Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Dead Ghost]

 

[ghost44]

Every time something new threatens to begin, I can't help but wonder. Why would it be different this time?

 

[CTB Dream]

Feel awfl this feel body brain wrng txc mttr this awfl me no exst slf no slf

 

[cgrtt.brns]

overstimulated bc my head keeps throbbing on and off and every sound hurts my ears so fucking much. i took four sleep pills so hopefully i wake up in the evening or at least late afternoon.

Spoiler: dumb rant

i just dont want to wake up anymore. rly wishing i had a reliable method on hand rn for reassurance. i could take a bunch of paracetamol, weve got a fuck load of ones with added caffeine bc my mum didnt have her glasses when she bought them, but i dont want to go through the whole violently vomiting thing while spewing bullshit about how i dont want to die bc of survival instinct again. it wont work and itll just make everything worse. but its the only thing i can think to do other than cutting but i cant stand the looks my parents give me or banging my head against the wall but i dont wanna make my dad have to patch up the wall again.

everythings hopeless.

 

[Salvation_]

I'm gonna make a bet with myself. If my apartment unfairly charges me 1.2K, I will attempt CTB at the end of August.

And I can't pursue legal action because I was a fucking idiot. I might as well just go fuck off if that happens. I'm tired tbh

 

[Stargazing:<]

Empty, anxious, disturbed and tired.

 

[NoLongerHuman.]

Lost without purpose, drawn of no life.

 

[CTB Dream]

This all awfl no resn stay feel more dtriort neuro all time sffr

 

[loopdaloop]

Shame and self-loathing. I just saw on the bus people who were from my old school who are actually a lot more well adjusted than I'll ever be and it makes me feel so inadequate and useless.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

Just woke up good morning

 

[Zegers]

Heating the emptiness with alcohol

 

[outatime_85]

No friends, no family, and no one to trust

 

[Lullaby]

The only message in my list



And this is after he and my half sister threw his vacation plans on my last minute, and bullied me into pet sitting for him while he's gone; for entire 8 days.

I didn't go today, because he said I didn't have to. Then calls to yell at me, about how I should've called about not showing up…?

I'm so sick of this. This is what happens when I don't put up boundaries, and when I do, I still get crapped on. I'm always going out of my way for others, and no one does the same for me. I'm spending my birthday alone again next month, because no one wants to do anything with me…but I'm expected be a doormat.

I don't even have the energy to cry, because I'm just exhausted and tired of this nonsense. Every week, there's more I need to fight through. It's not worth it.

 

[sometimes.sometimes]

I feel ashamed. Where I live, it is hard to land a job. I have been looking everywhere. It is all fruitless. I have a couple more options. If those options become nothing, I have been thinking about doing a job that is extremely frowned upon, but the money is so good, I can't turn it down. It is nothing illegal, but I already know it might be hell. I guess you just have to make those sacrifices when it comes to making money sometimes, even if it means my family will view me in horrible ways and if I might be in some dangerous situations. I feel awful...

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

Don't nap don't nap don't nap coffee work please coffee work please don't nap please don't nap why am I tired it's 2 PM

 

[Praestat_Mori]

empty hopeless wishing to ctb

 

[cgrtt.brns]

like a fucking failure and a burden. i tried to do something helpful and made it worse. its like im just always programmed to fuck everything up. i cant do anything right. the one time i try and i immediately ruin everything. i want to destroy something. preferably myself. i wish i could throw myself against a wall over and over and over again until im pulp. i need a cigarette but im out and have no money until sunday. i tried looking for a job all day today and every minute of hopeless searching just made me want to die more. so i tried to do something helpful to make me feel less shitty but i just made everything worse. what even is the fucking point of all this.

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly not know do wat all trap no mthod no any

 

[istheretrulyalife?]

I just want to sleep and watch a good TV show that I will never get bored of all day. But i got a job, studying, and so many other things the only time to myself is at night.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

SHUT UT CAP LEAVE ME ALONE FUCK LIFE

 

[alonely]

i just want the pain to stop

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Today we have a sunny day in this rainy season.
But I'm scared and depressed without rhyme or reason.

 

[CTB Dream]

Depress
This rly aefl see all die end

 

[Andro_USYD]

Dear all,

As a newcomer to this community, I wanted to share how I've been feeling lately. To be honest, it's been quite a mixed bag. The antidepressant I have been taking has left me in a peculiar state where I no longer experience the range of emotions that I used to. It's as if everything has been reduced to a perpetual state of indifference—I don't feel sadness, nor do I feel happiness. At best, everything seems to elicit a "meh" from me.

While the purpose of the medication is to alleviate the symptoms of depression, I've unfortunately been experiencing some unintended consequences. It seems that some of my other emotions have also been muted or altogether absent. Loneliness, for instance, has become a foreign concept, as is, anger, sadness, happiness, any sexuality, any- and everything leaving behind a hollow void w overwhelming sense of boredom.

I have already attempted to stop taking antidepressants, but doing so resulted in severe depression that made it not worthwhile to return to my normal state. Additionally, I switched from SSRIs to SNRIs during a rehabilitation program, but it did not bring about any noticeable change.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

I just learned that my meds won't work. I'm going to have to fake it and get a job somehow through this rot. Or I get evicted in 70 days.

I'm lost.

 

[bijou]

drunk as usual

 

[outatime_85]

Knowing I do not have the tools to function properly in society is truly frightening, as is realizing that one needs support at some point in life because one cannot succeed alone and without a support structure.

Given that I have no family to ask for help and no support structure, that leaves me with only one option.

The sad part is that those who do not succeed on their own without help are viewed as lesser or worse when in reality there has to be somebody there who really cares about you, somebody to support, encourage, guide, and, in some cases, hold your damn hand.

Because, regardless of all the bravado that is spewed about doing for yourself, pulling your straps up, etc., very few can do it alone, and anyone who says they have is either lying or a unicorn.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

I just want to wake up without and pain or fog. No more suffering. I want to stay awake and be productive. I want to live. My brain is holding me back. I'm so tired of myself.

How tf do you want me to work if I can't even get up in the morning to eat breakfast? I've tried to work while depressed. It was a shitshow. I don't want to go through that again

Why is it so hard to be even close to a semblance of normal?

 

[Navi]

Bored. There's nothing to do. No one to talk to. Nothing to really think about. I'm trying to separate from my "friends" more. Day by day I've realized that they are pretty shallow people, so I'm sure they won't care that I've stopped talking to them. I'm not sad about it though. It's just something I have to do to keep myself from getting hurt. Realizing how shallow they are made me practically not care about them too much anymore.

 

[loyalskateboard]

Pissed off, exhausted, isolated, powerless