Venting Is it weird to feel like my dad abandoned me?

[l5xington]

For background, my parents divorced when i was 6, my dad remarried when i was 9, and he moved away with my stepmom when i was 14.

It really feels weird to think about because i know he took part in raising me. He did what he could do when he had the time to, but when he started dating my stepmom i felt so excluded from everything. He saw my stepsister more than he saw me, and i would talk to her about how i missed my dad on the weeks i would be with my mom, and she would always say "well my dad is thousands of miles away and i never see him!"

When she would say things like that it would pop up in my brain every time i missed my dad, and i would tell myself it could be worse. Now, my dad lives in Florida with his wife and my stepsister. I find that really ironic.

It makes me feel really useless and dramatic. My dad had part in raising me and he told me he didn't want me to feel like he was leaving me on purpose (there was a reason he left but I'll keep a long story short..) and i told him i understood and i would never feel that way, but I'm reminded of him all the time. I see stuff that makes me think of him and i text him and it's a short exchange. He was the one that picked me up from the mental hospital and told me to tell him any time i feel depressed or anxious, and the other month i was having a panic attack on the phone with him and he didn't even care. It's like I don't even know him anymore. I feel so distant from my parents and my family, I feel like I'll never see them again and if I died that it would be easy for them to move past it. Like I wouldn't really be missed. It's a horrible thing and I feel like I'm really being dramatic and that other people never even knew their dad so it could be worse. I just feel abandoned.

 

[SASU-KE]

You won't know for sure. Sometimes one parent makes it very hard for the other to be in their children's lives. Either intentionally or unintentionally. Your mom could have also had a role in keeping your father away. It happens.

 

[l5xington]

You won't know for sure. Sometimes one parent makes it very hard for the other to be in their children's lives. Either intentionally or unintentionally. Your mom could have also had a role in keeping your father away. It happens.

That's definitely a possibility. I hope I never have kids seems pretty complicated relationship wise

 

[Topaz111]

As another child of divorce, I think you are completely justified to feel this way. Every child deserves 2 parents, just because he "did the best he could" for however long he did doesn't mean that you are invalid for feeling upset about the loss of contact. I was abandoned in a way too, replaced in a way. Just because things used to be better in the past, they don't get a pass to disappear now.
Don't gaslight/invalidate your feelings, allow yourself to feel bad.

 

[SASU-KE]

That's definitely a possibility. I hope I never have kids seems pretty complicated relationship wise

Never have kids as a part of some checklist. It's possible that in the future you have a high biological drive and a longing to have children. That's a good time to try.

I was relentlessly pressured by my friends and family to have children. Thank God, I didn't.