Do you really wanna die or do you just want the suffering to end?

[Trakehner]

I want to die. There is nothing in life that can outweigh the peace that comes with not existing. Suffering is not just a part of life. It is life.

 

[Duality]

This is a very good question, and is something that a lot of people have a hard time differentiating. I think for a lot of people, they feel like the suffering can't end unless if they die, but even so it's important to be able to distinguish between the two and why one feels that way.

For myself, even I had infinite money and no worries in the world, I would still want to die. Perhaps not as soon as I would have otherwise, but the desire would still be there. If I get late stage cancer, for sure my suffering will not end until I die.

This is definitely a question that one should find the answer to for themselves.

 

[Pyxel]

Good question, I'd pick the second. So many things to deal with in life make it seem like the short bits of happiness are there just to keep our sanity.

 

[Suspect_Device]

I just want the suffering to end, but once you get to a certain age the health problems just start piling up. If you live in the US and aren't rich but you have health problems dying starts to look like the only option.

 

[兎の耳]

To me I think the two things are interchangeable, unfortunately. I'm not sure I can even imagine a life where I'd be genuinely happy anymore.

 

[backtoearth]

I live in constant fear of my delusions and c-PTSD paranoia, I just want that to end. In the life I have there is no other option but CTB unfortunately

 

[mindless_imp]

Bluntly, im a massive coward and its unlikely I can bring myself to really CTB (its why I'm here, Im trying to bring myself to). But Im so desperate for the suffering to end that I tried to get better for years and nothing has worked. People still leave, people still chat shit ab me, people get so done with me, I have no friends to my name anymore. Not real ones anyway, I have acquaintances. I just want to stop that constant burn in my chest begging me to CTB.

 

[iminmisery]

Which one of the two is it?

For me it's the second one.

Although given the fact that life has been so cruel to me, sometimes I view death as a middle finger to everything. In that way, I wanna die.

I want my suffering to end that's all. I do want to live, be happy, be normal. But unfortunately BPD doesn't let that happen, my only option is to just ctb.

Bluntly, im a massive coward and its unlikely I can bring myself to really CTB (its why I'm here, Im trying to bring myself to). But Im so desperate for the suffering to end that I tried to get better for years and nothing has worked. People still leave, people still chat shit ab me, people get so done with me, I have no friends to my name anymore. Not real ones anyway, I have acquaintances. I just want to stop that constant burn in my chest begging me to CTB.

if you can't bring yourself to, please don't ctb. I know every single day can be so hard to manage, but if you can seek help I beg that you do. As hypocritical as it is for me to say this (as someone who has tried to ctb and still thinks about it often), please continue to try and make it through each day. little by little, one breath, one step at a time. i have an immense amount of faith in you, even though you're a stranger, i know you can turn your life around. fuck what them bitches gotta say about you. have a don't-care attitude and sooner or later, people will be drawn to that. keep your head up, sending so much love. for your own safety, try to recover mentally and avoid this website. much much love to you.

 

[brokeandbroken]

a little of both. There's something horrible about waking up everyday completely alone. So much pain, so much suffering, so many unanswered questions. So I want my suffering to end. Am I capable of enjoying life? Sure if things were different. I watched everything that gave my life meaning get taken from me. Everything that gave me happiness was taken from me. I reference people in my posts. But the sad reality is there is no people. I have no family, I have no friends. I've been left for dead. I've begged for help for a long time. People decided for whatever reason I wasn't worth helping. There's something horrendous in the following. When I die I won't die with any respect or dignity that ship sailed a long time ago. I won't die with any measure of success. I'll die with people seeing me as a piece of shit as scum. As not even a human being. I won't be seen as my parents son. As blank. I will be seen as nothing but a piece of shit. As a waste. I didn't do anything wrong just a victim of a crime. Wrong person at the wrong time. The irony being 2 years prior the events starting in March of 2022 (so we'll say 2020) after a particularly brutal leg workout I didn't see the tram coming and I barely avoided being hit and likely dying. I had to literally jump out of the way. If my leg had cramped and I was hit....What people would have said would be different. The conversation would be about how someone with so much potential, how someone who was a success, etc... was tragically killed. Only difference is 3 years, a crime and 18 months following. I didn't make any mistakes to put myself here. I just wasn't worth people helping. It shows how everyone is going to need help to reach any measure of success. It also shows that so so many people after being asked for something decided I wasn't worth helping. How I was to them not worth saving. How my life how no worth to them. How even the doctor I saw in the psych ward the last time decided I wasn't worth his time. They say you are reflection of people. In societies eyes I am a piece of shit, I am nothing, no value, and someone who should be dead already. So I probably should get on with it I know I can die with a smile on my face. I did what people are supposed to do and try to help people. Society could've helped me, saved me, and made me. Instead it will have to bury me.

 

[Costrecce]

I want the suffering to end but I'm afraid that won't happen...

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

I wanna live but I want the suffering to end and I don't know if it's possible for the suffering to end while I continue to live.

 

[passivethought121]

Definitely want the suffering to end. Most of my reasons to CTB are internal. I don't really see CTB as a way of escaping everything/one around me, but eternally escaping myself.

 

[AresCohere]

This one question has begun to make me rethink a lot. In reality, I just want the suffering to end, but my mind won't get off the only way to achieve that is to CTB. I really can't see an other way even tho my life has been going through waves of better and worse events, just never fully recovering from the dips and causing it to now build up over the years.

 

[garrypallister99]

I can't live without her, so i don't see how my suffering can end..

Oh nah I'm all for pro choice but I've been where you are you can definitely live without her i don't think you should ctb based off a girl but if you're sure of it then good luck

 

[BlazingBob]

I just want to not exist. I've fought so hard and for so long and yet here I am at almost 51 years old sicker, lonelier, and more distraught than ever. Not everyone can be saved despite what the prolifers say.

 

[Kurai]

I want to die, as my suffering seems like it will never end.

 

[P@in]

As human beings we have an instinct to live.
We search for ways to get our fun (chemical reactions i.g. serotonin and dopamine)
Life can be nice and fun, you can be thrilled with it.
But most of the beings are unlucky...

I was doing okay. I had motivation to go on and do shit.
But when the suffering is overweighting the pleasure... and you know it won't get better
ctb comes to mind.

 

[kittyneedsabreak]

Dying seems like it'd be nice, but for reasons that fall under wanting an end to suffering. No need to be the perfect partner bc my bf is a literal angel and I feel like I'm always hurting them; I think they'll be hurt but deal with it since they've known I'm suicidal for a while. No need to be perfect in college because I need to get out of the country, and because it's my way to get financial support from my parents (that helps a ton since USA moment). No need to feel like I'm always living for some better future while my mind self destructs internally and makes me go insane from paranoia and self hatred.

 

[kiiyaa]

i'd like to cease to exist. i'm not sure if i wanna die just yet. i'm still afraid of what's on the other side, if there is anything at all. maybe someday i'll reach a point where i'm no longer afraid and just get it over with, but i'm not there yet.

 

[benzol]

I want to live. So much. But my strong tinnitus makes life a strong suffering. very very strong. that is why I have to go to end the suffering.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I'd say the second one too, tho i still want to die,, like with you to die is like a "middle finger to everthing in life" I feel the same way just in the sense that my suffering is certain to end if I am to be dead, since I guess for me for my myself or anyone really I see this world and how everything is an the generality of society and the destruction that is with certain to continuesly occur an i find that i don't want to be apart of it, not one bit.

 

[Klimpop]

I want to live. So much. But my strong tinnitus makes life a strong suffering. very very strong. that is why I have to go to end the suffering.

I am in the same boat but I have been hanging on for almost 20 years. Can't take it anymore.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

I want the suffering to end but achieving that is wholly more complicated than CTB.

The human body is fragile and the body degrades over time. As you age, illness and sickness becomes more pronounced. And if you suffer from chronic illnesses that paired with the steady decline of the human body you can become more sensitive to the pain and suffering.

So ending suffering is more about relieving the pressures of life that contribute to the decay of the body. Poverty, stress, feelings of depression. We can't even solve the problems born of poverty. We can't agree concretely on what we should be doing to fix all the problems in the world let alone the problems in our own backyards.

So subtracting myself from the equation is a drastic step but with suffering being a life long process and symptom of our current cultures and economic conditions I feel like CTB for me is more about preventing myself from suffering well into the future. Yes the future is unknown but basing my decision along the obvious trends in my life CTB has become the more logical decision versus remaining hopeful for a better future.

My death doesn't end anyone's suffering but my own. The world will go on. Ending suffering will always be more complicated than dying. If I could end all suffering with a snap of my finger I would but in reality putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger is a more achievable outcome.

 

[DepressoExpresso19]

I just want the suffering to end I dont think anyone truly wants to die its just people dont want to live a life of pain. However, the chances of my suffering ending in a way that isn't taking my life is one I dont think will unfortunately happen.

 

[numar]

id love to live life without the suffering. i don't think that's truly possible for me though.

 

[Last_Leap]

i just want to escape. i'm so done with life, wish there was an easier "Quit" option.

 

[enough of this]

I want to die, as my suffering seems like it will never end.

I feel exactly the same. Life is just too painful.

 

[cerealandmilk]

Moreso the suffering

 

[turntechGodhead]

4 me it is both ig i mean i think abt ctb even on good days but at the same time i want to ctb more when my derealization stops n i come back to reality, suicide idealization stuff lol

 

[VelveteenBunny]

I'm not suffering, I want to die because I see no purpose in my life and I feel like my existence is a net negative. I want to die to end OTHER'S suffering induced by me.