I am very sorry for your story, it was touching to read it, I thank you for the support you have given to the forum and I hope you find the desired peace, a hug
XdragonsoulX
Vengeance Incarnate
- Apr 13, 2022
- 140
Wishing you the best on your journey to the other side Vizzy, Thailand is a very beautiful place and you're lucky to have spent some time there before you ctb! Good luck on your journey.
CentreMid
Sorry
- Aug 23, 2018
- 478
Best of luck!Finally the day has came, time for me to do my ctb which I have planned and time to face my final boss. It's time to put everything I have learned to work and finish my ctb by facing it.
I am perfectly relaxed, calm and excited when I think about ctb because I will be finally free from everything and go into nothingness.
I have three options
Option 1: Nitrogen gas with eebd hood
Option 2: SN method
Option 3: Jumping as I live in the 23rd floor of the condominium, the ground is a hard surface and the building is straight
My primary methods will be nitrogen gas with eebd hood or SN method, let's say I survived and nothing happened, my final method will be jumping so I will finish it off by any ways possible.
I am pursuing two goals with the ctb today. Primarily, of course, that I can finally end my existence and find my place in the common, infinite "nothing". The nothing that relieves me of all agony and pain, free me from it. I'm looking forward to it. To the moment when I realize that the light is about to go out and that I will be on the last path.
I am happy to find SS because it really helped during the final days of my life, I wish I found this website few months before so I could have helped more people but it was too late still I managed to get good people as friends who helped me in everything especially planning my own ctb, I read a lot of goodbye thread which made me to calm myself and I am not alone in this.
I would like to thank everyone who helped, supported, and listened to me all these time, For the first time in my life, I got to know the feeling of community here in the forum. A community that accepts everyone for who they are. In which everyone helps one another to find the difficult goal of peace.
My story:
I was born to a African dad and Indian mom in Singapore, my parents are strict when it comes to studies, achievements and the amount of success in the life. My dad physically abused me for everything in the name of taking me in the right path but in turn I became more evil and always rebel against my parents but I still did my thing which is good in studies and did everything my parents asked for.
When I was 14 I ran away from my family for 3 weeks as I can't take the abuse anymore, I found out I can't survive alone so I came back to my parents which made it worse. In school I was good in studies but not much friends as no one wants to be my friend because of my dad, the way my dad treat them so it was hard for me to find friends. At age of 17, we moved to Canada, I got the opportunity to study in one of the top 100 university in the world and number 1 university in Canada which I am proud of and one of the best achievement in my life, finally I finished my masters in the same university.
During all these times, I was a troubled kid, getting into all sort of problems, then the dating game came no girl care about me as I was tall but skinny af build like a alien lol, finally my crush rejected me that was my breaking point, at the age of 20 I started to take steroids to look good which worked then I was able to get girls and dating was not a problem for me as I had a partner every point of my life.
I was depressed all my life but show a happy face to everyone, my dad don't believe in mental illness as he think that mental illness people are lazy and acting so my parents are not helpful when it comes to mental illness as they didn't care. I got a job even before finishing my university, pay was not bad but my parents and family started to expect a lot of things from me which made everything worse for me, their expectations were crazy, I just can't say no because they break me emotionally.
From my childhood, I just don't want normal life, I even questioned my parents why you guys not filthy rich because they didn't make me a good platform to build on it as I have to start everything from scratch
I just don't like average thinking in human beings, I am tired of hearing from my parents and other people to be happy with what I have and you will get everything slowly as times goes but what I am gonna do with success and money after I become old, I can't do nothing
I just hate average life working 9-5 for average pay, home, life for what nothing, you don't enjoy anything in life being average, I will kill myself than living a average life
I blame my parents especially my dad, who is not a real man and I will label him as a man with no backbone and he is literally a girl as I can't call him a man because he have no guts, didn't do anything in life to give me a good life But he had a lot of time and energy to abuse my mom and me (I mean both mentally and physically)
Next I hate my mom, I will say she was a good mom but she stayed with my dad all these years taking all the abuse, I said to her to divorce him but she just afraid to do it, I would say she is not afraid of my dad but afraid of who will take care of her and that put a lot of pressure on me to stay with my dad, abuse towards me are mostly physical, as I grow up they started to expect a lot of things from me then I got a girlfriend she started to expect a lot of things from me, finally my girlfriend and parents joined together and their expectations went crazy, I just can't do it anymore.
I don't know what went wrong with my life or some issue with my brain that made me mess up my good life, I just don't know but when I was young my dad physically abused me maybe that played a part in all this, maybe I expected too much from life than what I deserve, maybe I didn't have patience to take life slowly, I just don't know because I had all the things every men wish for but still I messed it up and now want to ctb!
Everyone in my life just expect something from me which makes my life meaningless!
There is no point in living this life so I said fuck this, I wanna die so I took some money and came to Thailand living here for 2 years now, I am just vacationing (hiding) in Thailand.
I am drinking, weed, recently went to a concert, now have a beautiful Thai gf, in the start randomly fucking many girls, eating different foods, tried drugs but I am not a big fan of it, go to swimming everyday with my Thai girlfriend, did scuba diving, sky diving, first time got std specifically Gonorrhea lol but I am free from it now haha
So pretty much did everything in life and now I am ready for ctb so no regrets!
My nitrogen gas with eebd hood setup:
View attachment 114411
To know how I built this and gain more information about this setup, please click the below thread,
Nitrogen gas with EEBD hood Guide (Inert gas Method)
NITROGEN GAS WITH EEBD HOOD (INERT GAS METHOD) before I start this guide, let’s be honest this method is expensive (approximately 600 to 800 dollars)and you need minimum 1 -2 months to source the equipments and nitrogen gas cylinder. My tip for you to do it cheap, purchase the Chinese products...sanctioned-suicide.net
My SN Regime:
Fast for 8 hours and take minimal water as possible, 2 hours before SN (stop water) 1 hour before drinking SN 600mg of Ibuprofen or 1000mg of paracetamol. You can use any pain killer as long as you stay within the recommended dose 40 minutes before drinking SN 3 X 10mg Metoclopramide (30mg in total) Wait 40 minutes
During the wait time, dissolve 25gm of Sodium Nitrite in 50-100ml of plain water (35gm if body weight over 100kg)
Crush 20x30mg tablets (Oxazepam) (Benzos) with Mortar & Pestle
Mix crushed tablets with enough water until a drinkable solution is createdSN drink
Drink Oxazepam (Benzos) i
I have prepared 3 servings of 25g SN in 50ml water. Better safe than sorry.
In the unlikely event that I do wake up again, I will jump from the balcony of 23rd floor, Better safe than sorry.
I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who will write to me, I also wish you a pleasant and peaceful journey if you will follow my path. I am gonna miss SS and the friends I met in this forum, love you all
Goodbye my friends, may you also find the peace you long for.
Vibe-in (Vizzy)
My works, if anyone want to read click the below links:
SN guide (Everything you need for SN method)
SN Bible Sodium Nitrite Method (Comprehensive Guide SN Method)
Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document is a compilation of different sn information, members inputs, important posts related to sn, recorded suicide cases related to sn, different research on sn and so on. This document also give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it...
Nitrogen gas with eebd hood (Inert gas method guide)
Nitrogen gas with EEBD hood Guide (Inert gas Method)
NITROGEN GAS WITH EEBD HOOD (INERT GAS METHOD) before I start this guide, let’s be honest this method is expensive (approximately 600 to 800 dollars)and you need minimum 1 -2 months to source the equipments and nitrogen gas cylinder. My tip for you to do it cheap, purchase the Chinese products...
Other posts:
SN Successful and Unsuccessful cases 2023 update
I have combined and added all the brief summary of all the attempts, assumed successful and unsuccessful, of SN suicide. These are all posts that the member has made to document the method, news articles, and scientific articles. If I have missed any I apologise and it would be great if you can...
SN (Sodium Nitrite) Frequency Asked Questions and Answers
SN Frequently Asked Questions Question: Is SN reversible? Can I be saved? Answer: Yes, treatment for SN poisoning is readily available. Easily reversed in hospital if you are found. Question: If saved, will I have long term damage to my brain or anywhere else? Answer: With all the recorded...
Antiacid debate you need it or not for SN Method
Antiacid debate you need it or not: In 2019, when Stan wrote his guide he used Ppeh as a reference and that year ppeh book recommended to use antiacid In Stan own words, "so what is this gastric juices? Well there are a lot of enzymes and this thing called Hydrochloric Acid. A chemical...
Special thanks to @Kerrtu @kionu09 @dimstar @GasMonkey @Das Nichts @outrider567 @blacksand @emptyheart @Little_Suzy @pthnrdnojvsc @Uesugi-Lord @HoldMeDown @HopefulSleep @k1w1 @SoftWorries @doughmixer1982 @squirley @termina @endofafoxtwo @Praestat_Mori @90starve
Mods, if possible, please don't delete my account.
Valky
Petulant Child
- Apr 4, 2023
- 1,322
Das Nichts
Dead Man Walking
- Apr 8, 2023
- 521
Aries
Student
- Jun 14, 2023
- 109
Vizzy, for the short time I've been here.....I see you are a person with a big heart....you are really helpful to people here, really resourceful. Life can be really unfair sometimes to people who have the best intentions at heart. Thank you so much for your contribution to this platform, it will really feel strange not to see you here....You have really touched my heart with your story... I wish you a safe travel
All the best
All the best
Vizzy
DEAD
- May 6, 2023
- 1,869
Thank you for your kind words my friend, I did my best !Vizzy, for the short time I've been here.....I see you are a person with a big heart....you are really helpful to people here, really resourceful. Life can be really unfair sometimes to people who have the best intentions at heart. Thank you so much for your contribution to this platform, it will really feel strange not to see you here....You have really touched my heart with your story... I wish you a safe travel
I know by the time I am writing this you are probably dead, but that doesn't matter. You are finally free, congratulations.Finally the day has came, time for me to do my ctb which I have planned and time to face my final boss. It's time to put everything I have learned to work and finish my ctb by facing it.
I am perfectly relaxed, calm and excited when I think about ctb because I will be finally free from everything and go into nothingness.
I have three options
Option 1: Nitrogen gas with eebd hood
Option 2: SN method
Option 3: Jumping as I live in the 23rd floor of the condominium, the ground is a hard surface and the building is straight
My primary methods will be nitrogen gas with eebd hood or SN method, let's say I survived and nothing happened, my final method will be jumping so I will finish it off by any ways possible.
I am pursuing two goals with the ctb today. Primarily, of course, that I can finally end my existence and find my place in the common, infinite "nothing". The nothing that relieves me of all agony and pain, free me from it. I'm looking forward to it. To the moment when I realize that the light is about to go out and that I will be on the last path.
I am happy to find SS because it really helped during the final days of my life, I wish I found this website few months before so I could have helped more people but it was too late still I managed to get good people as friends who helped me in everything especially planning my own ctb, I read a lot of goodbye thread which made me to calm myself and I am not alone in this.
I would like to thank everyone who helped, supported, and listened to me all these time, For the first time in my life, I got to know the feeling of community here in the forum. A community that accepts everyone for who they are. In which everyone helps one another to find the difficult goal of peace.
My story:
I was born to a African dad and Indian mom in Singapore, my parents are strict when it comes to studies, achievements and the amount of success in the life. My dad physically abused me for everything in the name of taking me in the right path but in turn I became more evil and always rebel against my parents but I still did my thing which is good in studies and did everything my parents asked for.
When I was 14 I ran away from my family for 3 weeks as I can't take the abuse anymore, I found out I can't survive alone so I came back to my parents which made it worse. In school I was good in studies but not much friends as no one wants to be my friend because of my dad, the way my dad treat them so it was hard for me to find friends. At age of 17, we moved to Canada, I got the opportunity to study in one of the top 100 university in the world and number 1 university in Canada which I am proud of and one of the best achievement in my life, finally I finished my masters in the same university.
During all these times, I was a troubled kid, getting into all sort of problems, then the dating game came no girl care about me as I was tall but skinny af build like a alien lol, finally my crush rejected me that was my breaking point, at the age of 20 I started to take steroids to look good which worked then I was able to get girls and dating was not a problem for me as I had a partner every point of my life.
I was depressed all my life but show a happy face to everyone, my dad don't believe in mental illness as he think that mental illness people are lazy and acting so my parents are not helpful when it comes to mental illness as they didn't care. I got a job even before finishing my university, pay was not bad but my parents and family started to expect a lot of things from me which made everything worse for me, their expectations were crazy, I just can't say no because they break me emotionally.
From my childhood, I just don't want normal life, I even questioned my parents why you guys not filthy rich because they didn't make me a good platform to build on it as I have to start everything from scratch
I just don't like average thinking in human beings, I am tired of hearing from my parents and other people to be happy with what I have and you will get everything slowly as times goes but what I am gonna do with success and money after I become old, I can't do nothing
I just hate average life working 9-5 for average pay, home, life for what nothing, you don't enjoy anything in life being average, I will kill myself than living a average life
I blame my parents especially my dad, who is not a real man and I will label him as a man with no backbone and he is literally a girl as I can't call him a man because he have no guts, didn't do anything in life to give me a good life But he had a lot of time and energy to abuse my mom and me (I mean both mentally and physically)
Next I hate my mom, I will say she was a good mom but she stayed with my dad all these years taking all the abuse, I said to her to divorce him but she just afraid to do it, I would say she is not afraid of my dad but afraid of who will take care of her and that put a lot of pressure on me to stay with my dad, abuse towards me are mostly physical, as I grow up they started to expect a lot of things from me then I got a girlfriend she started to expect a lot of things from me, finally my girlfriend and parents joined together and their expectations went crazy, I just can't do it anymore.
I don't know what went wrong with my life or some issue with my brain that made me mess up my good life, I just don't know but when I was young my dad physically abused me maybe that played a part in all this, maybe I expected too much from life than what I deserve, maybe I didn't have patience to take life slowly, I just don't know because I had all the things every men wish for but still I messed it up and now want to ctb!
Everyone in my life just expect something from me which makes my life meaningless!
There is no point in living this life so I said fuck this, I wanna die so I took some money and came to Thailand living here for 2 years now, I am just vacationing (hiding) in Thailand.
I am drinking, weed, recently went to a concert, now have a beautiful Thai gf, in the start randomly fucking many girls, eating different foods, tried drugs but I am not a big fan of it, go to swimming everyday with my Thai girlfriend, did scuba diving, sky diving, first time got std specifically Gonorrhea lol but I am free from it now haha
So pretty much did everything in life and now I am ready for ctb so no regrets!
My nitrogen gas with eebd hood setup:
View attachment 114411
To know how I built this and gain more information about this setup, please click the below thread,
Nitrogen gas with EEBD hood Guide (Inert gas Method)
NITROGEN GAS WITH EEBD HOOD (INERT GAS METHOD) before I start this guide, let’s be honest this method is expensive (approximately 600 to 800 dollars)and you need minimum 1 -2 months to source the equipments and nitrogen gas cylinder. My tip for you to do it cheap, purchase the Chinese products...
My SN Regime:
Fast for 8 hours and take minimal water as possible, 2 hours before SN (stop water) 1 hour before drinking SN 600mg of Ibuprofen or 1000mg of paracetamol. You can use any pain killer as long as you stay within the recommended dose 40 minutes before drinking SN 3 X 10mg Metoclopramide (30mg in total) Wait 40 minutes
During the wait time, dissolve 25gm of Sodium Nitrite in 50-100ml of plain water (35gm if body weight over 100kg)
Crush 20x30mg tablets (Oxazepam) (Benzos) with Mortar & Pestle
Mix crushed tablets with enough water until a drinkable solution is createdSN drink
Drink Oxazepam (Benzos) i
I have prepared 3 servings of 25g SN in 50ml water. Better safe than sorry.
In the unlikely event that I do wake up again, I will jump from the balcony of 23rd floor, Better safe than sorry.
I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who will write to me, I also wish you a pleasant and peaceful journey if you will follow my path. I am gonna miss SS and the friends I met in this forum, love you all
Goodbye my friends, may you also find the peace you long for.
Vibe-in (Vizzy)
My works, if anyone want to read click the below links:
SN guide (Everything you need for SN method)
SN Bible Sodium Nitrite Method (Comprehensive Guide SN Method)
Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document is a compilation of different sn information, members inputs, important posts related to sn, recorded suicide cases related to sn, different research on sn and so on. This document also give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it...
Nitrogen gas with eebd hood (Inert gas method guide)
Nitrogen gas with EEBD hood Guide (Inert gas Method)
NITROGEN GAS WITH EEBD HOOD (INERT GAS METHOD) before I start this guide, let’s be honest this method is expensive (approximately 600 to 800 dollars)and you need minimum 1 -2 months to source the equipments and nitrogen gas cylinder. My tip for you to do it cheap, purchase the Chinese products...
Other posts:
SN Successful and Unsuccessful cases 2023 update
I have combined and added all the brief summary of all the attempts, assumed successful and unsuccessful, of SN suicide. These are all posts that the member has made to document the method, news articles, and scientific articles. If I have missed any I apologise and it would be great if you can...
SN (Sodium Nitrite) Frequency Asked Questions and Answers
SN Frequently Asked Questions Question: Is SN reversible? Can I be saved? Answer: Yes, treatment for SN poisoning is readily available. Easily reversed in hospital if you are found. Question: If saved, will I have long term damage to my brain or anywhere else? Answer: With all the recorded...
Antiacid debate you need it or not for SN Method
Antiacid debate you need it or not: In 2019, when Stan wrote his guide he used Ppeh as a reference and that year ppeh book recommended to use antiacid In Stan own words, "so what is this gastric juices? Well there are a lot of enzymes and this thing called Hydrochloric Acid. A chemical...
Special thanks to @Kerrtu @kionu09 @dimstar @GasMonkey @Das Nichts @outrider567 @blacksand @emptyheart @Little_Suzy @pthnrdnojvsc @Uesugi-Lord @HoldMeDown @HopefulSleep @k1w1 @SoftWorries @doughmixer1982 @squirley @termina @endofafoxtwo @Praestat_Mori @90starve
Mods, if possible, please don't delete my account.
pthnrdnojvsc
Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
- Aug 12, 2019
- 2,619
@Vizzy Thanks for all the help and for promptly replying back to all my questions and PMs
Vizzy
DEAD
- May 6, 2023
- 1,869
Happy to help, I hope you can overcome your si easily and everything go as you planned
vegasguy7022
Member
- Feb 1, 2023
- 9
Jule_from_Germany
Soon, my soul will fly away. I love you all
- Jun 8, 2023
- 224
sera
forever sleep
- Jun 16, 2023
- 12
am new to this forum (i've been following your journey for the past few days), but i hope that you're able to find peace, vizzy. if you have any doubts about what should be done, you'll always have a place here and people who care about you. and, if you're gone, i hope that you can find what you've been searching for.
Longtime lurker here; finally made an account as I noticed you were likely leaving 'us'. Are you still around, Vizzy? I've thoroughly enjoyed your posts!
Unwr!tten
Saltier than SN
- Apr 10, 2023
- 532
oh_no191
“Is it better to speak or to die?”
- Jun 11, 2023
- 56
EndJstifiesTheMeans
Bad english, didn't go to school sorry
- May 14, 2023
- 448
IndyAna
🤍
- Feb 9, 2023
- 115
Hope you had a smooth journey. Thank you for sharing your story. See you on the other side.
Disappointered
Enlightened
- Sep 21, 2020
- 1,284
Happy Trails. You were not a failure or a mediocre person and you proved it by having what it takes to exit.
plurkid
Night is right
- Mar 16, 2023
- 80
I appreciate all the work you put into your research and hope your path takes you safely to the stars where we will meet one day
yellowroses
Ever Seeking
- Jun 12, 2023
- 91
Keeping you in my thoughts, may you have a peaceful and easy transition friend, see you on the other side 
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