Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Meteora]

I feel miserable. Wish I had ended my life earlier. I dont know what I m hoping for, waiting for.

 

[anxious_depressive]

For the last two weeks I just can't get out of bed.
I'm terribly weak.
I'm disgusting.

I think I've found a place where I want to get CTB.
I'm scared, but at the same time I'm relieved.

 

[Zegers]

What's beyond depression? Probably nothingness.

 

[Lullaby]

Stupid ranting about small stuff.

I'm so overwhelmed I can't even break down. I'm just that shot. It's 4am and I cannot sleep because I'm so stressed.

I don't know why it's been so hot here, but my portable ac broke down randomly two weeks ago after 3/4 years. I didn't really have much to get a brand new unit, so I purchased a refurbished one on Amazon.

It got here today and it's literal garbage. Pieces broken, missing, the unit is taped in different spots. The upper drain part broke off completely. The knob for it was already cracked and I couldn't use that. It leaked so much water earlier.

The hose is too small, so I had to order another one and just realized that's not the one I need…so I had to repurchase and now I need to wait an extra day but it seems pointless because this thing is clearly not going to last.

I stupidly threw out the box and even if I got the okay to return it, I literally wouldn't be able to; there's no way I'd be able to get this thing out of the apartment (we have stairs inside our place) and somehow to the post office (I have no car).

I was so excited to have my room be comfortable again, because the heat has definitely made my mood worse. I'm contemplating on just over drafting my bank account to get a brand new one but I'm sure that'd bring a new wave of problems.

Hell, I can't even remember what I was upset about prior to this happening. It's just one thing after another, god. Even the smallest problems like this are driving me insane. I just want a break, ffs.

 

[delora]

There's always so much on my mind at once. And as a result I feel like I'm never really present, just constantly trying to dissociate and shut down the racing thoughts. It doesn't always work. I'm tired.

 

[HollowDrop]

Tired, hungry, depressed. I did not sleep an inch last night and even now dead tired I barely feel like sleeping. It's Thursday but maybe I should go to the bar later at night.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

Overwhelmed, scared, lonely, trapped, ideation gripping at my throat, my mind racing a mile a minute, guilty that if I ctb I know I'll inflict lifelong trauma on my girlfriend and she doesn't deserve that shit but I just don't deserve to be in pain anymore either. Whoever said this was selfish never had to comprehend how much it weighs on a person to live to spare others pain at the expense of your own. I'm aching. I'm tired. I'm suffering. Nothing is getting better truly, it only temporarily goes away for a moment. I'm sobbing beside her silently while she sleeps, while I'm sitting here thinking of ways I could escape, temporarily and otherwise. We are both going through a hard time right now and I know if I went through with it she not only would have to cope with losing me but everything else and... I don't even want to think about how much pain it would cause her. There's no easy solution. And I hate that. I fucking hate feeling trapped all the goddamn time. Between mental disabilities and illnesses, physical disabilities and illnesses, trauma, and everything else I'm just a burden and a waste of space and no amount of love, therapy and meds over the past 10 years can truly shake that out of me. Every option is bad and I hate it. Either I continue to live and I suffer, I pass and she suffers. No one wins. Not in the situation we are in. There's no making out of it alive at this point but yet I'm as good as a walking corpse if I am. Like, dead mentally or dead physically it's all the same really except one I won't have the ability to feel my disabilities and pain gripping at me all the time. She already grieves for her mom on a constant and it's been nearly 10 years. I can't imagine how long she'd mourn over me. And I can't just leave her either due to the disability aspect. I know she'd blame herself when she's the best thing that's ever happened to me and she is my only light in the darkness most days but I can't keep going on like this. And yet I have no other option. I HATE BEING STUCK LIKE THIS.

 

[stuckinfiction]

The mere thought of my so called future makes me dread it. I can't imagine working to my death just to afford to survive.

 

[Meditation guide]

Hating this life.

 

[ewlife]

Hungry but don't have the energy to get out of bed. Fatigued but also wired and wide awake.

 

[hmskms]

like this world wants to punish me. i feel really indignant most of the time. i just want to put them through the same torture they put me through just for them to see how silly their concept of "justice" is.

"how dare you mimic me!? only I get to be real! only MY violence is justified!"

fuck you.

 

[S like Siren]

I feel particularly hurt today due to the total indifference of people who told me that I was important to them. But it's something I'm used to by now, the pain.:(

 

[Zegers]

I wish i could be someone "happy" and have an enriching and stimulating life but it's the opposite, i feel like a walking corpse.

 

[Meteora]

I wish i could be someone "happy" and have an enriching and stimulating life but it's the opposite, i feel like a walking corpse.

I m having the same thoughts, feel like a ghost. We don't have to beat ourselves up by thinking we should better be alive than dead, I guess.

 

[Namensjemand]

dredd, shame, sadness, loneliness, self-disgust

 

[donxtwait]

God isn't real. If he was real, I wouldn't have gone through all the abuse in my household growing up through my adolescence that led me here to be a disabled hikikomori until I die alone. I've been abused and screwed up by people and this world and now I'm stuck in this disabled body. I hate that I just want to escape. I'm so gone that I don't know if what I'm typing right now is real. I feel like one of my suicide attempts worked and I'm actually currently in hell. Because if a God did exist, I'm sure he's laughing in my face and this is hell he would want to be stuck in for eternity. I'm so miserable, please if there's anything out there that can end this help me. I don't know what's real anymore. I don't want to be trapped here for forever and I hope I won't be but I'm so scared and all alone with no one that understands.

 

[Sockeye Salmon]

empty
wish i was dead

 

[NocturnILL]

I feel absolutely wrecked. I'm just tired, exhausted really. I feel depressed, I know I am depressed again. Which is why my insomnia is even worse than normal but what else is new. I am just over it. I am over myself. My gut feels so hollow. Every time I calm down and feel my heart beats, I just want to cry. I swear I can feel my own heart bleeding. My soul is suffering so much right now. I could go on but I shame myself for feeling the way I do. I'm sorry…this will pass

 

[Sockeye Salmon]

i feel horrible
i feel so fucking horrible right now i wish i was dead

 

[Passersby]

Life is so depressing. There's just nothing.

 

[Shiva_Story]

purposlesly lost, selfish and with limited access to life, i've had enough of this non sense & resolved to go

 

[Life_and_Death]

Wishing I could be r*ped, which is actually kind of ironic..

 

[wiinterfrost]

angry. i am really fucking angry.
i resent everything and i want a hug.

 

[tiltherainstops]

Exhausted. Down to the marrow of my bones. I'm so tired of trying. I'm so tired of being told that things will get better when it doesn't.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I'm at work and so tired.
I'm afraid of getting fired.
I'm so incompetent -
My future is non-existent.

 

[S like Siren]

I want go away from life.Everything scares me and I can't stop crying.

 

[onetimereject]

severely conflicted, prepared the materials to ctb but getting cold feet

 

[redacteduser1]

Super physically exhausted, my heart and stomach feel heavy but empty at the same time due to how anxious I feel right now.

 

[CTB Dream]

Not want stay this awfl life

 

[beelzebul]

tired, stressed, riddled with anxiety. i have expectations that need to be fulfilled but i just can't fulfill them. i don't want to fulfill them.