Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

Oh my fucking god my parents are clueless. Did I ever rant here that they told me to worry about friendships later in life and to focus studying now (even in high school???)

Well yeah, they are friendless. They literally don't talk to anyone. And then I am having a conversation about employment with my mother and not wanting to move out of town for a job because I like it here and have friends here.

"Oh but you can make new ones in this nicer town!"

THE FUCKING AUDACITY.
LOOK WHO'S TALKING, BITCH.

At least I know better now not to listen to their absolute bullshit crazy talk nonsense.

Ugh.

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

i feel scared and confused, and also hopeless and just sad.
i'm scared of the future, scared of growing distance between me and me only friend, im scared of being alone, im scared of my mom, im scared of getting a job or going to school or going outside. im scared of dying, but im especially scared of living
im confused about what im supposed to feel, and what im supposed to do. sometimes i cant tell if im sad or calm or stressed or okay. sometimes i can, but i dont know why. other times i know what im feeling and i know why, but i dont know if its okay or what to do with my feelings

i feel overwhelmed, but i also feel empty



i dont know what to do. i regret being so shy, and because of that unintentionally distancing mysely from my friend. we still talk, but we're not as close as we used to be. i get so jealous of her other, and probably closer friends. i wish i wasnt such a failure and i wish i didnt drop out of college. i hate this, i wish i could go back and there'd be so many things i would change. i spend most days laying in bed, finding ways to pass the time. sometimes i'll eat but not enough, i'll cry in the bathroom because its the only place i can be alone in this house. i play games, take long showers, listen to music, none of it's rly fun though. idk

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly want disapre nobod undrstd, this rly awfl wrld all pain sffr no stop

 

[tryingmybest]

I don't think i can even describe it anymore

 

[Lullaby]

I feel so bad for venting about something that's probably not even a big deal to most people's problems, but I guess this is just the latest thing to impact my life. I have no one to turn to anymore; no friends, therapist, etc.

Just feel beyond hurt and angry. Livid. I'm torn between crying, punching my wall or just going back to sleep. 95% of my time lately has just been sleeping, waking up for a little and then forcing myself back to sleep. I literally cannot handle being awake and dealing with my life.

Yet another person in my life has just totally abandoned me. I'm not perfect and a hard person to deal with, but I really did so much for them, especially at their lowest. To be just tossed aside like disposable trash, after everything...I feel so disgusted with myself for ever letting my guard down and being vulnerable. I have so much I want to say to this person. I want to just yell and scream at them, to get them to realize how much they actually hurt me, but it's pointless when someone shows you that they literally do not care. I am so tired of trying to be a good person and getting hurt for it.

I just hate them so, so much.

So fitting that this happens now; the hardest time of the year for me, when I feel the most loneliest. I'm so over all of this, and I'm tired of feeling like the universe is punishing me. God forbid I wake up and something good actually happens to me.

 

[camsnyder]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

i feel lonely. i want a motherly figure in my life. i'm mad that as soon as i thought my mom was trying to make progress with me she did shit behind my back and tried to ruin my life again. i'm scared because i can feel myself slipping into another episode.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Can't function anymore. Constantly reminded of failures. Too exhausted to do anything. Just want it to be over.
Screwed since birth, especially in the DNA department. Good DNA anyway. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. The lifemare never ends. So stupid, I will never have a normal life. The year will be over soon and I'm still fucking here. No One should have to be alive if they don't want to !!!
Zero dick energy. Life is too much effort now.

 

[Brown-Jacket Revy]

"Okay" for the first time in months.

Of course that is subject to change on a whim.

 

[Mea Culpa]

An overwhelming sense of guilt that I'm a complete burden to everyone I associate with. I pity the people who choose to care about me because I am such a low nar that I'm being crushed by it on the ground.

They can find better people to associate with like everyone else has, someone who can be there for then in more ways than I can. I only truly hurt the people I care about and it wont be long until it happens again.

Everything is hopeless and I am worthless, I'll never be good enough and I'll always feel like a failure. I'm just an npc that's waiting to be replaced by someone whos better than me.

I hate waking up every morning to still be alive and to still be me. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. I can't stand my voice. I can't stand being this person. I don't even feel truly human anymore.

I find so little joy in everything and anything that all I want to do is sleep and never wake up again.

I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve food, i don't deserve people that care, i don't deserve to be alive.

I don't wanna be here anymore, I don't wanna keep suffering anymore, I don't wanna keep waiting on baited breath to see when I'll be abandoned all over again. I don't wanna keep having to restart my life over and over in the hopes that things will be better when instead they just get so much worse.

Im always just gonna be a burden, I'll never make anything of myself. Im just worthless garbage.

 

[CTB Dream]

I feel so bad for venting about something that's probably not even a big deal to most people's problems, but I guess this is just the latest thing to impact my life. I have no one to turn to anymore; no friends, therapist, etc.

Just feel beyond hurt and angry. Livid. I'm torn between crying, punching my wall or just going back to sleep. 95% of my time lately has just been sleeping, waking up for a little and then forcing myself back to sleep. I literally cannot handle being awake and dealing with my life.

Yet another person in my life has just totally abandoned me. I'm not perfect and a hard person to deal with, but I really did so much for them, especially at their lowest. To be just tossed aside like disposable trash, after everything...I feel so disgusted with myself for ever letting my guard down and being vulnerable. I have so much I want to say to this person. I want to just yell and scream at them, to get them to realize how much they actually hurt me, but it's pointless when someone shows you that they literally do not care. I am so tired of trying to be a good person and getting hurt for it.

I just hate them so, so much.

So fitting that this happens now; the hardest time of the year for me, when I feel the most loneliest. I'm so over all of this, and I'm tired of feeling like the universe is punishing me. God forbid I wake up and something good actually happens to me.

Yea v sry know this feel this awfl ppl alws abndn etc, no mtr hpn wat human awfl no stay. Yea no mtr wat do alws deal same trash. V sry v know this cruel life cruel species me know this awfl ,species injury damage callous fiend injury damage me all ignore me prtnd nothin all abndn, me lose all say come come nobod come, yea me no want exst this scum wrld scum species. V sry hpn u

 

[Brown-Jacket Revy]

An overwhelming sense of guilt that I'm a complete burden to everyone I associate with. I pity the people who choose to care about me because I am such a low nar that I'm being crushed by it on the ground.

They can find better people to associate with like everyone else has, someone who can be there for then in more ways than I can. I only truly hurt the people I care about and it wont be long until it happens again.

Everything is hopeless and I am worthless, I'll never be good enough and I'll always feel like a failure. I'm just an npc that's waiting to be replaced by someone whos better than me.

I hate waking up every morning to still be alive and to still be me. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. I can't stand my voice. I can't stand being this person. I don't even feel truly human anymore.

I find so little joy in everything and anything that all I want to do is sleep and never wake up again.

I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve food, i don't deserve people that care, i don't deserve to be alive.

I don't wanna be here anymore, I don't wanna keep suffering anymore, I don't wanna keep waiting on baited breath to see when I'll be abandoned all over again. I don't wanna keep having to restart my life over and over in the hopes that things will be better when instead they just get so much worse.

Im always just gonna be a burden, I'll never make anything of myself. Im just worthless garbage.

Damn I feel every bit of this.

 

[Is0lated]

Confused

 

[S like Siren]

I feel really bad and i am alone deling with this... I've been crying and shaking all day, I'm scared and I feel really abandoned in the world. I really feel so scared that I can't even think and act normally anymore... I've lost contact with the reality totally, I haven't physically talked to someone in a long time and I'm feeling really bad now... I don't know what to do, I can't even move and there's no one I can ask for help. It's really even beyond sad.
When will I be able to kill myself? I want to die with all of myself,all this hurts too much and I am scared

 

[Salvation_]

What's even the point of recovery? We all end up in the same place anyway.

 

[BurgundySnap]

Why am I such a crybaby over something like this? Why can't I just cope with it and suck it up like they all want me to? I have to beg and grovel like a toddler just for some interaction and I'm burning up inside, and I hate feeling this way and I just want it to end and feel okay again.

 

[haibane]

Completely empty, not even sad or anything. Im just tired of living

 

[Mea Culpa]

I feel selfish for wanting to ctb. Hes had 2 friends ctb already and here I am planning to be his 3rd. I wish I was as strong as he was. Tried to ctb twice but managed to turn his life around and find joy in it.

I wish I was able to find joy in this life. I wish I could be strong like that. But it's just not happening. Im selfish, im going to hurt him. But I'm so useless, i don't know what he sees in me to keep me around his friend, best friend even.

I've never had friends, and now that I'm close to hopping the bus, here he comes I to my life. I'm selfish. I'm mad at him for being this block. But I'm happy to have had him for the short time I did.

...I really am a horrible selfish person for wanting to ctb. He doesnt deserve this, but I've wanted this since childhood.

The weight of it all is beginning to be unbearable. I wont be able to wait much longer. Its strangling me, suffocating me, drowning me... I feel so guilty and selfish for hurting such a kind and caring sweet person.... someone who took his time to care and worry about me.... all for nothing in the end...

 

[Zegers]

It feels like a torment loop, i can't stand it anymore, i don't even have the "my life isn't that bad" kind of life, it's awful! and i haven't got the method ready yet because i don't have the energy.

 

[Meditation guide]

Animal -- just hanging on to survival any way possible. Fighting a losing battle.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

Disappointed.

 

[Meditation guide]

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

I come here often wanting to write something, but then I realize I've already said it all here before. I guess that's the problem, nothing changes. The same misery day after day, suffering over and over again.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I should be in bed. So tired of everything. Why???
I also can't think of anything to say anymore. Usually just post in the music threads. So sick of life.
I can't go through another winter. I've said this for the last five years.
Please god... Let me die!!!

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Dry and barren.
My eyes and throat are dry.
My skin is tight.
That's physical.
Inside, I know I have to prepare stuff for a meeting today but cannot be bothered. Feels absolutely pointless.
I fluctuate between feeling overly emotional and this current feeling of emptiness/lack of investment in anything.

 

[outatime_85]

I thought in my youth I had time to change the outcome of where my life was headed while trying to escape my pain through self-medication.

I now sit here.

Just a pathetic loser.

I am such a useless person.

I was fooling myself into thinking I could make it on this rock when I never had a chance.

I should have turned out my lights a long, long time ago.

I have no future.

I am defeated, fully accepting that I have made way too many mistakes and that I have zero chances left and zero support.

I cause nothing but problems for people around me.

No one around me cares, just as long as I am not in the way.

I am beyond depressed.

I need to die.

Sorry for the long, incoherent post.

 

[colorlesshue]

vengeful, i want to fucking tear him apart.

 

[Aim]

I feel extreme sadness and grief. And have been feeling like this for the past 2,5 years. And knowing it was all my fault. Thinking your actions and intentions was good. To later understanding it wasn't. So you ended up hurting the ones you loved instead. To much to live with.

 

[Space Outlaw Bunny]

fine?

 

[riamu]

kind of foggy. i feel dissociated, but not in a bad way. like i'm not entirely here

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Now I'm at work. Everybody blames me to the point where I'm shocked and can't focus on anything. I'm freezing now.