Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Scribble Fan]

Feeling hopeless. What's the point of life if everything you want is out of your reach?

 

[motyxia]

I feel good. My face and fingers still feel numb from the cold night, but I kind of like it.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I feel abandoned, I think I might breakdown soon.

 

[irememberinnocence]

I want to CTB right now and have everything I need to do it but... I'm not home alone. God dammit! And by tomorrow survival instinct might be back.

 

[sick.faery]

feeling hungover, kinda depressed, a bit emotionally unstable & a bit disso

 

[TheHatedOne]

I'm basically on autopilot mode, I don't even feel like myself anymore. I'm just a machine. Fuck.

 

[Beeper]

Maybe I can turn my life around.
Maybe I can recover from depression.
Maybe I can help other people in some way.

 

[chicken-nugget]

I've been crazy manic for the last idk how many days now. Barely eating, barely sleeping, can't focus on anything. I'm crashing so hard now. I hope I sleep forever and don't wake up..

 

[OrcWitch]

I feel angry, irritated and upset with someone and I don't know to what extent I have the right to be. I feel strong emotion and then self doubt about whether my emotion is inappropriate. They are in conflict with each other. I told my therapist about her and she told me to worry about myself first and foremost, that I've done everything up to this point to help this friend, and that it's her responsibility to fix her own horrible life.

She is in an abusive situation and it is slowly getting worse. Whenever I try to reason with her that this man she is venting about seems abusive, she defends it and downplays it. I understand that pattern because I was in an abusive relationship. I don't know what to do, I empathized with her up until a point but I am just emotionally burnt hearing how he is hurting her or the 50th time. What do you want me to do? Drive to your house and rescue you from him? I've tried to get you help over and over and you dismiss all of it. And I understand that pattern because I was the same. I eventually rescued myself and got away. I wish she would do the same.

She made me upset partially because she forgot my birthday. Also, she knows I have PTSD and what I've lived through. That makes it harder to just have domestic violence stories dumped on me out of the blue. But I want to be a caring and helpful person. So on my birthday she dumps her domestic violence story on me that he exploded and threatened to beat her up and she is hiding in her room. And I get triggered and feel the life drain out of me, I feel on edge and hollow and my appetite disappears when I'm minutes away from cooking mexican dinner night, which I had been looking forward to all week. I'm sitting there all triggered on my birthday trying to coach you through this situation I've been trying to tell you to leave for months now. Honestly I want to be a good friend but I was trying to make the most out of a shitty reminder I'm getting older, and I'm now going to my little tool handbook and doing breathing exercises and 5 senses exercises to calm down when I just wanted to have a nice day.

I tell you that you're a human being worthy of respect and that he is incapable of that. What do you want me to do? You aren't going to call the cops, you aren't going to leave, you're going to say you hate yourself and stay and get treated like dirt. And I understand that pattern because I lived the same way. I can't rescue you, I can only suggest to you over and over again that he is abusive and that you deserve better. But even when he threatens you with violence over some childish thing, you defend him from that. I don't know what to do. I wish you would stop telling me about it. It seems really shitty to stay with an abuser and to vent about all his behaviors to a survivor of domestic violence. Why me of all people? Because I relate or because I am willing to listen over and over? I was always willing to listen to other survivors but not to someone currently living in it who just stays and absorbs it. How am I emotionally equipped to handle this?

Honestly, I empathize with what she is going through. But I wish she would just stop talking to me, I am tired of this. I will listen to my therapist and just be selfish. She said that you are an emotional drain on me. I want to lookout for numero uno and stop trying to help every time he has an outburst. The main thing we are supposed to learn as victims is to stop being helpless and learn how to have a spine. I can't do that for her. I am so tired of this. I am not a savior angel, I'm a human and I cannot do this an infinite number of times. I'm past my limit.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I feel rather numb today, mixed in with a deep sadness and a vague apathy. Am I really going to try and dig myself out of this hole that people have created for me? Part of me wants to escape and see what's on the outside, another part of me can't be bothered and would rather wither away and die than spend any more time in this world.

Hope... such a useless emotion. It's never got me anywhere and yet I always find myself holding on to it. For what reason? I don't know...

 

[TheHatedOne]

I'm drunk but im also bery lethargic which i dislike, today I tried a new vodka and while it has a genuine taste it made me lethargic which i fiucking idslike, i honestly want to feel like the second time when i drank vodka: i felt like i could fly and i was talking non stop, not even a second with shutting up. Back then after a while I felt so nauseous i went to bed and I fell asleep in a dead position. I'll never forget that time.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Discarded.
verb
past tense: discarded; past participle: discarded
/dɪˈskɑːd/

1. get rid of (someone or something) as no longer useful or desirable

 

[TheHatedOne]

I feel abandoned, I think I might breakdown soon.

why the yay reaction smh

 

[TriggerHappy]

why the yay reaction smh

Aargh, apologies... my fingers ain't working today :: I know exactly how u feel, sliding down the side of the fucking abyss into darkness myself...
- know the feeling?

 

[Enigmatic Sailor]

I feel good. I feel great. I feel wonderful.

 

[deflationary]

I'm incredibly bored. Living is an act of bad faith and self-deception.

 

[Gray Wounds]

Tired. So tired. Mad. Angry. Hatred dwelling in me, willing me to explode. Sad. Lonely. Empty. Void. Fuck this life. I hate myself.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

I'm honestly not sure today. I feel a little bit of the mellowness I had from yesterday, but the thoughts are creeping back in and bringing me down again. Paradoxically, I cannot wait to ctb, hell, want to do it right this minute, but simultaneously, I want to stay and continue on....sigh...I just need an exit from my head. Doesn't matter in which way, death or a miracle, I just need to escape this hell I am in!

 

[TriggerHappy]

 

[TheHatedOne]

fuck chores endless chores fuck, i have dizziness from hangover and instead of sleeping away to get rid of it i have to do chores. this dizziness is awful, i feel like bashing my head on the wall. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

 

[Scribble Fan]

Pain. I feel sick with pain. I can't breathe and listening to music isn't helping. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in a limbo between wanting to recover and wanting to die and I'm stuck here. Nothing helps. I need help.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Emptiness... Nothing feels good, I'm not interested to do anything, I don't care about anyone or anything. I just hope I can move somewhere else and disappear. Too many nightmares lately. I have someone who is stalking me still and unfortunately I see nightmares about that too. I don't know how to escape from this situation :(

 

[Circles]

The grief I feel for a lot of members I've got to know on here is hitting me hard for some reason right now. This is why I hate being here sometimes as it reminds me that I've been prolonging my death all this time as I've watched everyone I care die or go away. It's just this place feels so haunted and it haunts me back in a way. There were 2 people I talked to before they killed themselves and I cannot confirm for sure if I was the last person they talked to but that alone makes me feel some dreadful disturbing mix emotions.
So much I want to say but my goddamn eye problems won't allow me fuck.

 

[stellabelle]

a mix between tears, remorse, anger, frustration, reattempting, and "letting go"; dreams out the window, ignorance, stalkers, frustration, hopelessness. a strong desire to escape this cruel body, a secret about being abused for so long, wanting to end this cruel existence, dreams gone, life not worth living. an overdose, a silent death. a way i didn't have support, nobody listened, nobody cared, and it's too late for me now.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I feel awful cause I always fall in love with the wrong kind of people. Either I am dumb, either cursed or both. It fuckign breaks me.

 

[BrokenHopes]

I've never felt this horrible. Im scared. I can't think straight.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Just got hurt again. It's fine, I'm used to it.

 

[odradek]

I'm feeling so utterly out of place. I've lost my way to such a degree I don't even know where I am or what I'm doing anymore. It's all a grand play to me now, just theater.

Maybe I'm being a tad overdramatic. I am lost but not destitute. However, there is a part of me that longs for destitution. Like it could somehow grant me the desperation required to finally die by my own hand.

Alas I am just trapped, longing for an escape from this world. It's desperate but rational. My whole existence is a paradox. The dissonance between wanting end it yet being unable to gather what's necessary to follow through. I have no mouth. And I must scream.

 

[Scribble Fan]

Damaged, I feel extremely damaged to the point of being nearly completely broken. I can still enjoy some things like playing my synthesizer, listening to music and reading Sarah's Scribbles but... aside from that I'm done for. Fuck. What I wouldn't give to heal. Then again. what's the point in healing? It's not like there's anything left for me in life.

Wow I feel abandoned. Abandoned by the world, abandoned by my family and friends, abandoned by all the deities I've ever prayed to. Reality is cruel.

 

[fox_wannabe]

happy hopeless and fucking want to die but can't but i need to and family is also in the equation but idgaf anymore I am doing thjis for god knows how long time and I just want to call it quits because I know I won't get anything good from my life and I am probably under influence