Random thoughts

[Life sucks]

Isn't it contradictory? Some people who claims wanting to reduce suffering make others suffer more?

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

@exhausted Fuckin' same dude.

 

[RM5998]

I got what I wanted... and yet I feel so dissatisfied and unworthy. I guess I am busted.

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

It's my last full day and I don't know what the fuck to do with myself so I'm lurking here until I can wake up tomorrow and be fucking gone.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Did I use him did he use me I don't know I needed a distraction... Don't be too hard on yourself because no body cares and when you gone... Well so what..... You need too live a bit ffs what is wrong with you... You know who you have to listen to now if it and get yourself sorted and get up.... I'm not letting you make me feel bad over this leave me alone... You no what you have to do.... They can laugh let them even tho you no you are a fool... The question is did you have fun or not? You no you did so just enjoy the moment... And if you feel too bad just think how lonely it gets and how nice it is to have some human contact... Give it few days and you will be feeling like you wish you had someone... Just get on with your day now dear..... Ok I wil but don't let anyone in, not today try to stay focused on my voice

(not expected to make much sense but I'm talking about myself, needed to get it out)

I got what I wanted... and yet I feel so dissatisfied and unworthy. I guess I am busted.

That's how I feel too.... I just think I'll never be happy!

 

[Carrotcake]

I feel so bad/disappointed. All this time of being depressed/suicidal I am still trying to get better and am working on it with therapy etc.

But obviously all the therapy and medication is not working cause here I am still feeling awful.

So I got an appointment for a second opinion from another mental health institute to see why my treatment isn't working and what alternatives/possibilities exist. I was actually feeling hopeful for the idea of a new kind of treatment.

But it was awful. The appointment was just a shitty conversation. I was under the impression there would be additional testing/examination. But nothing of the sort. And the conclusion was.. therapy and medication. Like I haven't been trying that for years. I'm so disappointed.

So the "new" course of treatment is something that I have tried sooo many times and it does simply not work. There are no other options.It's just one big "sorry dude we can't help you". And I can't live like this. I really can't carry on doing this.

I'm trying so hard to do the right thing and get help but there is no help left for me. Fuck.
I've got people to live for. My life is not that bad. I just feel so awful. It's impossible getting through the days. And if that's not gonna change I really can't go on.

Sorry for double posting and being dramatic and all but tbh I'm desperate

 

[Lego31088]

Just swallowed some random objects. They're blunt and small, so I'm assuming it'll be okay. I feel weird about it though. It's so easy to start doing new self-destructive things. It feels like something that shouldn't be that simple, and yet it is. During the last six months or so, I've done things that I absolutely never thought I would do.. Hopefully I'll end up dying soon, so the list of new things doesn't get too long.

 

[thatguyakira123]

I'm surprized I haven't either gotten into hard drugs, became a shooter or ctb as yet. I'm supposed to do it on my 30th birthday this year. Dunno if I'll be brave enough to even try.

This world rejects me I am not compatible with it.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Procrastination is just feeling guilt for trying to have a life.

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

Fuck yeah, got my custom title to be blank. Little victories and that.

 

[Forest Fire]

I work in a shop (currently off sick) and when I see customers looking sad I always wonder if they could be a poster on here.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I am extra hungry today for some reason. I also feel incomplete because I miss my love.

 

[Morphinekiss]

She's such a fucking selfish bitch.

 

[Deleted member 14177]

Is there no way out of the mind?

 

[Circles]

I know it seems like a dream but I can't help but wonder especially after receiving my SN. Why can't life just be more fun and everything better? Why does everything have be so depressing, so serious every day, so many people struggling to survive the next day and for what exactly is this even living? Of all the chances life could have turned out to be and it's the one where suffering and darkness prevails. And the fucked up thing about it all even after all this questioning is that it's all senseless there's no reason for any of this or atleast that's my perspective.

 

[BlueWidow]

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

From today I searched back online to those faces I was supposed to think were my old classmates and friends of far long ago, that I was part of something special if not uniquely american in experience alone; I couldn't feel anything but remorse.
Remorse for myself and the thing I have allowed myself to become, so alien I have became that I truly feel as though I am being born again.
These people of old feel so small and so irritating to interact with, I despise them, I want them gone.
So I stopped socializing all together and because of this itch that can be scratched I have completely withdrawn myself from my local society.
My eyes will never meet another, my gaze will always be focused away from anybody, I will never congratulate or show gratitude for simple services, their faces deserve no such thing.
I ignore so many yet I do not know if they even know I even existed in the first place.
Time is nearing for me to escape
Only one could hope that whatever it is that I could gain from this escape should be is the complete destruction of my old self and the birth of the newer being.
But death is always a welcomed option, a fucking joke for a 24 year old huh?

 

[Morphinekiss]

Annnnd I binged. Fuck my life.

 

[Carrotcake]

How I would love to get on a plane to China and catch that virus.

 

[dunkelheit]

Middle of the night
I'm tired of being tired
I refuse to exist yet I welcome the next sunrise every god damn fucking time

One day, one fucking day

 

[Thereisnothing]

Why do some cheeses have holes in (and I dont mean cos mice been having a nibble).............always thought how odd it is.

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

Why do some cheeses have holes in (and I dont mean cos mice been having a nibble).............always thought how odd it is.

Particles of hay create nucleation points in the cheese that encourage gas bubbles to form. Fun (?) fact, the holes have been getting smaller and less frequent due to higher sanitation standards.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Particles of hay create nucleation points in the cheese that encourage gas bubbles to form. Fun (?) fact, the holes have been getting smaller and less frequent due to higher sanitation standards.

Wow fancy you knowing that, am amazed. Its true what they say in that we learn something new every day thanks xx

 

[BooGirl]

If I wasn't suicidal already, Donald Trump would make me be.

את על הרשימה הנשארת

 

[Lefty]

Feel like my time might be coming.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Life literally doesn't want me to be happy....here we go again...I tried AGAIN and end up hurt and miserable...can I just give up and say enough is enough already and die in my sleep tonight?...

To add to this....you know what's not fair? That life revolves around luck...luck determines so much and we really don't have a lot of control...the people who have good lives have it mostly by luck because if hard work and trying created happiness I wouldn't be here planning my death.

 

[notjustyetagain]

i feel different today. emptier than usual, more estranged, divorced. but i do the same things every day, the world progresses as it does every day, so where is this difference coming from? even lurking here isn't touching me. everything to which i turn my mind's eye promises some distraction, some vague interest, but it's all empty and meaningless. i feel the air from my ceiling fan rolling over my skin, hear its faint clatter, look at my cat on the bed: apparitions. no substance. was it always like this? or have i stopped being able to take anything in? my usual tactic -- more drugs -- does nothing. i'm tempted to OD on my benzos just to introduce some reason into my state of mind, to string myself to the outside world with a concrete pathology. if i didn't need as many benzos as i can get for the SN experience, they'd all be gone.

an old friend randomly contacted me and wants to catch up today. i haven't seen him in years. he's one of the finest humans i've ever come across; usually i'd convince myself that i respect him too much to pollute him with my presence instead of owning up to my simple emotional bankruptcy... but today that's not the reason for avoiding him -- it's because he'd be the only person present if we met. i've never felt this lost, it's new to me. i'm so brutally insubstantial that i could live out my life like this. i could go through homelessness and its many perils entirely unfazed. i haven't just disconnected from reality, i've disconnected from disconnection. i'm no longer a point of data, not an empty set, not a pointer to a pointer, not even nothing.

and i'm not entirely empty, because i have a sense of extremely distant loss that kills the calm i assume this state should lead to. all formerly coherent concepts seem aeons old, rotten under their distinguishing layer of dust. i wouldn't be surprised if an alien came out of nowhere to tell me i'd been dead for trillions of years and put back into my point of departure with some virtualising technology; that i am now an equation, if i ever wasn't.

i can still touch things, i can influence my environment... doesn't logic dictate that my environment can influence me? it can't. it's a one-way affair, like particles falling into a black hole. everything's essence is gone. i don't know what these remnants are, but they're neither true nor false. i don't mind that i don't understand, i don't understand why i don't mind, and i don't care either way. traffic out the window -- there are real people out there. billions suffering, i have no right to be this absent. can one commit psychological suicide? is there a special bus i've caught unawares? the clock is ticking, i don't believe it.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Why did I sink so low suddenly? What is this darkness moving in? My chest is heavy, I can barely breathe. A breakdown is coming.

 

[faraway_beach]

I used to prefer the amusement parks in the offseason. I liked to see the bare skeletons of the rides, something most people don't get to see, like being backstage in the theater. There was a line from a song, "The fairgrounds, all dark and dead. A light flickers on, then goes off again."

Now I like them at the height of the season, when all the lights are on and everything is in motion. I wonder if I am drawn to signs of life now, if I cherish them more, because I won't see them much longer.

 

[BlueWidow]