IWTD
Who knows.
- Jun 24, 2020
- 124
i went for surgery to Mexico and a surgeon botched my face
Truth be told i feel i don't deserve to live. I feel like everyone else has a soul, and I was supposedly only have a temporary one while my real one was being finished, but i got born and now the expiration dates passed.
Its like I'm lucky enough to be floating on a lake, on a piece of driftwood, but i dont feel like i did anything to deserve the driftwood, so I'd like to just roll off it if i could.
Its like I'm lucky enough to be floating on a lake, on a piece of driftwood, but i dont feel like i did anything to deserve the driftwood, so I'd like to just roll off it if i could.
coreofanapple
I am un chien andalusia
- Mar 31, 2020
- 43
I loved him so much it drove me crazy. I knew it would never be reciprocated, but I let everything else be shoved aside just to be around him. It all went too far. I pushed the limits. Now he wants nothing to do with me.
My life's been a downward spiral since then.
My life's been a downward spiral since then.
WitheringAway
Ima shake the champagne bottle...
- Jun 23, 2020
- 404
I made a bunch of mistakes that I hate to think about. It's gonna be a long list
i dont have one mistake. i feel like my entire life is just made up of mistakes lol
Oh where do I start, I have done awful things throughout my life, for which I repent. But I have lost everything, family, job and home
I think my behaviour is down to BPD and Bipolar and I was diagnosed far too late
I was sexually abused as a teenager, which I think led to all this
I think my behaviour is down to BPD and Bipolar and I was diagnosed far too late
I was sexually abused as a teenager, which I think led to all this
Philosykos
Student
- May 30, 2020
- 196
I think the biggest mistake on my part was responding to my difficult circumstances by shutting myself off from reality and retreating into a fantasy world in my head. I thrived in there while my real self started to become more and more reclusive and didn't do anything anymore. I've done nothing. I've accomplished nothing. I have a beautiful, vast world in my head. If I had writing talent, I may have made a halfway decent writer, or at least one whose writings were entertaining enough to some niche to make me some money to live off of. All these circumstances and reactions to them drove me to this point.
What pretty much sealed the deal however, silly as it may sound, was when at the start of this year I tried to turn over a new leaf, I was motivated to change my life but the universe decided to throw aggressive, mysterious hair loss my way, the cause of which I have still not found. It has not shown signs of stopping for months, on the contrary, it's getting even worse. It might be a small thing to some and it may have been for me if I had other things going for me. But as things are, it was that last straw for me. Going bald and being helpless against it is robbing me of whatever tiny shred of dignity and self worth I may have had.
For now, I'm just too cowardly to take the final step.
What pretty much sealed the deal however, silly as it may sound, was when at the start of this year I tried to turn over a new leaf, I was motivated to change my life but the universe decided to throw aggressive, mysterious hair loss my way, the cause of which I have still not found. It has not shown signs of stopping for months, on the contrary, it's getting even worse. It might be a small thing to some and it may have been for me if I had other things going for me. But as things are, it was that last straw for me. Going bald and being helpless against it is robbing me of whatever tiny shred of dignity and self worth I may have had.
For now, I'm just too cowardly to take the final step.
Lastsauce
Experienced
- Dec 22, 2019
- 258
Very simililar to my failure of life for 15+ years now.
It's the anxiety fueled loneliness that's killing me.
Philosykos
Student
- May 30, 2020
- 196
Relatable. If you ever feel the loneliness is getting to be too much, my PMs are always open to you. I'm not sure I could provide any actual help as I don't even know how to help myself. But if you ever feel like just talking to someone, put some of the stuff going throw your head into a vault disguised as a human being, who can maybe at least understand and sympathise: by all means. I'll be there.
Lastsauce
Experienced
- Dec 22, 2019
- 258
HappyMstake
Not so happy as it turns out.
- May 29, 2020
- 170
Being insecure and antisocial, I guess those weren't really choices of mine, it's just how I've always been, but they are the main reasons I want CTB.
NomadicWolf382
I want to drift into the lucid dream, endlessly...
- Jun 11, 2020
- 131
June 12th 2002 @ 6pm. A childish act of retaliation against my mother, that ended up backfiring, and making me regret my decision to not attend my high school gradation, even to this day. Pretty much downhill from that point on.
ithappens
Live free or die
- Aug 9, 2018
- 159
I feel you with this part right here. Childhood abuse, neglect, and bullying at school led me to a number of unhealthy coping mechanisms. One of them was a complete fantasy world that I slipped away into whenever I needed. At home isolated in my room, in the middle of class, after being screamed at or humiliated by my mother to be someone else somewhere else, etc. It helped me survive but I didn't thrive. I'm like a plant that tried to grow through a crack in the sidewalk, sure I survived, but I'm tiny, delicate, crippled, and have no real chance of growing past this point because there simply wasn't enough nourishment or room given.
ugly_loser2008
Member
- Jul 30, 2018
- 73
i can honestly say its not a one thing its a many many things. i do believe ive been very fair with myeslf, i havent just jumped into suicide. ive given myself many chances and many dumbass choices ive made led me to suicide.
ItsAllTooLate
Dancing on the razor's edge
- Jul 1, 2020
- 55
Binged on bath salts over the course of a day and a half which resulted in me cheating on my bf (doing stuff over video chat with 2 other guys). Didn't tell him until 2 weeks ago. Our relationship has been rocky ever since. I single-handedly fucked up my best relationship.
My profile picture is about self-forgiveness. Ironic because I am leaning towards catching the bus.
The bigger picture that leads me to this website is that I consistently make shitty choices and end up in the same shitty place. I'm here because of ME, and me only. Why should I live if I lack the judgement to have a fulfilling life?
Really, we could keep going back to the point where my parents tried to kill me as an infant. My mother beat my head in and when my skull cracked she freaked out and stress-induced empathy forced her to take me to the hospital. A rich man bribed away her attempted murder charges. I only know this because she told me as a child. Point is, because of that brain injury, I have inherently poor decision making skills which lead to consistently poor outcomes throughout my life. This was through no fault of my own. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
My profile picture is about self-forgiveness. Ironic because I am leaning towards catching the bus.
The bigger picture that leads me to this website is that I consistently make shitty choices and end up in the same shitty place. I'm here because of ME, and me only. Why should I live if I lack the judgement to have a fulfilling life?
Really, we could keep going back to the point where my parents tried to kill me as an infant. My mother beat my head in and when my skull cracked she freaked out and stress-induced empathy forced her to take me to the hospital. A rich man bribed away her attempted murder charges. I only know this because she told me as a child. Point is, because of that brain injury, I have inherently poor decision making skills which lead to consistently poor outcomes throughout my life. This was through no fault of my own. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
lonelyhouse
Member
- Jun 30, 2020
- 45
I started a relationship with a married man. He ghosted me after a year. It's been two months and I should be over it, but I'm not and I'm tired of living this way.
schopenh
Specialist
- Oct 21, 2019
- 385
Trusting in the competence of medical practitioners. Every piece of advice from doctors but mostly physiotherapists lead me to worse and worse health to a stage where one exercise prescribed for me caused a disc to erupt which caused a rare metabolic/autoimmune reaction and fried my nervous system.
schopenh
Specialist
- Oct 21, 2019
- 385
I'm sorry to hear about your brain injury. If you make it to be able to send DMs, please let me know, I'd like to discuss the bath salts with you. I'd also be interested in hearing more of your story!
ItsAllTooLate
Dancing on the razor's edge
- Jul 1, 2020
- 55
Stavrogin
If God not be, then this world dies with me
- Jul 1, 2020
- 201
There most likely are no mistakes; we are what we were always going to be.
ItsAllTooLate
Dancing on the razor's edge
- Jul 1, 2020
- 55
Sometimes I wonder if we have no free will and we're just helplessly riding the currents of time, like being carried forward down a single line of dominoes.
Stavrogin
If God not be, then this world dies with me
- Jul 1, 2020
- 201
It's one of the infinite amount of possibilities, and the one I believe to be the most likely. As I've heard it asked before: how can a being that doesn't know what they will be thinking about or feeling in the next five minutes have control over anything at all?
MorticiasHair
Member
- Jul 1, 2020
- 56
there are these very evil, psychopathic people who came into the world to ruin the lives of others. I met one of them when I was 23. When I now look back at 35 I can say that I made one mistake after another in the last 12 years. and the nice thing is: all people close to me constantly remind me of this, reproach me and make me feel that I am worth nothing. yet I am only here because I know that they will not be able to cope with my ctb. My parents are over 70 and ill, my sister is pregnant.
All I feel is pain. endless pain
All I feel is pain. endless pain
RockBot
A Mole Sitting in a Hole
- Jun 6, 2020
- 106
To try and make up for the mistake I had made previously. Then to try and make up for the mistake I had made trying to make up for the previous mistake. Then to try and make up for the mistake of the mistake of the mistake I had made previously. Then try and make up for the mistake of the mistake of the mistake of the mistake...
I
Ruined the love of my life. Family relationship ruined as well. In deep dept, dropped out of university. I just don't want to be here. The only time I am happy is when I am dreaming. As soon as I wake up, the horror of life creeps up on me. I am so miserable. I just want to eat and sleep but I live around people. I have to do things. I just wanna sleep forever
I used to think that I could've prevented where I ended up so far. But when I look back, I realize I would've ended up here. I think some people are just st meant to die this way. Sometimes the darkness is where we belong.
Ruined the love of my life. Family relationship ruined as well. In deep dept, dropped out of university. I just don't want to be here. The only time I am happy is when I am dreaming. As soon as I wake up, the horror of life creeps up on me. I am so miserable. I just want to eat and sleep but I live around people. I have to do things. I just wanna sleep forever
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