Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm scared that if I stay alive I will eventually have to take care of my mother since she's very likely going to develop Alzheimer's or dementia. Her memory has already been going as of late and she's only 58 years old. I don't even know what I would do if I was forced to be responsible both for her and for my autistic sister. Where could I even leave my mom at? Theoretically she could retire in Taiwan but then who'd be able to be handle her there? Granted this is probably something I wouldn't have to worry about for at least 10 or so years but it's still scary to think about.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

Problems piling up one after the other, things just keep getting worse for me. I can't wait for all of this to be over. I don't want to feel anything anymore.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

He hasn't responded to me in days. At first, I thought that he had grown tired of me but it's just now hitting me that the last this had happened he was in the hospital. Now I'm worried that he might be in the hospital again. I'm also stressed out because I'm going to be failing my next two exams.

Isn't life just wonderful?/s

 

[samdocheon]

I think about what people think about my ctb.
If I leave a note, it will not have impact bc they think already i'm "sick" and that's all.
I should don't care, right , but idk. I wish my death will be very painful for family who hurts me but be clear that will not happens , they just don't Care.

I think I'm just curious about how they will justify that...

 

[Gangrel]

Annoyed with life.

 

[mikuhappy]

anxious, i hate my work

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Contemplating about writing again on SaSu after a couple of years of hiatus while actually writing it.
I don't know what to do with myself. I've made a new series of bad decisions and now am into the clutches of my immense anxiety again. I can't hold on, but I still go on. So afraid of pain. Want to LIVE in spite of all. What a dumbass.
Can someone order a hit on me please?

 

[PinballWizard39]

What am I feeling today? Pretty shitty. The crisis teams are ignoring so many people and even discharging them because they are too complex or not easily treated.
My best friend tried to CTB today and it was me that had to initiate ambulances and the such. The thing that really pisses me off is that she told the crisis team how she was feeling and told them she had plans and such. I'm sat here wondering if she'll be ok when I go and visit tomorrow.

 

[stayedtoolong]

Boring and bored at the moment.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I want to curl up in a ball and die. Anxiety is through the roof. Extremely sad. Cold and it's summer.
I want to sleep. I already slept in today.
Life is unnecessary.

 

[fleetingnight]

Pain. So much physical pain. I want to sleep it off, but I slept all day already, and I have a lot to do.
I've been ruminating on that fear of looking repulsive when I die ever since I first posted about it. I don't really know what I'm gonna do about that, but I can't stop thinking about it.

 

[lemonbunny]

intensely lonely and rejected. it doesn't matter what i do, i will never be one of them

 

[PinballWizard39]

I saved my friends life yesterday after she tried to kill herself. I went to see her today and all I could hear was her wailing about how she just wanted to die and how she should have tried harder. I feel for her. I didn't/don't know what to say. I feel the same way about me, I wish I could die, yet I had to find some way of comforting her despite feeling like a hippocrite.
I called my MH team this afternoon, someone should have called me in the week to check on me, but nothing, so I figured I'd call. I wish I hadn't. He told me all I needed to do was to keep distracted, take my PRN (diazepam) and just be grateful he even called me back in the first place.
Thinking about CTB is higher than ever. I have all the stuff to do the SN protocol and a bit part of me wants to do it tonight, just get it done with. The other part of me just want's to dose myself up on diazepam and zopiclone and knock myself out- I am half way there. I have an aromatherapy massage booked for tomorrow to help destress me but I just feel like I should cancel because I just don't deserve good things.

I saved my friends life yesterday after she tried to kill herself. I went to see her today and all I could hear was her wailing about how she just wanted to die and how she should have tried harder. I feel for her. I didn't/don't know what to say. I feel the same way about me, I wish I could die, yet I had to find some way of comforting her despite feeling like a hippocrite.
I called my MH team this afternoon, someone should have called me in the week to check on me, but nothing, so I figured I'd call. I wish I hadn't. He told me all I needed to do was to keep distracted, take my PRN (diazepam) and just be grateful he even called me back in the first place.
Thinking about CTB is higher than ever. I have all the stuff to do the SN protocol and a bit part of me wants to do it tonight, just get it done with. The other part of me just want's to dose myself up on diazepam and zopiclone and knock myself out- I am half way there. I have an aromatherapy massage booked for tomorrow to help destress me but I just feel like I should cancel because I just don't deserve good things.

Plus I got the all clear from the burns unit. Now I'm just really self conscious again as the scar is unmissable and I have to pretend it doesn't bother me until it actually doesn't. It does look kind of like a birthmark so I might tell that to people who don't know me. My sister decided to name it Kneil because it's all around my knee area - it's how my family deals with it lol

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Anxiety, please take me fast forward into the future, I need to know if I am wasting my time and if I'll succeed in anything... PLEASE, I feel every second of my life on my skin crawling...

 

[rozeske]

Been thinking how funny it is that my screams were muffled never to be heard but my silence apparently is deafening.

 

[LostInTheWoods]

If you're frightened of dying and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. but If you've made your peace, then you'll see the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth.

 

[nattanatta]

I know I still have some life inside of me. There's still some will to keep on living. At the same time, it feels like my life has been falling apart for the past three months, and everything's just getting worse and worse. I've tried and tried, yet nothing gets better. I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed by this.

 

[fleetingnight]

This is me wanting to find a way to survive and wanting to die:

(I guess I could've explained this with words, but this is more accurate)
I'm basically planning for the event of my life and my death, just in case. Unsurprisingly, that's ineffective and exhausting. But I can't get myself to stop/pick one

 

[mikuhappy]

I'm lonely and sad, I don't have anyone in my life no friends

 

[CTB Dream]

Wthr rly incrs hot rly awfl

 

[Leiden]

More suffering that I can handle. Out of my mind with fear and panic so bad because of it all. Terrorized, tormented to the point of insanity.

 

[amnesia999]

It's a startled sensation
LIKE I'M UNDER SEDATION ---

 

[nattanatta]

Keep thinking how I'd like to order my SN already, but it makes me nervous since 1) it won't be a very straight-forward process and 2) a tiny part of me still wants to have hope for a better future. But I'm constantly crying, can't consentrate on almost anything, and this endless despair never leaves my body and mind. Why am I still here? What the hell is the point?

 

[watchdog]

i miss my boyfriend very much and I wish i could talk things out with him

 

[PinballWizard39]

You know when one relatively simple thing get's blown out of all proportion and you just lose it? I ordered all my repeat prescriptions last week, including my diazepam and I went to pick it up today. I used the last of the diazepam last noght and woke up feeling pretty awful this morning. I figured it was going to be a diazepam kind of day to get me through it. BUT the surgery hadn't re-ordered it and I was bullshitted all day on and off as to whether it would be done or not done and I just lost my shit. I cut my wrist but then the mental health team called while I called and Idk.. it just felt likejust fucking kill me now, I can't do it. I finally got it done about tea time, but still, I just want to be unconscious and dead.
I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow but I can see that being a shit show as it is. I really don't want to be breathing or conscious right night

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I wish everyone a peaceful exit from this shithole planet and it's shittier people.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So tired.... Just want to sleep and not wake up.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

In five days I turn 30.5 years old. Great knowing I've wasted half a year not even committing to suicide plans. Instead I've just been waffling about over a woman who doesn't even like me and yet I'm too stupid and evil to just get over her. My anxious ass won't even move on until the girl of my dreams breaks into my house and proposes on the spot but that's impossible. No such person exists. I should just die already but I won't because I'm so incompetent and lazy.

 

[Callie Arcale]

Contemplating about writing again on SaSu after a couple of years of hiatus while actually writing it.
I don't know what to do with myself. I've made a new series of bad decisions and now am into the clutches of my immense anxiety again. I can't hold on, but I still go on. So afraid of pain. Want to LIVE in spite of all. What a dumbass.
Can someone order a hit on me please?

Sorry, no one can order a hit on you.
But someone did order a big hug.

PS: It was me, I ordered it

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm in a good mood right now since I finished my last exam yesterday and my bf has gone back to messaging me again. Turns out he was in the hospital. He says he is fine so I'm going to just take his word for it.