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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
Hello,

Thanks to the kind and helpful users of this forum I have received the source for SN from IC. I am based in the UK. For scientific purposes I will be tracking my progress getting it in this thread.

I will place my order today*

Once the order is in place I will update you in this thread on anything that happens between that moment and when I have SN on hand.

My reasons to go are as follows in short (but feel free to ask for details):
Discovering that I have undiagnosed ADHD/anxiety/depression, it has caused so much damage to me just trying to do normal life goals. For so long I was outright abusive to myself trying to do what my peers were doing, when in reality I simply needed medical help. Still not treated but getting worse due to stress. I was directly affected by Ukraine war and had to get my parents to safety, and the economic crisis in the UK is threatening to separate me from my partner. My mental health negatively affected my career and because of added financial burden I am now leaving the job in an area I always wanted to work in for another higher paying but much less secure and much more demanding one. The problem? It was an impulse decision, no way in fuck I'll be able to do it nor do I want it. Like, why the fuck did I do that? Also I pretty much lost contact with most of my friends by now because I keep acting impulsive, restless, doing things for reasons I don't understand and being highly averse to any social interaction. I only have energy left to behave and act presentable and "normal" to my beloved partner and parents. I'll let them down soon it seems, but I want to show them myself at my best until then. In addition to that my Russian heritage keeps causing problems, for example security clearances are tricky, I can't go do defence industry jobs where most of the openings for my area of expertise are because of dual citizenship (I can't even easily get rid of it now because I need to turn up to the Russian consulate but it feels dangerous and also fuck that place) and in addition to that I have a physical disability I didn't need to have because doctors in Russia when I was a kid didn't fully know how to deal with a desease I had so now I can't drive etc. I barely got my parents out but they still aren't fully safe. Seriously fuck everything Russia has done and doing.

I am open to pro choice and pro life comments as long as they are rational and not "life is the greatest gift" etc. etc.

Finally, I am not comfortable sharing the SN source myself but please feel free to ask in this thread so that other users can assist.

Thank you, and stay tuned!

*(I have a very severe, and still untreated ADHD because NHS is slow as fk so following up on tasks in timely manner is becoming harder and harder but I'll try)
 
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lebrodude

Arcanist
Jul 18, 2022
440
Good idea for us UK folks.
Following with interest.
 
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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
First of all so far I have failed so far and need advice. I can't get passed the payment screen trying to buy both 1 and 3 packet options. Once I approve the payment in paypal, which seems like a legit paypal, I get returned to the payment screen. I tried several times, no money got taken out of my account but wasn't able to order or pay directly by card. Immediately upon my first purchase I have received a call from a number in Grimsby, upon answering there was no response and they hung up. Upon calling that number it turned out to be a company called SecureWorks. They said the call was not connected to my purchase in any way. I guess it was a coincidence? Lol could be a recruiter as I was searching for a new job recently (I work in security industry) idk. In that case what a timing! :pfff:

The site has the following disclaimer and yopu need to provide your ID to complete the order. Naturally the account needs to have your real name in it as well. A bit scary, some chance of identity theft.

Screenshot 2023 03 24 114835

I tried to order 3 packets just in case and because if I'm getting soime SN anyway, I actually might want to also try curing some meat for real lol. Here is the price in USD with taxes:
Screenshot 2023 03 24 115333

Here are the shipping costs:
Screenshot 2023 03 24 115539

Total price with shipping, I chose express shipping:
Screenshot 2023 03 24 115626

PayPal option, how nice!
Screenshot 2023 03 24 115352
 
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lebrodude

Arcanist
Jul 18, 2022
440
Not sure why you're having problems purchasing, plenty of users from this site have purchased from there with no issues.
I wouldn't worry about ID theft, I mean with what you are planning to use it for, don't think it's going to matter even in the unlikely event it does happen.
 
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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
Not sure why you're having problems purchasing, plenty of users from this site have purchased from there with no issues.
I wouldn't worry about ID theft, I mean with what you are planning to use it for, don't think it's going to matter even in the unlikely event it does happen.
At least PayPal express checkout doesn't work. I found there is a payment by credit/debit card option as well. I will try that now and update in this post. Sorry I can be stupid with these things.

Regarding the identity theft, out of professional integrity and moral beliefs let me tell you that under no circumstance, even if you are planning to CTB soon should you ever compromise your security by giving criminals your personal information. Please stay safe. The world had hurt you enough already clearly for you to also allow yourself to get abused by scammers. Stay safe! :heart:

Update:
Card declined. Will call my bank. I think the transaction looks sus.
1679662232881

Update 2:
This is what I have seen upon clearing cookies and cache then trying to check out again. Total strangeness I hope they didn't get busted for selling SN.
1679662426585

I will contact them directly and bump the thread with another post if they reply.

Update 3:
Email sent to IC about problems paying. Will call bank later. Said I cure meat using a combination of slavic/western recipes. I might try, actually. Will leave behind a nice smoky sausage. :pfff:
 
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lebrodude

Arcanist
Jul 18, 2022
440
This is what I have seen upon clearing cookies and cash then trying to check out again. Total strangeness I hope they didn't get busted for selling SN.

Ugh don't say that I haven't put my order in yet šŸ˜–
 
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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
Ugh don't say that I haven't put my order in yet šŸ˜–
If you don't mind let me know if it works for you. Haven't called my bank yet but they tend to be overprotective so maybe this is why.
 
strawberrysuffering

strawberrysuffering

Member
Nov 25, 2022
35
Hello,

Thanks to the kind and helpful users of this forum I have received the source for SN from IC. I am based in the UK. For scientific purposes I will be tracking my progress getting it in this thread.

I will place my order today*

Once the order is in place I will update you in this thread on anything that happens between that moment and when I have SN on hand.

My reasons to go are as follows in short (but feel free to ask for details):
Discovering that I have undiagnosed ADHD/anxiety/depression, it has caused so much damage to me just trying to do normal life goals. For so long I was outright abusive to myself trying to do what my peers were doing, when in reality I simply needed medical help. Still not treated but getting worse due to stress. I was directly affected by Ukraine war and had to get my parents to safety, and the economic crisis in the UK is threatening to separate me from my partner. My mental health negatively affected my career and because of added financial burden I am now leaving the job in an area I always wanted to work in for another higher paying but much less secure and much more demanding one. The problem? It was an impulse decision, no way in fuck I'll be able to do it nor do I want it. Like, why the fuck did I do that? Also I pretty much lost contact with most of my friends by now because I keep acting impulsive, restless, doing things for reasons I don't understand and being highly averse to any social interaction. I only have energy left to behave and act presentable and "normal" to my beloved partner and parents. I'll let them down soon it seems, but I want to show them myself at my best until then. In addition to that my Russian heritage keeps causing problems, for example security clearances are tricky, I can't go do defence industry jobs where most of the openings for my area of expertise are because of dual citizenship (I can't even easily get rid of it now because I need to turn up to the Russian consulate but it feels dangerous and also fuck that place) and in addition to that I have a physical disability I didn't need to have because doctors in Russia when I was a kid didn't fully know how to deal with a desease I had so now I can't drive etc. I barely got my parents out but they still aren't fully safe. Seriously fuck everything Russia has done and doing.

I am open to pro choice and pro life comments as long as they are rational and not "life is the greatest gift" etc. etc.

Finally, I am not comfortable sharing the SN source myself but please feel free to ask in this thread so that other users can assist.

Thank you, and stay tuned!

*(I have a very severe, and still untreated ADHD because NHS is slow as fk so following up on tasks in timely manner is becoming harder and harder but I'll try)
The severe and untreated ADHD vibes are so real. Sad that meds don't work on it either though
 
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lebrodude

Arcanist
Jul 18, 2022
440
If you don't mind let me know if it works for you. Haven't called my bank yet but they tend to be overprotective so maybe this is why.
I'm in the process of setting up a mail box away from my home address to have it sent there. Will order once that's done.

Would just be my luck if they were to stop selling now !
 
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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
The severe and untreated ADHD vibes are so real. Sad that meds don't work on it either though
I have yet to be medicated for it but was on 10mg of SSRIs for just over a year now. The SSRIs helped reign in my anxiety. I can actually talk to people calmly now instead of doing my best acting like I'm calm while sweating and freaking out internally. :ehh:

I'm in the process of setting up a mail box away from my home address to have it sent there. Will order once that's done.

Would just be my luck if they were to stop selling now !
Good luck kind soul, hopefully things go as planned.

For everyone's information here is the UK RoyalMail guide/application form for setting up a PO box:

A decent looking and informative blog post on the subject:

There are private providers for PO boxes other than RoyalMail but they appear to be mainly useful for letters and such, offering services such as scanning your mail for you to read through their app etc. so not very useful for SN I guess.
 
L

lebrodude

Arcanist
Jul 18, 2022
440
There are private providers for PO boxes other than RoyalMail but they appear to be mainly useful for letters and such, offering services such as scanning your mail for you to read through their app etc. so not very useful for SN I guess.

I'm actually using a private provider as they say they handle all international mail too and the convenience it's closer to me šŸ˜‚
 
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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
Called the bank

They told me at first that I need to authorise international payments on my card, however upon looking into it further they told me I need to authorise this payment with either PayPal or the vendor.

In this case, I imagine it would be the vendor. So I think you need to contact IC to have your payment go through, which I have already done but I will also contact PayPal and check if they can do anything and as per usual post results.

The strange thing is they said I need to confirm with card issuer on the site, so that's odd.
 
nonialabaster

nonialabaster

Experienced
Jan 4, 2023
263
If you don't mind let me know if it works for you. Haven't called my bank yet but they tend to be overprotective so maybe this is why.
That could be it. A few years ago, my late husband went to Kansas City, Missouri. We lived in Texas. His card was declined at a restaurant, even though he had thousands in his account. It was our overprotective bank, watching out for fraud.

I panicked a bit, ordering mine, for similar reasons to your issue. Weirdly, I was unable to complete the payment process on my desktop computer. Got the same messages. I was like, "Oh shit! Did they get shut down?" There have been a lot of people, mostly very new members, asking about the source information, so my paranoid mind immediately assumed that IC had ceased selling it. I did the order on my smartphone, using a different browser and it processed with no issues. It's shipping now.

Keep us posted, and the best of luck to you. I'm planning to keep the forum updated on my progress, as well. At least until you all get bored with my ramblings!:))
 
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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
SUCCESS!!!

Screenshot 2023 03 24 174040

Turns out IC had a sister site which does international shipping and accepts international payments. I have contacted K from IC and they have kindly shared it to me. As stated in the OP I don't feel comfortable sharing source HOWEVER please either ask here so other users can help you or message me the URL for IC and I will send you the alternate sister source so that we don't spam K too much causing a suspicious situation. However, please try the main IC source first and get in touch only if it fails for you in a similar way.

On the alternate site you need to look for SN under "Services".

Of course, this hasn't shipped yet so I don't know if I will get it on hand but at least I managed to order. As always, when I get it, or something interesting happens I will post an update here.

Below is the screenshop of my email exchange with K. I have edited out K's and my emails as well as the sister site URL leaving starting and ending letter for reference so it can be checked against to avoid scams:

Screenshot 2023 03 24 17 48 55 170
 
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lebrodude

Arcanist
Jul 18, 2022
440
Good to hear that you got it. Now you wait for it's arrival !

I did chuckle at your cover story in the email regarding curing meats. K is fully aware of what the product will be used for, just look at everything on the sister site as an example!
 
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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
Good to hear that you got it. Now you wait for it's arrival !

I did chuckle at your cover story in the email regarding curing meats. K is fully aware of what the product will be used for, just look at everything on the sister site as an example!
Oh god... Nitrogen, valves, masks and randomly the SN service! How did I not add 2 and 2 together. :pfff:

Okay, that is good to know. I felt bad ordering SN from what I thought was some small business who were completely unaware that in reality the SN wouldn't be used to cure meats slavic/western style. :pfff:

Will update when/if it arrives.
 
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lebrodude

Arcanist
Jul 18, 2022
440
Oh god... Nitrogen, valves, masks and randomly the SN service! How did I not add 2 and 2 together. :pfff:

Okay, that is good to know. I felt bad ordering SN from what I thought was some small business who were completely unaware that in reality the SN wouldn't be used to cure meats slavic/western style. :pfff:

Will update when/if it arrives.

Hopefully it arrives quick and with no issues
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
34,866
It must be a relief to know that the SN is soon to be arriving, planning to die in this world really is so unnecessarily difficult and complicated. But anyway, best wishes.
 
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Storyteller

Storyteller

A story that has been left untold
Mar 22, 2023
51
Lol recipes in slavic/western style got me, I am also a Slav
I myself seem to have found a website with the purchasable chemicals and can order via parcel, which I'm glad about, I don't want to interact with people too much.
But the problem is I have to wait over a week to get money for it and I don't want my family to grow suspicious. Not about my cbt attempt, but I've been skipping classes at uni and kinda behind the program. I'm afraid to go there next week since I don't know how my professors will react to my prolonged absence and I don't know what to say to them.

Edit: wish I have found this site sooner
 
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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
Hopefully it arrives quick and with no issues

I hope so too, but man, reading back on this thread knowing K is in on it (I also read the testimonials now). I'm such a sweet, naive summer child. :shy:

Anyways, hope yours arrives too and everything goes well with the PO box.

Lol recipes in slavic/western style got me, I am also a Slav
I myself seem to have found a website with the purchasable chemicals and can order via parcel, which I'm glad about, I don't want to interact with people too much.
But the problem is I have to wait over a week to get money for it and I don't want my family to grow suspicious. Not about my cbt attempt, but I've been skipping classes at uni and kinda behind the program. I'm afraid to go there next week since I don't know how my professors will react to my prolonged absence and I don't know what to say to them.

Edit: wish I have found this site sooner
Glad I made you laugh. I deserve the mockery lol.

Assuming you are in UK professors in uni likely won't care, in fact when I was in uni they told us as much in the induction. They can get mad if the overall attendance is low, and usually that is expressed in a few angry emails as well as a harder exam at the end of the year but on individual basis it is treated as your loss. So if this is stopping you then do not fret. Later on in the program it would in fact be quite common for some folks to skip out on lectures to make room for dissertation/coursework.

Disclaimer here though, I went to uni quite a while ago and it was on of the better ones in the country so maybe professors in other places are less arrogant/more attentive. But either way, my point still stands.
 
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Storyteller

Storyteller

A story that has been left untold
Mar 22, 2023
51
I hope so too, but man, reading back on this thread knowing K is in on it (I also read the testimonials now). I'm such a sweet, naive summer child. :shy:

Anyways, hope yours arrives too and everything goes well with the PO box.


Glad I made you laugh. I deserve the mockery lol.

Assuming you are in UK professors in uni likely won't care, in fact when I was in uni they told us as much in the induction. They can get mad if the overall attendance is low, and usually that is expressed in a few angry emails as well as a harder exam at the end of the year but on individual basis it is treated as your loss. So if this is stopping you then do not fret. Later on in the program it would in fact be quite common for some folks to skip out on lectures to make room for dissertation/coursework.

Disclaimer here though, I went to uni quite a while ago and it was on of the better ones in the country so maybe professors in other places are less arrogant/more attentive. But either way, my point still stands.
I actually study in Russia now for master's degree and the group has 9 people due to it being a scholarship group (I am studying at the expense of the state budget due to the successful passing of the entrance exam) so I think they won't like my attitude. Not gonna say they'll kick me out, I've already been skipping classes before and then talked with my teacher. She didn't seem angry and she told me how can I fix my debts. But I don't think she's gonna like it second time šŸ˜…
Suppose I can find a way to wiggle out from this situation somehow, just need to hold on a little longer but it's troublesome.
 
PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
I actually study in Russia now for master's degree and the group has 9 people due to it being a scholarship group (I am studying at the expense of the state budget due to the successful passing of the entrance exam) so I think they won't like my attitude. Not gonna say they'll kick me out, I've already been skipping classes before and then talked with my teacher. She didn't seem angry and she told me how can I fix my debts. But I don't think she's gonna like it second time šŸ˜…
Suppose I can find a way to wiggle out from this situation somehow, just need to hold on a little longer but it's troublesome.
Oh man, I assumed too much. I know how things are in Russia, I was born there. I think relationship wise you can still wiggle yourself out with the teachers but don't know about debts. Jobs in Russia don't seem to pay much unless you have connections, run your own business/"business" or work in IT. If you don't mind me asking, did the draft affect you at all? How are things there now?

Congrats on passing the exam, I remember they were tough as nails. Back in the day at least.
 
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nonialabaster

nonialabaster

Experienced
Jan 4, 2023
263
SUCCESS!!!

View attachment 106688

Turns out IC had a sister site which does international shipping and accepts international payments. I have contacted K from IC and they have kindly shared it to me. As stated in the OP I don't feel comfortable sharing source HOWEVER please either ask here so other users can help you or message me the URL for IC and I will send you the alternate sister source so that we don't spam K too much causing a suspicious situation. However, please try the main IC source first and get in touch only if it fails for you in a similar way.

On the alternate site you need to look for SN under "Services".

Of course, this hasn't shipped yet so I don't know if I will get it on hand but at least I managed to order. As always, when I get it, or something interesting happens I will post an update here.

Below is the screenshop of my email exchange with K. I have edited out K's and my emails as well as the sister site URL leaving starting and ending letter for reference so it can be checked against to avoid scams:

View attachment 106690
Hooray! I felt some need to explain why I wanted it (they didn't ask, but my Jewish guilt-complex got hold of me), so I explained in the notes that I was opening a food-truck, featuring sausages and wanted to try my hand at home-curing them. :))I'm a professional cook, by trade, so I felt like it was partially true. Good for you! I know what a relief this must be for you. Keep us posted!
 
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Storyteller

Storyteller

A story that has been left untold
Mar 22, 2023
51
Oh man, I assumed too much. I know how things are in Russia, I was born there. I think relationship wise you can still wiggle yourself out with the teachers but don't know about debts. Jobs in Russia don't seem to pay much unless you have connections, run your own business/"business" or work in IT. If you don't mind me asking, did the draft affect you at all? How are things there now?

Congrats on passing the exam, I remember they were tough as nails. Back in the day at least.
Thanks, the exam wasn't difficult for me at least. I hope I'll handle the situation until then, maybe time to be more firm and less anxious, for it depends how smoothly everything goes.
If by draft you mean army mobilization, my family and relatives live in another country so they're good and far from this terror. But my brother had to flee back to homecountry since he has Russian citizenship and military card, so there was a high possibility that they would've taken him away. Alas, he returned to Russia after a while, but he is cautious, so we hope that he will be able to avoid the draft as much as possible. Otherwise, it didn't affect me personally in any way, but it's still devastated to know that people have suffered ao much. I don't follow the news on this situation nowdays so can't really say what's going out there.
 
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PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
Update: the order had been shipped and I am in possession of a tracking number.

I was not asked to provide any ID as stated in the main IC site

Hooray! I felt some need to explain why I wanted it (they didn't ask, but my Jewish guilt-complex got hold of me), so I explained in the notes that I was opening a food-truck, featuring sausages and wanted to try my hand at home-curing them. :))I'm a professional cook, by trade, so I felt like it was partially true. Good for you! I know what a relief this must be for you. Keep us posted!
Massively relieved! The order has been shipped, this is my primary task now and therefore I already found myself procrastinating on it, but I will try to post another update later today. Love your excuse, opening a food truck was something I wanted to do when I'm older and winding down. Anyway, the relief is immense, just having that level of control over my life knowing if things continue to deteriorate I have a way out. That being said, K has better service than some of the enterprise vendors I worked with lol, I'm actually tempted to try inert gas instead. I'm quite techy so discussing details in the online consultation and assembling the kit would be a very nice experience, in addition the exit bag method is more peaceful and I get to wear a cool hood like in some of the sites I worked with. We'll see, knowing me and how bad the MH situation is right now I'm more likely to just leave the kit in the box for ages and chug the SN out of desperation. :pfff:

Thanks, the exam wasn't difficult for me at least. I hope I'll handle the situation until then, maybe time to be more firm and less anxious, for it depends how smoothly everything goes.
If by draft you mean army mobilization, my family and relatives live in another country so they're good and far from this terror. But my brother had to flee back to homecountry since he has Russian citizenship and military card, so there was a high possibility that they would've taken him away. Alas, he returned to Russia after a while, but he is cautious, so we hope that he will be able to avoid the draft as much as possible. Otherwise, it didn't affect me personally in any way, but it's still devastated to know that people have suffered ao much. I don't follow the news on this situation nowdays so can't really say what's going out there.
Glad to know your family is away and safe. The situation is bad and we are likely to see some more action and potentially another draft as the snow melts. Working in security I had a fair bit of sources I followed initially which had accurate first hand accounts, the situation is really horrific. Glad to know everything is okay with you but stay safe, and for what it's worth your bro should be very careful. In fact he will be wise to leave the country for the time being. I know there is always the Russian "Š°Š²Š¾ŃŃŒ", a kind of "devil may care" attitude to life but still.
 
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lebrodude

Arcanist
Jul 18, 2022
440
Update: the order had been shipped and I am in possession of a tracking number
That certainly was quick !
Do you have an estimated delivery date ? I've read of people receiving it within 4 days, others took weeks !
 
PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
That certainly was quick !
Do you have an estimated delivery date ? I've read of people receiving it within 4 days, others took weeks !
I don't have one explicitly for my order, but later I will check on the Shop app to see if they give an estimate. On the main website it was stated that the estimated delivery is 10 days for tracked and 8 days for expedited shipping. I got something non-escape related from US once and it shipped in about two weeks.

Of course I will keep everyone posted.
 
L

lebrodude

Arcanist
Jul 18, 2022
440
I don't have one explicitly for my order, but later I will check on the Shop app to see if they give an estimate. On the main website it was stated that the estimated delivery is 10 days for tracked and 8 days for expedited shipping. I got something non-escape related from US once and it shipped in about two weeks.

Of course I will keep everyone posted.

Either way it's being sent to you, so that's good.
Interesting you didn't have to supply ID. I have my suspicions this is something only for Canadians/Americans to cover himself from any legal trouble.
 
PurpleParadigm

PurpleParadigm

The glow is an illusion
Mar 22, 2023
201
Upon checking with Canada post (seems like I don't need the Shop app) the estimated delivery with April 11 and so far the process is at a stage where a shipping label was created. Please see the proof below for transparency and peace of mind:

Screenshot 2023 03 25 12 11 50 367
Canada post status

Screenshot 2023 03 25 12 12 07 388
The email with the tracking number.

Either way it's being sent to you, so that's good.
Interesting you didn't have to supply ID. I have my suspicions this is something only for Canadians/Americans to cover himself from any legal trouble.
If only the label was created perhaps K might ask me later. I will update if that or anything else happens.
 
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incorporationated

incorporationated

mentally unstable idiot
Jan 24, 2023
78
Hello,

Thanks to the kind and helpful users of this forum I have received the source for SN from IC. I am based in the UK. For scientific purposes I will be tracking my progress getting it in this thread.

I will place my order today*

Once the order is in place I will update you in this thread on anything that happens between that moment and when I have SN on hand.

My reasons to go are as follows in short (but feel free to ask for details):
Discovering that I have undiagnosed ADHD/anxiety/depression, it has caused so much damage to me just trying to do normal life goals. For so long I was outright abusive to myself trying to do what my peers were doing, when in reality I simply needed medical help. Still not treated but getting worse due to stress. I was directly affected by Ukraine war and had to get my parents to safety, and the economic crisis in the UK is threatening to separate me from my partner. My mental health negatively affected my career and because of added financial burden I am now leaving the job in an area I always wanted to work in for another higher paying but much less secure and much more demanding one. The problem? It was an impulse decision, no way in fuck I'll be able to do it nor do I want it. Like, why the fuck did I do that? Also I pretty much lost contact with most of my friends by now because I keep acting impulsive, restless, doing things for reasons I don't understand and being highly averse to any social interaction. I only have energy left to behave and act presentable and "normal" to my beloved partner and parents. I'll let them down soon it seems, but I want to show them myself at my best until then. In addition to that my Russian heritage keeps causing problems, for example security clearances are tricky, I can't go do defence industry jobs where most of the openings for my area of expertise are because of dual citizenship (I can't even easily get rid of it now because I need to turn up to the Russian consulate but it feels dangerous and also fuck that place) and in addition to that I have a physical disability I didn't need to have because doctors in Russia when I was a kid didn't fully know how to deal with a desease I had so now I can't drive etc. I barely got my parents out but they still aren't fully safe. Seriously fuck everything Russia has done and doing.

I am open to pro choice and pro life comments as long as they are rational and not "life is the greatest gift" etc. etc.

Finally, I am not comfortable sharing the SN source myself but please feel free to ask in this thread so that other users can assist.

Thank you, and stay tuned!

*(I have a very severe, and still untreated ADHD because NHS is slow as fk so following up on tasks in timely manner is becoming harder and harder but I'll try)
I hope you find the peace you're looking for, but I also hope that you've checked out every option before this. Have you tried consulting a doctor about your ADHD/anxiety/depression? I also recommend trying to open up to your partner about it, support is always nice, and I'm sure that your partner wouldn't abandon you just because you have a mental illness(es). Please try to consult a doctor (IF you can) and try opening up about it to if not your family who I'm sure is stressed and you don't want them to worry more, atleast try to open up to your partner. Of course, this is all your choice, and just my suggestions. Either way I hope you find peace and happiness however that comes to you. Goodluck in life.
 
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