Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[TheHatedOne]

I slept like a normal person for the first time in months. I fell asleep around midnight I think. But now I woke up and feel so sad. Doesn't help that I'm sober and I feel everything. It's all gone to shit.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

"no, you are not telling too much about your life for me, but sometimes I wonder why you do that?"... Well, because I thought you were my friend and we used to talk about things like that... Hahaha and I was so wrong about that. I'm stupid. I tell things for people who don't want to know... It hurts. Still I didn't say anything to him about that, I just said that I'm little different and I always talk too much. Bye bye. It's time to move on. You did it already, now I'm finally doing same thing. Finally I get it. God I hate myself :(

 

[Nat.alias]

From the outside, I mostly show what I should be feeling and behaving. I just do what others expect of me. But underneath I feel nothing, just a huge sense of emptiness, loneliness, No feeling, no nothing, just going through life numb.

Sometimes I think and want to ask for help, but i only get judged and cause even more problems and distance with those you I care more.
I just feel like a burden for everyone around me.
And a deep loneliness, that I'll forever be feeling like this.

 

[Beeper]

Unsettled and discontent, with a splash of hope.

I go back and forth with trying to rebuild my life and CTB.

I know that I have value that I can bring to the world, yet I feel so beat down by everything that has occurred in my life.

Parts of me want to give up, but there is a sliver of hope that emerges on occasion.

 

[TheHatedOne]

i feel like crying for many reasons.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I feel very anxious, very lonely, very hopeless, out of life, I'm very fucked up and listening to For Those Who Died Alone by Pentagram/Mezarkabul and I feel like crying even with no more tears left, I have class in 4 hours but can't bring myself to sleep. I don't want life anymore. I'm sorry for doing spam in this thread guys but I really feel like I can express myself here which is why I do this often.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Empty... I'm not sad anymore. I realized that everything is better now. If someone don't want to be my friend, it's not my fault. I don't need people like that in my life. Maybe they someday miss me, but probably not going to happen... I just hope I can soon have my last things and I can end this all. I want to be free.

 

[TheHatedOne]

dsajkfesjkfhjskhdfjkasehajkdhsajkdhasjkda ( and no these aren't random letters on keyboard it's legit how I feel )

 

[demuic]

Nothing but pain. Disrespected. Ignored. Forgotten.

 

[HiImPaul]

Stomach hurts. And I really hate nausea ugh

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Honestly? Not sure tonight. Something like a limbo soup.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

My brain has been fixated on suicide and shit, and I tried to distract myself earlier but now it just seems pointless. I know the level of despair, the things my brain are saying, are just the depression. But at the same time, it's all true and I feel like I deserve this pain.

This is honestly just another day, though. Dunno what my problem is

 

[Scribble Fan]

I just feel so angry and empty inside. I'm trying to improve my life but it's so hard attempting to dig myself out of this pit when it's all I've ever known.

 

[Beeper]

I don't like the way this medication (Olanzapine / Zyprexa) makes me feel.

Not sure why some doctors tend to overmedicate their patients.

A therapeutic dosage should be the level for which symptoms are alleviated.

 

[stygal]

Gonna get high rn & listen to music.

It's the small things...

Peace

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Gonna get high rn & listen to music.

It's the small things...

Peace

Exactly what I am heading home to do right now!

 

[TheHatedOne]

my heart breaks but idk why

 

[darkwater]

I like to be awake at night not thinking about the noise of the day, a little classical music in the background, the white wine makes me forget. I wish it was always night then I would not be here.

 

[Starryeyes]

Guilty.

 

[Scribble Fan]

Sometimes I just can't find a reason to go on. Life is so meaningless. I have my distractions but... they're nearly impossible to do when depressed.

I wish I had meaning in life or the guts to end it all. Unfortunately I have neither.

 

[odradek]

How do you rebuild a facade that is convincing enough to mask the never-ending death wish? How to you maintain this facade and continue day after day? More importantly, where to you gather the strength from to fulfil the wish? All I have is questions without answers. I guess I will have to carry on stumbling, haphazardly constructing this facade until I'm able to find the proper willpower to end it. I am absurd...

 

[TheHatedOne]

Day 2 or 3 of sajhajasdhajdhjasdhajdhajwehajkdash. I'm stroke out of love.

 

[forgotten15]

I feel despair and fear. I have nothing to live for but still haven't managed to ctb.

I am so useless and coward that even though I am on the forum for some time now I still haven't managed to find a reliable source to buy SN and also don't know yet if I can buy the other stuff I need for ctbing with sn.
I have been suicidal since forever but yet I am still alive because I have no power to overcome my SI and I also fear death even though this is what i want.

I had such a hard day at work and my superior treats me bad and creates problems for me and I have absolutely no one to turn to and no one to comfort me because I have zero friends and my parents don't know what comforting a child means.
I am sick and tired of being here and having to get up each day and face reality. I hate my job and being so depressed and carrying my past trauma with me day by day makes it more and more difficult to get out of the house and go to work. I have no option because I can't quit, if I do that i will end up homeless and I am too coward to ctb.
For me the only way I can escape my reality until I ctb is retairing in a convent. I wish i could get a few things and just go to a covent far away from my city. I just can't go on in this society anymore.I feel like I am suffocating around people.
I am sorry for the long post but I am unwell and don't have anyone to tell this.

 

[TheHatedOne]

i want to harm myself in the greatest way possible.

 

[Silenos]

I feel MOISTEN...

 

[littlelungs]

Fuck, I worked my ass off on my notes earlier. I feel so fucking awful but I also feel relieved that, with everything I do, I'm getting closer and closer to finally being done with my preparations... that the pain of working on my stuff is "at least" going to end with eternal peace and hopefully help give some closure to the few people who will need it.

Earlier I was working on the part where I describe how my future would realistically look if I were to keep this shit up, and man... I don't have a chance in hell. I never did.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Always expect the worst.

 

[Manaaja]

Only people who have completed a (free) "How to be a good parent" university course with good grades should be allowed to be parents. We can't allow just anybody to have children. Everyone will say "Not everybody should work at nurseries!" yet allow all kinds of pedophiles, narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths to have children. If you wouldn't allow the person keys to your house, you shouldn't trust them with children either. It's completely illogical how people fear strangers and don't trust them but at the same time want the same strangers to have kids.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

There has been an empty feeling all day. I noticed I missed ... Him. I've been surprised that I haven't reacted more than this ... I've just been really bored and irritated. I haven't written a long message to him opening up my thoughts because why would I bother? I can't even open my thoughts and feelings to myself. I don't even want to admit them to myself. If I find anything positive about this, I haven't really thought about ctb at all right now. I'm too empty. I hate having feelings what I don't want.

 

[TheHatedOne]

ngl, I'm kinda lonely now and I can't get numb at all. also i feel just anxiety and fear for what's to come.