Random thoughts

[Midnight]

I'm inching forward to the inevetable. I'm glad i'm getting closer rather than stagnant (like the last 15 years of depression) i should get there in the next year or so.

Now i've been thinking about what will happen with the little (9k) i have saved that are stuck in special saving type arrangements. Not like i can go to the bank and ask what happens if i die from suicide rather than accident/natural cause. I don't know if suicide is different/not good in term of the funds going to my family. I want them to to be able to pay for the funeral/other expenses.

I would need a will to leave my stuff/car(s) to a certain family member too. This is all going to be very suspsicious if i go ask this stuff.

Ffs this is all way too difficult. If only suicide was a "normal" thing.

 

[lostinthedream]

aye lose ends to tie up..

 

[Throwaway563078]

Looking at my pictures of my younger self feels so weird. It never got better. Shiny Eyes full of hopes and dreams just to be crushed

 

[Schopenhauer]

Looking at my pictures of my younger self feels so weird. It never got better. Shiny Eyes full of hopes and dreams just to be crushed

I know the feeling. I tried too, and it wasn't worth it. Nearly 20 additional years of a pointless existence. On top of everything I'm a coward too.

 

[RM5998]

Better thread carefully :p

I need some succinct way of conveying how my face twisted itself into a begrudging grin after reading that.

 

[anthomaniac]

Have you ever had your heartbroken so hard you physically felt the pain? Last time it happened to me (2 months ago) it was so overwhelming i thought of jumping to the subway while a train was coming, i almost did it that day on my way home, didn't do it because an old friend saw me and started talking to me. Now a days every time i go into the subway i still have the same cinematic of me jumping to the moving train and ending it all, though it also comes back the same image of that friend saying ''You're strong enough to overcome this, darling...''

 

[08nomore]

I'm tired of being a burden to my loved ones.

 

[Aesthler]

Everytime I talk to my ex it gives me false hope, she thinks I'm working on myself and has no idea I'll be dead soon.

 

[blueming]

I'm tired, so tired. I just want all of this to end.

 

[IG959]

I think October 28 will be the day. Will take the SN and fall asleep. The soonest I can do it while giving my work enough time to cover my shifts but also unlikely to be found in time. I really want to do this before my 21st birthday. My biggest regret is not going through with it when I was a teenager.

Good luck!

 

[millefeui]

I wish I could jump from the Golden Gate bridge, but by virtue of not being from the U.S. and not living there, it is a little tricky. Not to mention, a foreigner committing suicide by jumping from such bridge would likely appear on the news, yeah? That would suck (well, I would be dead, so whatever, but it is not something I wish for).

Another thing I am really tempted to do is heroin overdose, but it seems unreliable as they never sell it pure :/ I don't know... Logically speaking, I will only die once, so might as well do something relatively wild (compared to hanging).

Edit: how do i engrish

 

[Trashcan]

Good luck!

Thank you!

 

[Roulette]

I don't even know what I want anymore -.-

 

[onewayroad]

I wish I could jump from the Golden Gate bridge, but by virtue of not being from the U.S. and not living there, it is a little tricky. Not to mention, a foreigner committing suicide by jumping from such bridge would likely appear on the news, yeah? That would suck (well, I would be dead, so whatever, but it is not something I wish for).

Another thing I am really tempted to do is heroin overdose, but it seems unreliable as they never sell it pure :/ I don't know... Logically speaking, I will only die once, so might as well do something relatively wild (compared to hanging).

Edit: how do i engrish

You know how I feel about unusual methods, I started a thread about it :)

Heroin overdose isn't wild enough, step it up a notch with suicide by chainsaw or volcano... or... oh wow I think I just had an epiphany... jump into a volcano and chainsaw yourself on the way down.

Man, I think I just found my method.

 

[lost illusions]

This winter, be sure to rotate the air in your tires

 

[millefeui]

You know how I feel about unusual methods, I started a thread about it :)

Heroin overdose isn't wild enough, step it up a notch with suicide by chainsaw or volcano... or... oh wow I think I just had an epiphany... jump into a volcano and chainsaw yourself on the way down.

Man, I think I just found my method.

You are right about heroin overdose not being that wild, but contextually it would be shocking for people around here. I have always been the old lady in an young person's body. That cousin who never goes to parties, doesn't drink often, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, etc.

If I suddenly die by heroine overdose, people will be like WHAT? Then again I wouldn't be alive to see the reactions.

Volcano doesn't appeal to me, but riding a balloon until it crashes in the sea is something I would be willing to do... Though I think you might need a license to ride balloons by yourself?

(That thread of yours was a fun read, by the way)

 

[icky]

My eating disorder is killing me. It's of the overeating variety so I have no claim to peoples' sympathy.

 

[Throwaway563078]

I know the feeling. I tried too, and it wasn't worth it. Nearly 20 additional years of a pointless existence. On top of everything I'm a coward too.

It's sad when someone can relate in this forum. Sad it has to be this way but it is what it is.
Aren't we all "cowards" to some of extent though?

 

[ParamitePie]

This morning I remembered looking outside my fourth grade classroom, on the third floor of our school building. It was a very odd L-shaped building, at least a hundred years old. I believe it was an old post building, actually. In any case, it seemed like every winter morning, there was a rolling blanket of fog, which made the tall row of pines just beyond the window look ethereal, almost like skeletons. It always captured my imagination, especially since I was always fond of fog, mist and condensation in general.

To me, a misty morning always felt like the world was concealing something from view, beckoning me to a foreign world which lay just beyond sight. When I was very young, it always made me think of the Black Forest of Germany, which in my mind's eye was the realm of savage barbarians accosting Roman legionnaires and gallant knights straight out of chivalric romance.

I have no idea why that image suddenly popped into my head, but it did.

 

[throwaway777]

does time exist?

 

[mattwitt]

does time exist?

It does. And it comes in 3 parts. Past, present, and future.

 

[Roulette]

Feeling terribly lonesome even amongst friends. Why is that. It's not like theres a pressing matter that needs to be addressed but it's somehow really lonely and empty

 

[Schopenhauer]

It's sad when someone can relate in this forum. Sad it has to be this way but it is what it is.
Aren't we all "cowards" to some of extent though?

Judging by their stories, there're people in here who bore a lot of bad stuff stoically. Really bad stuff. They're quite brave, actually. But many of us are self-identified cowards, that's true.

 

[Lizzie S.]

I have another dream thought; I keep having dreams that are very Black Mirror-esque. Some of them are really fun and interesting but it's just so random.

 

[Wantingpeace]

I have another dream thought; I keep having dreams that are very Black Mirror-esque. Some of them are really fun and interesting but it's just so random.

Black mirror esque?

 

[Lizzie S.]

Black mirror esque?

The tv show I meant. It has the same futuristic/technological theme

 

[millefeui]

I just spilled (not the word I am looking for, but it works) half of a cup of coffee on top of my computer's keyboard. I managed to clean it up somehow and it still works... Somehow. I need a new keyboard. And a new brain.

 

[Aesthler]

I contemplate leaving this site everyday, I'm going to ctb but it's just a waiting game for now. I don't need the resources anymore, I need to feel like I belong and am a part of something. Pretty trivial feels I know.

 

[ParamitePie]

I just reread J.D. Salinger's 'The Catcher in the Rye' this morning and I'm desperately trying to remember why I liked it when I was 14. It's the sort of feeling I get when I look back on the television series 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'. I know I used to love it, but I have no idea why anymore. It's not even shame or embarrassment, so much as pure confusion.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Holden is a phony :p