I want the suffering to end.  To be honest, my everyday living situation isn't that bad... I've just been beaten down so much from having a crappy childhood, and then recently having lost almost all important connections to me.. I have no family, no real connections, no one that will stick with me through life's hardships anymore.. a deep sense of loneliness even if around others.  So, I'm just emotionally drained and tired of trying.  When I had survived my first suicide attempt in the past, I told myself I'd keep trying to live to see if my life could change for the better... and I really tried to build a life I could be happy/content with, but somehow I screwed everything up in the end anyways.    I feel like a damaged person, that won't really be able to connect with others because of everything I've been through...  So, I've just lost the optimism & drive to find meaning and reasons to keep living... Like, I can't be excited about the future or even doing things I used to love anymore.  I'm depressed most days, like I'm just going through the motions of living, like an empty shell... and, I randomly cry a lot from the emotional pain.  I think I'm heartbroken by how my life has turned out, and I don't want to continue living it.