alone

[hysterical&useless]

hi everyone, im new to this site and im looking for help. i dont want to be bothersome, so please only read ahead if you want to.

i dont have any friends, and i cant open up to my family. i feel truly lonely. im making this post because i know its only going to get worse.

im in my last year of high school, and i wasn't able to go to university this year (changed course) - so i have to take a gap year before i can go as dropping out isnt an option for me. my last day of school is in a month, which is when my a-level exams start. i know it sounds dumb but im scared to leave school.

i've had all this time to make friends and yet i dont have any. i think i'm fairly well liked at school, and i try my best to be kind and talkative, but i feel like the people i know only like the person i try to be when im around them. it feels like nobody wants to try and get to know me, despite my best efforts to get to know them.

im just tired of it. it hurts when i see everyone around me laughing together and making high school memories, especially now that its effectively impossible for me now to experience that. for so long i've been pushed away. and knowing that it will likely only get worse in my gap year is terrifying.

at the moment its just feeling like too much. i have no support system as my family are very much not available. they believe i dont have any problems, and my siblings agree. they think that my life could be a lot worse so i shouldn't complain - which is definitely true, but the advice hasn't really helped me to process how i feel

on top of this, im extremely stressed for my exams, my self esteem has never been lower, and i procrastinate a lot. i just feel lost.

could i ask for some advice regarding how to improve my life?

i've been having a lot of thoughts about catching the bus and i think maybe asking people who are/ have been in similar situations to me could help.

thank you for reading ◡̈

 

[Ash]

I had a similar experience for most of my time at school. Obviously I'm here so I'm no shining example, but you've got a massive opportunity coming your way. I assume you're doing something in your gap year and there's a very strong chance that you won't know anyone there. So you can practice those social skills you feel you lack before heading off to uni. And believe me, you'll be streets ahead of your fresher peers as that extra year of life in the real world will give you stories and experiences they are yet to encounter.

I know that leaving anywhere familiar is terrifying but try to look at it as an opportunity not a final ending. Get out there and make the most of this year. Take on responsibilities, get some cash in the bank, give yourself time to adjust to adult life. Keep up with learning so you don't get out of practice but do something brand new that you'd never normally think of. (There are free and very cheap adult learning courses on all sorts of subjects run by every council.)

Get your head down now with revision and exam prep, then leave school on your last day with your head up. And if that sounds impossible, it's just one year. You've got this.

 

[LunarLight]

Have you tried meds or therapy? It helps some people.

 

[hysterical&useless]

I had a similar experience for most of my time at school. Obviously I'm here so I'm no shining example, but you've got a massive opportunity coming your way. I assume you're doing something in your gap year and there's a very strong chance that you won't know anyone there. So you can practice those social skills you feel you lack before heading off to uni. And believe me, you'll be streets ahead of your fresher peers as that extra year of life in the real world will give you stories and experiences they are yet to encounter.

I know that leaving anywhere familiar is terrifying but try to look at it as an opportunity not a final ending. Get out there and make the most of this year. Take on responsibilities, get some cash in the bank, give yourself time to adjust to adult life. Keep up with learning so you don't get out of practice but do something brand new that you'd never normally think of. (There are free and very cheap adult learning courses on all sorts of subjects run by every council.)

Get your head down now with revision and exam prep, then leave school on your last day with your head up. And if that sounds impossible, it's just one year. You've got this.

thank you so much for taking the time to reply, thinking about it logically and step by step like that was really helpful. i really appreciate the kind words - you have made my day.

i am doing a foundation year in my gap year - i definitely wont know anyone at the college so you are right in saying that there are a lot of new opportunities

btw, i dont believe in 'shining examples' - at the end of the day we all have to just do what we can with what we have. im sure that's what you have done, too. best wishes for the coming year ◡̈

 

[iloverachel]

I can be your friend

 

[hysterical&useless]

Have you tried meds or therapy? It helps some people.

unfortunately i dont really have access to that, as i dont have any clinical diagnosis in regards to mental health. also, in wales the NHS is very overloaded (as is everywhere else in the uk lol)

I can be your friend

thank you. i appreciate that

 

[LunarLight]

unfortunately i dont really have access to that, as i dont have any clinical diagnosis in regards to mental health. also, in wales the NHS is very overloaded (as is everywhere else in the uk lol)

thank you. i appreciate that

I understand. That's such a shame. Why morally prohibit suicide when one can't access the healthcare system?