anxious - thoughts racing all the time. whenever I used to write about my feelings, I'd usually start with "I feel empty nothingness, like inside is just a void" (or something to that effect), but now all I can do is think. I've constantly got this tightness as if I've got work due in the next thirty seconds but there's not really anything there for me to be anxious about. I mean, I've got self-imposed deadlines for my christmas music that I want to record, and I always feel like I'm counting down to payday even when I have plenty of money in savings, but other than that I just don't know. it feels like I'm forgetting something important, but I don't know what. I want to cry sometimes, but I just can't. it's been so long since I did properly that I don't know how anymore, and nothing seems to push me over the edge enough to actually make me cry. this means I resort to other coping mechanisms, and then the urges to sh come back. I force myself not to, because I know it only makes things worse, but I need some kind of way to release my emotions. today was my last day at my second job, which I'm hoping will fix a lot of things (because I'll only be working 35 hours a week instead of 50 lmao), but I also feel like I've been using my overworking as an excuse too much. I feel that I've become distant from my partner even though I love her - I just don't have the motivation or energy to talk to her as much as I'd like to. anyway, I need sleep so I'm going to stop typing now. this felt better than just typing into a google doc though, so I'll probably be back some time soon