Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[anxious_depressive]

Completely depressed, exhausted and suicidal.
I just can't get out of bed.

 

[Lullaby]

I've been crying a lot for the last 24 hours or so. There's this YouTube channel I've been watching for the last year, about a guy who was trying to befriend a stray cat in the neighborhood that would come to his house. He had been doing it for three years and they became really close.

She went missing a couple of days ago and they found her body. I think she had been attacked by a coyote or something. It feels weird to get attached to animal I didn't even personally know.

I feel horrible for him as he had lost both his parents to cancer just before he started taking care of this cat.

It just has me super upset and I've been so fixated on it for almost two days…I just can't even fathom why things like this happen to good people.

Rest easy, Scruffy that little animal was able to touch people she didn't even know.

 

[NocturnILL]

I have no will to live. I have absolutely no desire to want to live. I am scared and full of shame that the thought of my wonderful beautiful, loving, funny, smart son might not be enough anymore. I love and care about him so much he's literally my rib. I feel confused if he's better off with or without me but he doesn't deserve to feel what he'll feel when I am gone. I feel sickened within myself not only as just a person but as a mother. I feel all over the place yet nothing at all? I feel tired very very tired.

 

[Agon321]

Fear mixed with anger. A very specific feeling that I don't like.

 

[outatime_85]

I know where my road leads.

My book is coming to a close, and the chapters detailing the finality of my life are being written as I live them.

So, each day, things for me become more clear, as does my acceptance of how I got to where I am and the fact that it is all my fault and that I deserve everything that happened to me.

I also don't deserve anything less than the war that rages inside my mind.

I deserve my eventual self-termination.

 

[iamalreadydead]

Im very depressed and in pain and i want the pain to stop so bad but it hasnt stopped hurting in years so i know relief will never come unless i kill myself but im too scared

 

[PuppyinPain]

Hopeless, I just finished cutting myself after a man followed and harassed me in a parking lot and my family told me I deserved to be treated that way. I wish I hadn't left I should have let him potentially kill me.

 

[jajajamielee]

Overheated and dizzy and I have tunnel vision and god damn I need a higher dose of Aderall, I can never fucking focus anymore

 

[HollowDrop]

Physically and mentally tired, a little sick. I wish I could keep sleeping.

 

[SmollMushroom]

Hopeless.
I see nothing to grasp.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Okayish

 

[honeytea]

I feel empty and distant and apathetic to everything around me, yesterday I relapsed into self harm and I kinda feel embarrassed about it, like a juvenile way to seek attention kinda? I know it's not tho but I still feel shame

 

[Lostandlooking]

I'm so easily shaken. Even something relatively insignificant sends me into depression. I don't even know if it's justified that I feel so defeated today.

I went to a shop today because I had some questions about a product I'm thinking of buying. It was busy. I was waiting along with 2 other people. They both arrived after me. They both got helped by the sales person before me. I was trying to stay cool because one person had a baby so I thought well.. they maybe should go first. The other person was old and in a wheelchair. So I thought alright… sure, maybe they need to go first. I was standing near the sales person looking at them, or I casually looked at the products while keeping a look out for when he was ready to help me. I think it was obvious I wanted help. I must be wrong somehow. After the person in the wheelchair he went on to help another person who came in even later. At that point I was standing about 4 meters away from him. And I just thought maybe I should wave. Maybe I really am invisible. So I waved. No reaction. Some time later some people queud at the register. And after he was done with the last person he went straight to them to help. At that point I walked in his direction and said: I've been waiting for 45 minutes (which was accurate) he quickly apologized and went on to help those people at the register. After that he finally came to help me. I feel so deflated. I tried my best to make it clear that I wanted help. And I get how it is in retail jobs. He was alone. And I look like a person who is not going to be angry. Maybe I should have been more assertive, but that makes me feel like an asshole. I know patience and kindness are taken advantage of in this world. Still, I want to be patient and kind. But I struggle to accept the consequences. I just wish it was different.

I don't know if I'm just too sensitive. And I should be more assertive. But even when I was more assertive it didn't seem to make any difference today.

I just feel so deflated. This is something that happens to me every once in a while. And I deal with by trying not to ask for help in the first place. This must be the first time in years that I actually went to a shop to ask about a product. Because I know there's often complications. When I was younger sometimes people didn't hear me when I talked, I guess because my voice was too quiet. It's a weird situation. And I was reminded of that today. You just feel invisible.

I don't really blame the salesperson. He seemed nice. It's just situations and how they never go according to plan.

 

[outatime_85]

@lostandlooking
Yes, patience and kindness can be construed as weaknesses, and being assertive is seen as a trait that should be valued.

I think it was fine that you showed patience and kindness to the lady with the child and the elderly.

That said, you shouldn't be afraid to show your teeth and speak up.

There are ways to get your point across while being politely assertive, and then there are times when you may have to be ahole assertive.

As for the consequences, I think you have to weigh the way you are being treated vs. not allowing that treatment.

I think it is clear you do not like to be thought of as a doormat, but it is also clear you don't want to go around pissing in everyone's cornflakes.

There are levels of assertiveness, agreeableness, and disagreeableness.

The encounter you had at the store required a small amount of assertiveness (where you could have let the worker, and other shoppers know you were there first), and the disagreeableness comes into play (because you would have been causing discomfort for everyone by being assertive and not accepting being ignored).

Sorry for the rambling off-topic post, and if my thought on this is wrong, ignore the post.

 

[Lostandlooking]

Yes, patience and kindness can be construed as weaknesses, and being assertive is seen as a trait that should be valued.

No worries, I was rambling myself. Just getting irritated because I wasn't helped fast enough in a retail setting. Not exactly life threatening stuff. And I value your reply. You're right about how to go about these sort of situations. I find it difficult to assess how assertive I should be, how I should assert myself and in which situation to do this. And I hate being disagreeable, I'd beat myself up if I were too assertive in a situation. So it's constantly trying to assess situations… tiring. But part of the game.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. It's been a few hours and I'm settling down. Hope you're doing alright.

 

[greebo6]

Very worried/anxious.

 

[Cage]

The desire to indulge in degenerate happy shit to distract myself from the harsh realities of the world

 

[StillBreathing]

Detached
Multiple personalities
Hurt others feelings
No self awareness
Cannot think
Cannot sleep
Regret

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Stressed and unfocussed. Pretty meh.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Pain... Most of my body hurts. Exhaustion. Even when I do sleep, I'm exhausted.

 

[nux_walpurgis]

Stress, stress, anxiety, stress.

I feel like my chest is tied in a million knots. I want all this to end.

 

[Zegers]

feeling nervy with ctb getting closer and closer but excited at the same time, like seeing the way out of a desert after spending years in the sands.

 

[Lullaby]

To realize that you really don't mean anything to anyone and that no one means anything to you. To know that you're just a small bit player in the larger drama of their lives.

The great cosmic joke is getting funnier everyday. I feel like a ghost in my own life.

I know nothing ever works out, but I still always get upset about it. Makes no damn sense, I should be used to it by now.

 

[outatime_85]

Lost and empty.

I do not belong here, and I am a mistake.

I do not deserve to exist or live.

I am an inferior product.

Life is gray.

 

[SpencerSees]

foreign so unreal hes been replaced and hes with them why cant i sleep

 

[movinout17]

Self pity, and sorry. Very sorry.

 

[vitbar]

Stressed over an ambiguous social situation. I had a friend I met through work. Things seemed good. They left for another job and we stayed in contact. Then one day I stopped getting replies. After a few weeks I asked if she wanted space. She got irritated with me and said she was just busy. A month passes and still very little contact. Bumped into her today. She seemed okay with me, but maybe a bit distant. Can't tell if it's just my anxiety telling me she seemed displeased to see me.

Either way I'm up late obsessing about it. Really need to get some sleep as I have work early tomorrow.

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

empty, toxic, proud

Hopeless, I just finished cutting myself after a man followed and harassed me in a parking lot and my family told me I deserved to be treated that way. I wish I hadn't left I should have let him potentially kill me.

I wish I could hurt him

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I feel adrift. Everything has just been so routine lately. Yet, I still experience a sense of dread with each approaching morning. My life feels nonsensical and meaningless, and I don't know what's coming next. Life is incredibly dull.

 

[Morgengrauen]

Both empty and numb yet in agony and sorrow at the same time. Like a glowing metal ball slowly burning through ice.
Very mich affected by the fact i'm drunk but it's a general thing that i felt the past month. Just want it to end feeling so numb to everything yet i'm still feeling the same sorrows over and over burning through the core, so much grief for everything yet nothing.