weird. And I think this isn't good.
I have a guilty conscience that I wrote all of that. I don't want to be dismissive or talk badly about him. But actually I had to think about it because of the following story. So my autistic friend met someone recently who once was in my friend group. I cut the contact with that person because he talked pejoratively about my mental health issues and he bragged with sex and stuff like that. There is a crazy story about his now wife and mother of his child. But when the relationship started he said to another friend who still has contact with him. "I know she doesn't look all that great...but it is good enough for fucking her..."and holy shit. What an asshole. I was astound when I found out it is the woman who he later married...I mean it makes the anecdote more crazy.
And well I wouldn't want to talk about him about dating or women and stuff like that. But my autistic friend did. And my autistic friend (actually I have many autistic friends, nevertheless...) he has a crush on a woman in our friendgroup. I don't know that woman all that well. But from what I have heard she had a crush on someone who acted like a complete asshole and later they ended up in a relationship...Maybe I am biased but I already didn't like her all that much before I learned about this fact. I am not sure whether she deserves the admiration of my autistic friend. Though, from what I have heard she treats him well...but I could imagine she is someone who could secretly make fun of my autistic friend. She might understand that he has a crush on her.
I could also imagine that the former friend with whom I cut contact sort of mocked my autistic friend and he simply didn't get it. I had this feeling when he told me about the reactions to his stories. I often see danger and be careful when it comes to social contacts. I think you make yourself vulnerable when interacting with people who might not have good intentions. Maybe I am sometimes over paranoid. But I would not feel comfortable sharing intimate stories with them....
Moreover, I have to say I feel like having a positive notion of oneself feels dangerous to me in general. Because you are aware you are strange and you don't really conform to the norm. On the other hand, the women with whom I had the best relation to. I could be more like myself with them. Less masking. I can embraces my weirdness with close friends. But I try to hide it in front of people with whom I am not close. I think though it is still obvious I am neurodivergent. Maybe most of my observations are wrong and could also be applied to my thinking. I think there is a part of me that also considers my autistic special interests as the most interesting thing ever. (on the other hand my threads on here generate some traffic lol. I still have the opinion I should demand a wage...). But there is an impulse in me to suppress that and not to annoy people with stuff that makes them uncomfortable or bored. Maybe my self-hatred has some protective value for me.
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