Challenging the notion you shouldn't ctb, if you have doubts

[never mind me]

Time and again I read threads about people being adviced not to ctb, if they have doubts. Although I understand that it may be best not to ctb on impulse, I don't get the whole "you are not supposed to ctb, if you have doubts" thing. Given the fact how humans are biologically programmed to try and survive at all costs I don't think that it is realistic for most people to not have doubts before ctb. Or at least feel sad about dying. I can imagine very few situations where a person may not have doubts about ctb, because it is really obvious that life can't improve any more and they are going to die soon anyway. The only thing that comes to mind would be people with incurable terminal illness, like suffering from stage 4 cancer or a prisoner facing imminent execution.
But even someone who suffers from a physical illness that is currently untreatable and affects life in a way that the person suffering from it wishes to rather be dead than to live like this can't be 100% sure it will stay like that. Especially if the person is still young or middle aged, there is still a chance that there might be a cure in 10 or 20 years that could turn the person's life around, if he or she decides to live long enough.
Even someone who is imprisoned and tortured can't know for sure that life will always be as miserable, because maybe in 5 or 10 years the government of the country where the person is imprisoned will be overthrown and the person might be released, if still alive.
Regarding severe mental illness the situation is very much the same as with physical illness, even if it is not treatable now, it may be in 20 years. So even someone who is in unbearable pain because of mental illness can never be sure beyond doubt that his situation won't improve.
If it is life circumstances that cause people to consider ctb like being homeless, living in poverty or being socially isolated it is probably even less predictable, if these circumstances will change in the future than it is with the examples mentioned before.
So almost everyone who considers ctb should have doubts, because it is in most cases impossible to be 100% sure that life won't improve. Considering this, one would either assume that ctb is never a good idea except in cases that a person is facing imminent death anyway.
Or one has to assume that the notion of "you shouldn't ctb, if you have doubts" is either nonsense or that the trick is to ignore the fact that one doesn't know for sure, if life will improve or not and thus not have doubts about ctb. But this would mean that to sucessfully ctb you have to be unrealistic or even delusional in the way that you assume knowing for certain that your life can't improve anymore while you realistically have no knowledge to make this assumption.
Personally I can't imagine myself not having doubts before ctb. So I don't know how I would ever be able to ctb, if I am not supposed to do it while having doubts. I think at some point it is just necessary to take a decision even, if you have doubts. In fact we have to take many decisions despite having doubts, so I don't know why ctb should be any different.

 

[EmptyBottle]

mmm, interesting take... for me, it's "if in doubt, waiting to confirm may be safer than impulse"... then again, one can generally choose whether to take the safer path or not.

Additionally, survival instinct and risk of interruption/etc deter me from trying to CTB... plus, my CTB wishes have been lower for the last few days, and foreseeably the next few days.

 

[Kabalite]

Ending things permanently is a drastic action. The most drastic action one can take in their own lives. A failed attempt can lead to all sorts of consequences, not least of which is impairment or disfigurement as well as hospitalization and the social stigma that can come from a failed attempt, leading to a worse quality of life than before. I think if one is going to attempt they should be certain the path is the correct one. Maybe some attempts fail with no to minimal consequences, or maybe someone blows their face off but survives and now has to live with that. But yes, nobody can know for sure what the future will bring. It could improve. It could still be a lifetime of suffering. It's up to each person to evaluate their lives and their own possible futures to figure out if CTB is really the best option or if it's just one of many. I think all but the most desperate and unhinged (no offense to anyone I understand life is tough) will have at least some doubts. Your survival instinct is a powerful force and that's hard to overcome.

I don't advocate for taking one's own life but neither do I discourage it. If someone has evaluated their existence and comes to the conclusion that no, I do not want to live, I do not want the future I see coming for myself, therefore the greater kindness is exiting this world, then fine. You have to consider mental illnesses too sure. Some people aren't mentally fit to make those choices. The question is can you save them? It's worth a try sure, but I think some people are just not able to be saved as harsh as that sounds. Some people are too far gone for whatever reason, whether it's emotional trauma, mental instability or insane, uncontrollable urges. I know there are some people that just suffer every day. People with debilitating diseases, people with trauma so bad that every day is a struggle, or people with nothing but emptiness inside them. To those people I would say do what you think is best.

We all gotta go eventually. Each of us has to ask ourselves if the future that's coming is one we want to live, and if the present is worth suffering through (if your life is really so bad that you see the present that way) to see that future. We make our own future. Some of us have a greater ability to actively influence it than others. For some it might be a lifetime of pain with very few other possibilities and I wouldn't blame someone living in agony for ceasing to exist rather than hold on to a vague hope that they'll be cured if it doesn't seem likely any time soon. But I think having doubts is very natural. Most anyone would if they found themselves with the barrel of a loaded shotgun in their mouth or their neck in a noose. To make that choice is one you might (or definitely won't in some cases) come back from, so you should really run through every scenario possible so you can quell those doubts as best you can. If you can get to that point congratulations you might be able to do it. If you still have those doubts I would step back and consider things. No need to make any hasty moves until you're certain that's the only way out of this hell. It is possible life can and will improve. How probable is it though? Is it worth enduring years or decades of suffering hoping for a few years of things improving? How much potential does your future need to have for improvement before you can make that call? If you have 40 years left but 25 of them will be awful is sacrificing the 15 that would or could be better worth that trade? I dunno. You can't either. So think about it carefully. The topic this site focuses on isn't (or shouldn't be) an impulsive act. It is quite literally the decision between life and death. Take that seriously.

 

[sadbh]

I'm expecting to have doubts as a part of SI. I've been doubting more lately too, for no logical reason. I still think it's best to die.

So, when the time comes, I will have to manage SI. Either compartmentalize and not think about dying, or use anxiety meds to take fear out of the equation.

 

[nayomi]

i mean even if there is a light in the end of the tunnel, the tunnel can be long enough to do it anyway.

 

[Surek]

Just adding my two cents: seeing all those messages saying "if you're doubting, you aren't ready" just leaves me feeling hollow. Everything on my end is ready, I'm just struggling to pull the trigger due to SI