justcallmeJ
<3
- Nov 9, 2023
- 408
Today is the day I'm going to try and end it all. I tried before multiple times, but it was always on impulsive while not being myself. (luckily?) I always managed to stop. I wasn't prepared anyways, and it was my biggest reason to not do it yet. But now im fully prepared. I got my method ready with the supplies needed, got my notes, my stuff is in order. Even mentally im ready i think, even though im scared of whats going to happen, but i think thats normal.
It still must be better than the alternative: I have been gaslighted and manipulated into becoming "the perfect son/little brother" by my family, which caused me to have my entire life wasted with no true identity, all the social workers and therapists have abandoned me, my home situation became unbearable and am at risk of becoming homeless, and its impossible to move out, When I enjoy myself im quickly overwhelmed by negative thoughts, being a very tall trans emo girl thats gets laughed and bullied daily by strangers, being very late diagnosed autistic and getting no help... Idk there is so much more happening i can no longer take it.. I tried to recover a lot but it all keeps getting worse :(
There are things im really going to miss. Especially my bf.. Hes the only light in my terrible life who has always been good to me and made me better. He made me pull me away from my family so i could life my live a bit on my own way. I would end up way worse if I didnt had him. And i feel so bad for having to leave him, but he knows of the pain im in, its no secret to him since im pretty open about everything.
I would also miss music a lot. Not a day goes by without listening to it for hours. If there is an afterlife PLEASE let me have access to my spotify >.<
And of course i am going to miss everyone here. Sasu is such a great and open place where you dont get judged. You people are so friendly and caring... I love all of you <3
And now my plan: around 7 pm gmt + 1, or like 6 hours from posting this, im going to take SN, with paracetamol and quetiapine 1 hour before. I also got weed im gonna smoke hours before that, and a couple of cigarettes in the meantime. Im gonna spent my last hours at a nice little pond not far from home listening to music. Luckily the weather is pretty ok today.
Im gonna document everything in this thread. Right now im gonna finish everything up at home and of course remove anything sasu related from my pc.
Goodbye my friends <3
It still must be better than the alternative: I have been gaslighted and manipulated into becoming "the perfect son/little brother" by my family, which caused me to have my entire life wasted with no true identity, all the social workers and therapists have abandoned me, my home situation became unbearable and am at risk of becoming homeless, and its impossible to move out, When I enjoy myself im quickly overwhelmed by negative thoughts, being a very tall trans emo girl thats gets laughed and bullied daily by strangers, being very late diagnosed autistic and getting no help... Idk there is so much more happening i can no longer take it.. I tried to recover a lot but it all keeps getting worse :(
There are things im really going to miss. Especially my bf.. Hes the only light in my terrible life who has always been good to me and made me better. He made me pull me away from my family so i could life my live a bit on my own way. I would end up way worse if I didnt had him. And i feel so bad for having to leave him, but he knows of the pain im in, its no secret to him since im pretty open about everything.
I would also miss music a lot. Not a day goes by without listening to it for hours. If there is an afterlife PLEASE let me have access to my spotify >.<
And of course i am going to miss everyone here. Sasu is such a great and open place where you dont get judged. You people are so friendly and caring... I love all of you <3
And now my plan: around 7 pm gmt + 1, or like 6 hours from posting this, im going to take SN, with paracetamol and quetiapine 1 hour before. I also got weed im gonna smoke hours before that, and a couple of cigarettes in the meantime. Im gonna spent my last hours at a nice little pond not far from home listening to music. Luckily the weather is pretty ok today.
Im gonna document everything in this thread. Right now im gonna finish everything up at home and of course remove anything sasu related from my pc.
Goodbye my friends <3
Here for you if you need to talk to somebody.
