• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
844
annoyed, tired, frustrated, i just dont want to be alive anymore. im trying to get my life on track but i just cant. nothing is working. i cant tell if im just not trying hard enough or if i genuinely am just a lost cause. i feel like a lost cause because im just so tired of trying, even if im not trying hard enough, im doing as best as i can, but its not enough. i want it to end so much. but im ashamed and guilty and scared of being seen as a waste of potential. i dont know what to do. im just so tired.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, Dead Meat and 3 others
Zegers

Zegers

Enlightened
Dec 15, 2021
1,758
Lost in darkness
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, Dead Meat and 2 others
Lilythefenfen

Lilythefenfen

Exhausted of trying
May 8, 2023
83
I feel anguished, I feel like I'm running out of time and it both excites me but devastates me. I feel like I wasn't good enough and I feel an extreme guilt and shame running throughout my entire body. I feel sad seeing so many people CTB, but at the same time happy knowing they found peace.

I feel impatient, I want to end it all now. I'm exhausted.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, Dead Meat and 3 others
charlotte_

charlotte_

Arcanist
Mar 12, 2023
435
My exam is coming soon. I thought I've done enough, but turns out it's nothing. There is just so much to deal with. Stress and anxiety fills me, but even so I still don't have a motivation to study.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, Dead Meat and 1 other person
CTB Dream

CTB Dream

Injury damage disabl hard talk no argu make fun et
Sep 17, 2022
2,795
Feel v bad v sad no able buy game
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, Dead Meat and 2 others
Alcoholic Teletubby

Alcoholic Teletubby

Rip in piss
Jan 10, 2022
451
Suicide Rave
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 2 others
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
10,530
Tired... Don't want to go to bed yet. Depression. Lonely. Unlovable.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 2 others
DeadPool360

DeadPool360

My everyday is nothing but a video on repeat
May 4, 2023
37
Bored
have nothing to do
cant sleep
have an exam in 4 hours that will last for couple of hours
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 2 others
unnormal9

unnormal9

SOLDIER T.
Apr 12, 2023
1,134
Anger, rage, slaughter, wanton, death
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 2 others
call me ary

call me ary

Ary
Mar 11, 2023
2
I am tired. I want a hug
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, Alcoholic Teletubby and 4 others
unnormal9

unnormal9

SOLDIER T.
Apr 12, 2023
1,134
My anger has settled, self-harmed a bunch to calm it. I still feel hot, but mostly because I'm still in my highs.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, Alcoholic Teletubby and 3 others
S

ShadowsFall

Lost and forgotten
Jul 15, 2021
175
Have to be out of this place by Monday. Not looking forward to the period of uncertainty until I find another place. Unfortunately with a potential eviction on my reports topped with poor credit, it is only going to make it more difficult. The past few days have been difficult since I got the notice to vacate. Headaches, sleeplessness, stress eating, impulsive decision making and iratability. I regret moving into this place.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, Alcoholic Teletubby and 3 others
charlotte_

charlotte_

Arcanist
Mar 12, 2023
435
Once again, I spent a whole day mindlessly scrolling social medias, doing absolutely nothing for my life. I hate that some stupid parts of me still hope for something in this world, despite all it does is continuing doing useless shit all day. I want to just stop all this, but I just never learn. Fuck this shitty brain man
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, Alcoholic Teletubby and 3 others
cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
844
whats the point in continuing when tomorrow and all foreseeable tomorrows will just be the same if not worse. my mind is sinking back into old habits. i want it to happen, but i know it'll just perpetuate this suffering even further. why am i alive just to relive the same day over and over, the same disappointment, rejection, fear, scrutiny. i cant escape it. im not capable. i miss the comfort of my old habits. but i am disgusted at the thought of them returning just to add more time before my seemingly unreachable end. why is my brain clinging on to anything it can fucking think of. if this is si then my biology has failed, i wish my body could see that death is better than its current reality. why must i be sentient but stuck in a body that refuses to see reason. am i even sentient? what the fuck am i saying? im so confused. why is my body so fucking itchy all the time. im trying to re read what i wrote but none of it makes sense. i need a cigarette.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, leaf23 and 2 others
Lilythefenfen

Lilythefenfen

Exhausted of trying
May 8, 2023
83
I'm tired of people telling me things are ok. I want to sleep. I don't care if there's nothing on the other side, that nothingness would just be a blessing. I hurt for my girlfriends who are already mourning me. They say it's so draining on them, they say I'm hurting them when I get into these deep depressive episodes. They ignore the fact of what happened to me as if anything about that would ever make me feel ok.

I just want to feel ok. I feel that CTB is my only option and I want to feel the sweet sweet embrace of death as not my enemy, but as my friend.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, leaf23 and 2 others
CTB Dream

CTB Dream

Injury damage disabl hard talk no argu make fun et
Sep 17, 2022
2,795
rly tired this awfl life loop need enrg money etc all loop v awful
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, charlotte_ and 2 others
unnormal9

unnormal9

SOLDIER T.
Apr 12, 2023
1,134
Hurt
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 2 others
S

sheleftme1

Member
Apr 29, 2023
77
I miss her and life without her is meaningless. I wish I didn't have to think about death but I'd just rather die at this point than to be tortured with my thoughts. I fear so much the torture that may come after death
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 3 others
sannoji

sannoji

dreaming of flying
May 4, 2023
69
tired. kind of out of it. nothing feels fully real at the moment
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 3 others
S

SimpleWan

New Member
Apr 23, 2023
1
Guilty but still procrastinating. Pastselve work hard unlike current me who just keep reading novels or games. Reluctant to dwell in this thought as it would just make me feel more guilty. Now I am anxious about why the hail I am on online writing about my problems instead of solving it. Writing that now make me feel selfish as i am just self pitying instead of solving it. Writing that last sentence make me feel more selfish for same reason. But I am sure I will still procrastinate and won't solve any of my problem. I am just most of time hoping my future selve would solve all my current problems.... yup I am lazy and selfish
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 2 others
Housefly

Housefly

Member
May 7, 2023
78
I don't know what I'm doing every decision I make is the wrong one and when I ask for guidance it also doesn't work out. The problem is me. I'm never going to get it, I want built for this.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 2 others
S

Slipkorn

Member
May 10, 2023
49
Where the fuck is the off switch?
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Shivali, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 2 others
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
10,530
So depressed. Getting ready to go to bed. Can't even think of anything to post in the music threads. I hope I don't don't wake up. I'm sure I won't be that lucky.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Anonymus, CTB Dream, Lostandlooking and 2 others
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
10,530
Woke up a few hours ago can't fall asleep. I'm gonna try again shortly. This sux!!! :angry::hmph::aw:
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Anonymus, CTB Dream, charlotte_ and 1 other person
sannoji

sannoji

dreaming of flying
May 4, 2023
69
exhausted again but can't sleep. my body just hurts
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: hdiriq, Anonymus and CTB Dream
charlotte_

charlotte_

Arcanist
Mar 12, 2023
435
Really don't get why I won't just die atp. The pain is never gonna stop
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Anonymus, CTB Dream, Salvation_ and 2 others
CTB Dream

CTB Dream

Injury damage disabl hard talk no argu make fun et
Sep 17, 2022
2,795
Rly sad want play Zelda
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: LoiteringClouds, Zegers, Anonymus and 4 others
howl pendragon

howl pendragon

What matters is you, and not the state of you.
May 1, 2023
63
Loneliness. Because I'm far from the only person that really matters. Because I will never be able to be with that person, since they are not in this world.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: LoiteringClouds, charlotte_, Anonymus and 3 others
Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
682
I just can't win.

I'm living at home with my mom and it's like walking through a minefield because she's verbally/physically abusive and paranoid.

I've been on a list for housing for the last couple of years and I only move a few spots every 6 months. Last week, I found the email of the head coordinator and wrote her a long message explaining my everything.

She replied back to ask more about my housing situation. I was pretty hopeful that would lead somewhere, but she responded this morning that she can't prioritize me based off of that…

My therapist just left, I keep getting rejected for jobs; I'm just so tired of fighting and getting nowhere. I turn 30 next year and nothing in my life has changed.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: LoiteringClouds, outatime_85, charlotte_ and 5 others
Salvation_

Salvation_

"Please, finish my story."
Nov 25, 2020
235
Honestly don't even know why I'm still alive lol.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: LoiteringClouds, Anonymus, CTB Dream and 1 other person

Similar threads

R
Replies
2
Views
144
Recovery
Sabrinaxox
Sabrinaxox
bl33ding_heart
Replies
2
Views
208
Suicide Discussion
777cave
7
ASilentHope
Replies
3
Views
254
Suicide Discussion
ASilentHope
ASilentHope
L
Replies
3
Views
199
Suicide Discussion
adoptedpain
adoptedpain
S
Replies
2
Views
180
Suicide Discussion
wham311
W