Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Life_and_Death]

im so tired of myself it feels like my bpd itself is too tired to react. just "yeah whatever i cant be bothered to care"

 

[greebo6]

Lonely

 

[therenexuefrbue]

anxious - thoughts racing all the time. whenever I used to write about my feelings, I'd usually start with "I feel empty nothingness, like inside is just a void" (or something to that effect), but now all I can do is think. I've constantly got this tightness as if I've got work due in the next thirty seconds but there's not really anything there for me to be anxious about. I mean, I've got self-imposed deadlines for my christmas music that I want to record, and I always feel like I'm counting down to payday even when I have plenty of money in savings, but other than that I just don't know. it feels like I'm forgetting something important, but I don't know what. I want to cry sometimes, but I just can't. it's been so long since I did properly that I don't know how anymore, and nothing seems to push me over the edge enough to actually make me cry. this means I resort to other coping mechanisms, and then the urges to sh come back. I force myself not to, because I know it only makes things worse, but I need some kind of way to release my emotions. today was my last day at my second job, which I'm hoping will fix a lot of things (because I'll only be working 35 hours a week instead of 50 lmao), but I also feel like I've been using my overworking as an excuse too much. I feel that I've become distant from my partner even though I love her - I just don't have the motivation or energy to talk to her as much as I'd like to. anyway, I need sleep so I'm going to stop typing now. this felt better than just typing into a google doc though, so I'll probably be back some time soon

 

[Life_and_Death]

i loved getting blamed because the human race sucks

apparently, according to 1 idiot, i need a psychiatrist because i dare to want to be treated with respect and not talk about my trauma all the time.

i need the help, im "cruel" because other people are fucking assholes and im sick of it. yeah...that makes sense.

its everyone else that needs the fucking help. send them all back to kindergarten so they can learn when to shut the fuck up.

 

[Life_and_Death]

"how are you doing today?"
just fucking wonderful, im bitching out my "bf" for being depressed after dealing with abusive bullshit (both of us, not just him)

"its your fault you cant make friends. youre a bitch that doesnt want to talk about anything"

you hate me if i talk, you hate me if i dont talk.
and somehow its my fault the human race is abusive and worthless. yep, thats nice, you just add on to the pile of worthless people, at least youre at the top of something (until the next 20 douchebags come along and bury you at least).
but you dont see how youre part of the problem. thats the problem with the human race, theyre so fucking stupid and careless

 

[anxious_depressive]

Well, I found the strength to clean the house and do laundry.

But I still feel like an ugly, stupid, useless bitch.
I restrict myself from eating to punish myself.

I'm so scared and tired.

 

[Turkish_Rose]

Emptiness and despair.

 

[Cress]

My arms and legs hurt really bad I'm unbelievably tired yet I feel wide awake and unable to sleep at the same time. I feel like my stomach is full yet I feel hungry at the same time and I can barely eat more than 300 calories at a time. I feel like my body is dying and I'm slowly shutting down But the death just never comes it just continues the suffering. I feel horrible

 

[Life_and_Death]

i want to work my damn ass off to get a house....

just so i can cut out 2 giant middle fingers to put on the front lawn and kms inside

 

[S like suicide]

I feel dead inside.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Amazing

 

[Praestat_Mori]

hungry

 

[Life_and_Death]

i know you dont..... i know you wouldnt want me to..... but i regret touching you.....


the worst part....i regret it that r*pe, reject my body sort of way.
nothing about it was... it couldnt have been anymore consensual..... (that i know of....)
i just really really regret it.....

 

[Reika179]

Demotivated and drained. Dont have the motivation to eat, get out of my room or do anything at all. Socializing is draining me everyday. It feels like im reading an invisible script when im with people. If I say/do something off script people are going to judge. I just want a break, I dont really want tomorrow to come.

 

[Life_and_Death]

"i thought about it and no matter what its gonna suck sooo..."

no, just fuck off.... im not good enough, im not worth it....
and even after you "changed your mind" i still couldnt get you to say im worth it...

just kill yourself just kill yourself just kill yourself just kill yourself

 

[Vesiira]

just a lot of sadness. i was feeling fine earlier, but then it just plummets. love mood swings! my brain keeps screaming at me to just end it all already, while i'm just trying to stay afloat. all i can do right now is mindlessly scroll social media so the voices aren't so loud.

 

[IceCoffeeTrombone]

I feel nothing.

 

[Heading to Darkness]

Confused,a little scared mentally and physically exhausted
Trying hard to keep to my plan as i know its right needing a bit of love i think

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I started going to the gym,
But I know my future is grim.
My life is going to go nowhere,
And it won't help that I know life is unfair.

I'm a hamster who loves a treadmill,
A little pet who can't sit still.
Adore me -
Until I CTB.

I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense - this is what I feel.

 

[sarang]

Since u said right now and not to think, i would type it out js like tht...
I miss my ex incredibly... im obsessed or is it love? Feels like dedth to me. I cant imagine myself without him and him being with someone else while im on earth. I kept remincing old memories. I hate it. Sooo much. Yet these feelings r killin me. I feel like he is in the top of world. I dont like anyone else. I want nly him... also i have BPD. Maybe its not love js my illness that makes him be on a pedestal. He got glow up and i feel shii. Personally i stopped caring altogether. I lost soo much weight due to my suicidal thoughts and depression. I stopped even smiling lol. I dont like talking with people. It kills me. I wanna die. Yet here he is alright. I dont mind that yet idk hwo to feel. If feel soo inferior, ugly, less for him right now than i ever did n my life... i feel sooo ugly and untalented and useless to be alive at all

 

[slothstar56]

I feel mad when I open my eyes yet again for another day of BS. It would be nice to wake up feeling happy, but that won't happen when I have a miserable job and depressing home life.
I am tired of hurting when I walk, tired of not being able to enjoy a walk on the beach, to stop and pick up shells. Tired of having to say no to going somewhere because It will hurt too much to walk. And I want to know if when I CTB, if I will see my cats, that is how I am feeling.

 

[BackpackBones]

I feel numb.
I feel confused. I feel like I'm becoming everything I hate and everything I said I despised out of my friends. I feel like maybe my ex was right -(because) self-isolation has been nothing but good for me.
I'm not sure if I'm feeling a bit better or if I'm distracted.

 

[Timelapse]

I hate being self aware. Realizing what I am. How I am. How I have to feel anything. How I have to go through the motions of the day-to-day.

I feel like life is relentless.

 

[Fimbulvetr]

I'm super fucking frustrated. One of my "friends" was being a jerk to me 'cause I was physically assaulted and she just fuckin' left me to die, basically, when I asked her for help. Luckily one of my other friends stepped in and told me how to mend my wounds, but I'm so fucking pissed at this friend coz I spent like a week trying to contact her and she just repeatedly made me have panic attacks instead by making others tell me I triggered her (I have no idea how but she assumed it was self harm and to guilt her because she's fucking insane) and it's just!!!! so fucking frustrating I wanna scream

 

[Salvation_]

I feel like my friendship isn't healthy. I get hurt too often, to the point where I wonder why I want more friends when I know they're all going to turn out disappointing. But at the same time, I get lonely. It feels like a lose-lose. I feel like I would be fine, being alone with only stories as my only friends, because they can't hurt me the same way that people do. They don't look down upon my interests, or how I chose to live my life, or even who I am.

It's so idealistic to think that people work like characters do—but it feels like it's never been further from the truth. The truth is that unlovable people have to work to be loved, unlike what those stories like to perpetuate. The idea that an unlovable person can simply be loved just by existing seems like a naive way to think of the world, even though I desperately want to believe in that idea, and have extensively centered all my writing around it. But it's just projection. Because the truth is, I don't think it's possible, although it would be in a perfect world. As I like to say, it's just human nature.

I ask myself everyday why I continue on. For who, for what, why and how will you continue to live on like this. Life moves on for everybody, but not everybody can catch up with life's pace. And we're expected to just deal with it, society expects us to get over it because they did. What they don't see is the corpses that get left behind, or maybe they willingly never look back. In a world populated by several billion people, we are but a moment in this time, ready to be forgotten quickly. Perhaps it's sad that such a fact gives me comfort rather than anxiety, having my death be perceived is my worst nightmare.


I know I won't cut off my only friend despite how I feel. I already cut off everyone else. The problem is me, clearly, but even my ounce of self-awareness isn't helpful enough to push me to become a better person. At this point, I start to accept the fact that I am unlovable, which is why the only way I can cope is writing stories where unlovable characters can be loved, unconditionally. I'm happy for them.

 

[Life_and_Death]

he said i was abusive so i blocked him... what better reason to kms...

i didnt even really do anything.... im sorry my mental disorders broke my brain so i feel extreme emotions and cant understand yours...
whats even the point of living...

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Just stressed about family stuff

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Usually, I feel empty or depressed and hopeless. Even when I feel quick flights of joy or happiness that feeling of emptiness remains. However, right now I am ANGRY!!! Imagine my reaction to finding out that I can't purchase this book because it isn't real:

 

[ultraviolence]

Gross and lazy. Lying on my floor feeling like shit and wanting to get up and turn my life around but I seem to be glued to the ground

 

[Bad-luck]

just really tired. But also just empty and honestly kinda sad.