Discussion What was the one mistake that ruined your life and has you about to ctb?

[TheEndisNear121200]

Trusting strangers online. That fucked me up at a young age. Never going to be able to heal from that.

 

[everbuzzingone]

First, discovering alcohol and its eventual lead to major episodes of anxiety throughout my adult life. I finally gave it up for good back in January and my life has been even more miserable since.

Second, and this one may be hard for many people to comprehend, but listening to loud music through earbud headphones causing severe and intrusive tinnitus. The constant piercing scream for the past 8 months makes living unbearable and I don't know how much longer I can hang on.

Two things, but for me they feel like one big thing that has taken everything away.

 

[muffin222]

Nothing really. I was abused and controlled from such a young age that my path to suffering and mental illness in adulthood was already laid out for me from early on in life

 

[Antigonish]

It was 6th grade and I had to hurry for school. But I wanted breakfast, so I had to choose between quick bowl of cereal or a pop tart. Chose the pop tart and my brother got the toy inside the cereal.

Maybe this is a joke, maybe its sincere, maybe it a huge metaphor for my real problem. Maybe, maybe... but that's the beauty of pro choice, it doesn't have to be a reasonable reason to be a good one.

 

[W’ren]

I have a few good reasons- but one mistake i made, and it was HUGE, impacted my pain and pain management for the rest of my life-

I was an elite athlete- Olympic calibre, training and in tip top physical shape (we'll leave mental shape out of this)...

On the way to training one afternoon, my teammate was driving- i was in the passenger seat- we turned left and were T-boned by a car doing 80kph- we spun, i blacked out... it was a big accident.

I was 16, and when the ambulance came- i didn't feel hurt. I was in shock. I told them i didn't want to go to the hospital. I signed a paper saying i made the decision and was ok.

I was seriously not ok, and because i signed that paper, getting treatment for my injuries was incredibly difficult- :(

If i had to choose a mistake that drives me.... Signing that paper- was the worst mistake i ever made, it affects my pain to this day- and my pain pushes me every day towards ctb. (Not that i don't have other physical and mental stuff going on that also push to ctb- that mistake though, cost me dearly)

That car accident also cost me my athletic career- had i received timely treatment, i might have got back to racing, and never spiralled out mentally from losing that focus.

I was so stupid. :-( It haunts me...

 

[Weary Soul]

Mostly stupid trust that people actually care in real life.

 

[All washed up]

Taking a payoff rather than accepting a new role at work last year.
Studied and travelled for a while instead seeking new employment.
Now what with coronavirus, cv gap, age, lack of skills and depression I'm done.
Gone from a nice life to a nightmare for no valid reason

 

[creative]

A girl manipulated me and I got her pregnant. Later to find out she poked holes in condoms. I knew she was toxic and I couldn't leave because I'm easily abused I guess. Now I have to stay with her or CTB. How low do you have to be to poke holes in condoms? That was the thing that pushed me over the edge, of course there are other things going on too.

 

[Sensei]

I worked too much which triggered my bipolar disorder. It's been downhill ever since.

 

[NightmareTour]

I don't know what it would have taken to avoid the illness that ruined my health, if I could go back, I don't think I could guarantee I could stop that from happening.

Aside from that, if I hadn't put so much trust in the wrong person I wouldn't be in as much of a bad place as I am now.

 

[greebo6]

Made too many to pick out just one.....

 

[ADruinedmylife]

Taking antidepressants it was partially not my mistake though because I was put on them so young so I guess my mistake was having OCD.

 

[rabbithole]

Lumbar puncture. Ruined my entire life.

 

[Kat!]

abandoning friends, I also got taken out of school once by the fbi.
parents don't trust me anymore lol.

 

[benjamind2020]

Lumbar puncture. Ruined my entire life.

Wow that sounds awful. What actually happened? The worst I've heard is that pain lasts a few weeks.

 

[NodusTollens]

Being born... Bullying, low self-esteem, leaving home to flee emotional/physical abuse, only to fall into controlling relationships: sexual assault, gaslighting, manipulation, physical/emotional abuse; in addition to depression, anxiety, BPD, physical injury resulting in altered mobility & chronic pain.

 

[Circles]

Working at FedEx in 2018 for a year as a package handler and fucked up my spine and back by picking up a 140 pound box though I believe now it was a combination of the last 2 months there where they had me work 6 days a week during peak season in December. It was even the last box of the day so it was tempting to pick up the box and get it over with. I hurt my back on January 13 or 14, 2019 and it's about to be 2 years of this shit in 2 months from now on January 13-14, 2021.

Nothing still has permanently helped stop the pain besides steroid injections which only lasts a month or two and the doctors still don't 'specifically' know what's causing the pain since the damn MRI's don't fucking show anything besides saying it has something to do with my nerves and/or muscles and a muscle knot I have in my middle back. Their only advice at this point is that I get a referral for a neurologist which will takes months just to talk to one and the other I try to keep moving somehow even though I'm fucking housebound cause I can't get in my car to go walk and can't stand up for more than 45 minutes without fucking hurting. There's so much to this shit I'm already rambling. Bottom line it's been the worst 2 years of my life.

 

[NodusTollens]

Working at FedEx in 2018 for a year as a package handler and fucked up my spine and back by picking up a 140 pound box though I believe now it was a combination of the last 2 months there where they had me work 6 days a week during peak season in December. It was even the last box of the day so it was tempting to pick up the box and get it over with. I hurt my back on January 13 or 14, 2019 and it's about to be 2 years of this shit in 2 months from now on January 13-14, 2021.

Nothing still has permanently helped stop the pain besides steroid injections which only lasts a month or two and the doctors still don't 'specifically' know what's causing the pain since the damn MRI's don't fucking show anything besides saying it has something to do with my nerves and/or muscles and a muscle knot I have in my middle back. Their only advice at this point is that I get a referral for a neurologist which will takes months just to talk to one and the other I try to keep moving somehow even though I'm fucking housebound cause I can't get in my car to go walk and can't stand up for more than 45 minutes without fucking hurting. There's so much to this shit I'm already rambling. Bottom line it's been the worst 2 years of my life.

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. Nerve pain is debilitating, I don't wish it on anyone.

I don't know if you've ever tried CBD or if it's an option for you, but it really helps with pain management.

 

[Weary Soul]

Working at FedEx in 2018 for a year as a package handler and fucked up my spine and back by picking up a 140 pound box though I believe now it was a combination of the last 2 months there where they had me work 6 days a week during peak season in December. It was even the last box of the day so it was tempting to pick up the box and get it over with. I hurt my back on January 13 or 14, 2019 and it's about to be 2 years of this shit in 2 months from now on January 13-14, 2021.

Nothing still has permanently helped stop the pain besides steroid injections which only lasts a month or two and the doctors still don't 'specifically' know what's causing the pain since the damn MRI's don't fucking show anything besides saying it has something to do with my nerves and/or muscles and a muscle knot I have in my middle back. Their only advice at this point is that I get a referral for a neurologist which will takes months just to talk to one and the other I try to keep moving somehow even though I'm fucking housebound cause I can't get in my car to go walk and can't stand up for more than 45 minutes without fucking hurting. There's so much to this shit I'm already rambling. Bottom line it's been the worst 2 years of my life.

Nerve pain is so severely debilitating, I am sorry you are going through this.

I do not know if your docs have suggested them, but there are some meds that have helped people with severe nerve pain; gabapentin and a newer one Lyrica (pregabalin).

Please note that I am not a doctor, this is just what I have heard first hand from people in real life who have been helped by these meds where even narcotics did not help them.

Sending gentle hugs your way.
<3

 

[NodusTollens]

Nerve pain is so severely debilitating, I am sorry you are going through this.

I do not know if your docs have suggested them, but there are some meds that have helped people with severe nerve pain; gabapentin and a newer one Lyrica (pregabalin).

Please note that I am not a doctor, this is just what I have heard first hand from people in real life who have been helped by these meds where even narcotics did not help them.

Sending gentle hugs your way.
<3

Gabapentin? How do you find it, it was suggested to me, but I'm skeptical of it's efficacy outweighing potential side effects.

 

[ovaltinee99]

Not a mistake, but definitely my biology. If I didn't have mental health issues and wasn't tired and sleepy all the time, life would be a bit worth living.

 

[Gerard de Nerval]

From the guilt in loving others after the person I loved the most ctb. The more I feel love and demonstrate it, the greater I feel impelled to ctb. It makes love impossible, as it precludes my own death and damage to others.

 

[Weary Soul]

Gabapentin? How do you find it, it was suggested to me, but I'm skeptical of it's efficacy outweighing potential side effects.

In my country it is a prescription medication. I am not sure about other countries. I would check with a doctor before you take it, especially if you are on other medications.

I have had both - one for postconcussive syndrome (lyrica) and the other to help me sleep when I had a broken bone (I could not sleep due to the pain, so they gave me gabapentin).

The lyrica was a miracle med for me, but I was too afraid of its addiction potential so I stopped taking it - I am about to call the doc today to get another script because my head hurts so bad.

The gabapentin made me feel like I was in slow motion, didn't really like it at all, although it did help me sleep for about 2 hours; however, 2 other people I know who are on it swear by it.

Both are potentially addicting and I believe, like SSRIs, come with a suicidal ideation warning. So please make sure to check with a doc before taking these,

 

[NodusTollens]

In my country it is a prescription medication. I am not sure about other countries. I would check with a doctor before you take it, especially if you are on other medications.

I have had both - one for postconcussive syndrome (lyrica) and the other to help me sleep when I had a broken bone (I could not sleep due to the pain, so they gave me gabapentin).

The lyrica was a miracle med for me, but I was too afraid of its addiction potential so I stopped taking it - I am about to call the doc today to get another script because my head hurts so bad.

The gabapentin made me feel like I was in slow motion, didn't really like it at all, although it did help me sleep for about 2 hours; however, 2 other people I know who are on it swear by it.

Both are potentially addicting and I believe, like SSRIs, come with a suicidal ideation warning. So please make sure to check with a doc before taking these,

Hmm...okay, thank you. Definitely some food for thought, it was suggested to me by a DR but I'm skeptical. I've had DRs suggest medications to me that would negatively impact me, despite knowing my medical history because they were incentivized.

 

[Weary Soul]

Hmm...okay, thank you. Definitely some food for thought, it was suggested to me by a DR but I'm skeptical. I've had DRs suggest medications to me that would negatively impact me, despite knowing my medical history because they were incentivized.

Same, and in fact because I used to work in medicine, I have caught them in mistakes, one of which has permanently harmed me.

With that being said, there was no wait for onset of action with either medication, meaning that one dose was effective. One night after taking gabapentin I knew it was not for me - I sounded like I had had a stroke - couldn't speak clearly, etc.

With the lyrica - one dose and all neuropathic pain including vomiting from the pain was gone. However, it made me nervous because I wanted to increase the dose after 2 weeks (granted I was on the lowest dose, but I was afraid of the addiction potential).

In any case, what I am getting at, is that these meds were not like antidepressants where one has to wait a month or so for an effect to kick in. I knew right away whether or not they would help.

Alla that being said, everyone is different and I am not trying to push these meds on anyone, just suggesting that there are viable options out there for those with severe nerve pain that is not helped by narcotics. I am a firm believer that everyone needs to become their own doctor as best they can - no one knows your body better than you do.

Peace to you, I hope you can get some relief. Chronic pain is horrific.

(Sorry to OP - this was a bit off topic)

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

It's a series of mistakes that has led me to this point. If I had to pick out one it would be dropping out of university and moving back to my country of birth. I think if I had stayed abroad I might have become independent and maybe had a chance at a decent life. I don't think my life was ever going to be that great no matter what choices I made, but it didn't have to be this bad.

 

[NodusTollens]

Same, and in fact because I used to work in medicine, I have caught them in mistakes, one of which has permanently harmed me.

With that being said, there was no wait for onset of action with either medication, meaning that one dose was effective. One night after taking gabapentin I knew it was not for me - I sounded like I had had a stroke - couldn't speak clearly, etc.

With the lyrica - one dose and all neuropathic pain including vomiting from the pain was gone. However, it made me nervous because I wanted to increase the dose after 2 weeks (granted I was on the lowest dose, but I was afraid of the addiction potential).

In any case, what I am getting at, is that these meds were not like antidepressants where one has to wait a month or so for an effect to kick in. I knew right away whether or not they would help.

Alla that being said, everyone is different and I am not trying to push these meds on anyone, just suggesting that there are viable options out there for those with severe nerve pain that is not helped by narcotics. I am a firm believer that everyone needs to become their own doctor as best they can - no one knows your body better than you do.

Peace to you, I hope you can get some relief. Chronic pain is horrific.

(Sorry to OP - this was a bit off topic)

Thank you, you've really given me a lot to this about &now a new medication to look into that was never suggested to me. I'm always hesitant about starting new drugs because of addiction potential &side effects.

Take care &thanks again.

 

[Lightflicker]

Guess to summarize it. Everything is temporary in life and I don't wanna be apart of this temporary life no more. You know when you're just well truly f tried of trying that was years ago well I feel now I am ready. I don't wanna burden anymore with my existences

 

[no 4mat]

I lost 3 wives like that, but the last one was the sweetest woman i ever met. And i treated her like crap. Cheated like 50 times, got caught almost every time. Was rude to her - yes she was a bit clingy at times cos she was madly in love with me, such a caring cute person... And it was my initiative to divorce. Im a fucking moron. I think about her every minute now(its been 1.5 years now) and its agony. Regret is a fucking agony.

that feel when still a huggless kissless virgin..


hope you're doing well now brother

 

[job1315]

Abusing alcohol so hard I am dealing with profound effects on my body 7 years later