Discussion What was the one mistake that ruined your life and has you about to ctb?

[laertes_voula]

Well, the first that comes to mind isn't my mistake as such (although I do hold on to some problematic thoughts about it partially being my fault despite years of therapy and knowing rationally it wasn't)...but being sexually abused when I was 6.

The next that comes to mind, which was at the time under my control- becoming a doctor. It was a great privilege to have been able to be involved in caring for all the patients I've encountered in my career, but it's never provided me the fulfillment I desired. I wish I had the courage to admit I wanted to pursue a creative career. Maybe I'd still end up where I am now...but I'll never know.

 

[Desideratum]

I was unfaithful to my girlfriend. It cripples me to this day.

Sometimes I wonder if we have no free will and we're just helplessly riding the currents of time, like being carried forward down a single line of dominoes.

I've often wondered that too. I don't like the whole 'pre determined' and 'everything happens for a reason' mantra though.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Something I did 6 years ago. I'm not normally impulsive but the one time that I was I decided to take a chance that I didn't really need to take

being born and being born short small with so many problems

Babies tend to be born that way

JK I am also a few inches short below average but it doesn't really bothered me that much.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

my 25 yr old son died in a car accident 3 yrs ago. I spent my life being a single mom. I truly died with him that day-mentally emotionally. Now I can choose to physically go to him. I believe we will be together again in our afterlife. I was born into a life of hell. The first light and love was when I had my son. I'll be 49 and I had 25 wonderful amazing years with my son. The rest of my life was garbage.

 

[Jojo81]

Took employment and salary for granted. Didn't try to climb up the corporate ladder. Was always happy with what I had. Didn't live frugal.. Now I am unemployed and am unsure about future. Basically the one thing that got me here is choosing wrong options when taking decisions.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I put my trust in someone I believed loved me unconditionally. He turned out to be duplicitous and jealous, and he enacted his revenge on me by ruining my life. He won, and there's nothing I can do about it.

 

[mellow]

I trusted my dad and his wife when I shouldn't have. I agreed to go on medication against my better judgment in March. I never needed antipsychotics, they ruined my brain. Now my life is destroyed, no future, no hope of a normal or even mediocre life. I'm mentally handicapped, essentially bedridden.

Alternatively in 2017 I should have chosen to study psychology in my hometown, which was what I wanted, instead of going to my dad's alma mater which he pushed me to do.

 

[harmonica]

I ruined my marriage to the best person. He was my greatest friend, supporter, comforter. I blew it and he left me. I can't live without him.

 

[elizabeth.luck]

Falling in love with someone that I knew would die

 

[Nicebuddimtim]

Not exactly one mistake but I've been depressed since before I started highschool 12+ years ago and I wanted to ctb not long after it began. Without support from my family or doctors or friends I basically underperformed in every aspect of my life because I wanted to die. Now I am the closest I've been to ending it but I'm seeking out some professionally help for the sake of my now supporting family but it's extremely difficult because of all the shit I've done to avoid help... That's probably the worst mistake. Either that or falling in love and putting all I had into that. That was dumb... Got arrested and now she is engaged to the cop that cuffed me

 

[Gamja]

becoming friends with a person that played sick games with me with the full knowledge that I'm susceptible

 

[Uselessatbest]

Being brought to this world with no choice.

 

[nitroautnz]

My brain bring me here, I'm overthinking everything, its working non-stop, I struggle with social interaction but can't live without them, so it bring me constant stress and pain.

 

[601424]

Going on an ADHD prescription in high school. I had a very rare reaction to low doses of Vyvanse which resulted in a permanent anxiety disorder. I was very mentally healthy and in a snap I became a nervous mess, can barely even talk to friends without having anxiety attacks and I haven't felt happiness in years.

 

[Bardia]

Having a shitty personality, a toxic combination of opinionated and argumentative with overly sensitive.

 

[Deathbydemo]

For me it doesn't come down to just one thing. It's a series of things. I would say losing someone I truly loved through my own stupid decisions is high up there. I will never forgive myself. I also just made a general fuck up of my whole life and made bad decisions and it led me nowhere. I am worth absolutely nothing to anybody - I know that, and I've made my peace with it.

 

[MariV]

Health issues. physical pain, loads of it. Chronic conditions: ibs, bladder, stomach...aaand skin cancer covering my body with red bumps, even the face, making social contact impossible (much less intimacy). i wonder why my mother insists in me staying alive when she sees my suffering everyday

 

[SuicideBoys93]

My marriage has taken an heavy impact on me. Finding out I was cheated on was the cherry on top.

 

[Pharmaruined]

Being vain and taking a hair loss drug.. who knew it would destroy me? If you stop the body is suppose to heal I thought..

 

[Aeathelina]

Not telling the truth about my feelings and my alcohol addiction. Now I'm trapped in my web of lies and death is the only out

 

[Ghost2211]

Being too weak to spend my life alone.

 

[Anthagonos]

For me it was a mix of numerous mistakes/missed opportunities and the inability to function and rationalise like a normal person. My Aspergers stops me from doing that. Everything has always been a struggle or a hardship. I have isolated myself to the point of no return and ruined my body by not being healthy and taking care of it. I'm totally fucked now.

Exactly the same here. Numerous mistakes and missed opportunities and the inability to function and rationalise like a normal person.

I lost my gf because I was ignorant and didn't care about her properly. Worst mistake in my life. She left and has a new boyfriend now.

I had an opportunity with a couple of fabolous girls (now they are women) for being ignorant. One of the biggest errors in my life.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Not realizing that you only get to live highschool once. It's hard to pin it on just one mistake.

 

[Life_is_comedy]

I ended up abandoning or being ghosted by any friends I had. I haven't texted anyone or been texted by anyone I know in over a month now. That loneliness is one of my main reasons.

Same here but try three years with the added bonus of being harassed non-stop online by my former friends, my parents not giving a damn about my situation and even gaslighting that it is me who has a problem (even made it appear I am crazy, that it's all in my mind and schizophrenic when I have none), just shrug off my problems and don't listen to them when I bring it up and imply that I am a burden to them, and then the final nail in the coffin was my ex of 10+ years who I found out was basically cheating with another man. Any person left in my life I have tried to desperately contact to hang out but they just shrug me off. Yeah, I have no one and it's what's killing me. I am basically a pariah of sorts in my society and it would be good if I was dead too.

 

[Zyntkalla]

Not mention all the health problems I have from the beginning.It all started around age 6.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My mistake was I left some stuff in my car that got stolen which put me on a path to trusting people less and becoming emotionally distant enough to not ask out someone I was fond of. That was definitely my fault for leaving it in there but in my defense, car break-ins weren't as common as they are today in my area of California. It only became so common because there was a recent Proposition that made it so that any stolen property or grouping of property valued under $950 is a misdemeanor in California and you will never go to prison for it. I think the intent of this proposition had decent intentions because it was supposed to keep minorities out of prison but the real consequence is that tons of young people realized that they can still anything they want as long as its total is worth less than $950. This is why package robberies have also become so common (besides the fact that more people are ordering the packages).

 

[Blank Dreamer]

I don't know if I can pinpoint one mistake... Not being able to follow my dreams. I use to have a goal that I wanted to reach. A different career that I wanted to pursue. Of course, my mother didn't want me to do that. Everything is always about money. I didn't care, I knew I would struggle but I didn't care. I would've done everything I could to pursue and succeed in my choices. Well, it seems that my choices are almost always wrong.

Perhaps I'm just a people pleaser... I did go and pursue in my career against my mother's back during my early years in college. But situations became dire for me and I had to return home. When I returned home, I knew that I could no longer pursue in that direction. All those credits, all that money, all that stress... wasted. It slowly ate away at me and I just became numb. Bitter. Not the same person as I used to be. My father also abandoned us while I was away at college. So maybe the mistake was me leaving for college. Man, it's really difficult to choose one mistake. It seems that for me it was just a collection of mistakes that came one after the other. And I"m starting to see the corner that it's pushing me into...

 

[Dystopic_Momento]

I see multiple people say how one mistake ruined there life and now has them about to ctb

If this is you, what is it? I'm genuinely curious because I can't imagine just one thing going wrong and you can't bounce back from that

Different situation from someone like me who's main reason for ctbing is a cumulative of events.

It cascades. One wrong choice can lock you into a terrible future there's no way out of. Mine started when I tried to leave an abusive spouse. Then I got mired in abuse shelter garbage, didn't obtain good legal care because I had no clue and no help, was forced to stay in a town I wasn't from and neither was he -which isn't supposed to be a thing that happens.

Because the courts decided to keep me there which stopped me from getting good medical care for myself and my family, and stopped me from getting my kids free and safe. And it just kept going from there. But it all started from "You need to leave for your kids if not yourself".

None of us got away. Instead we were perpetually re-victimized by groups who take government money on top of the stuff he did/sometimes still does.

People need to shut up about telling women they can leave if they have kids. If the guy is really abusive (not just "he called me fat!"), they'll never get away.

-My kids are adults now, but that choice ruined us all. I could have protected them if I'd stayed instead of sending them off every two weeks for new court mandated abuse. They also wouldn't have lived in poverty, and would have been in a better school district that actually aids the disabled instead of fights to take away IEPs.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

When my ex left me, which is one of my regrets, after a period of sadness and grief I became hypomanic. Like full blown spiritual delusions and things like that. I wasn't happy, but I was learning to be at peace with myself, and it was a great opportunity because my head was in the right place, I had no outstanding obligations and, because it was a fairly controlling relationship on both ends, I felt my autonomy coming back. I had a sense of what I wanted and who I wanted to be

But it didn't stick. I didn't manage my time in that state well. It's kind of abstract so it's hard to really convey how it affected me and what all was going on, and it probably sounds so stupid compared to a lot of the traumatic stuff ITT but it was like being released from a tar pit and instead of fucking running, I let it overtake me again. It was a wasted chance.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

For going to a special educational needs school and then crappy learning disability clubs and groups, followed by endless boring mental health groups.. I'm already labelled as thick, disabled, useless i don't need some special needs group making me feel even worse