Random thoughts

[TearyEyedQueen]

Just now I got once again dismissed by my mother. I got told she can't believe she ever gave birth to me and she had to "deal with it". She thinks she's the best thing that's ever happened to humanity and denies ever being abusive to me.
I'm so fucking tird of her manipulations and guilt tripping I can't anymore I was never good enough for her.

 

[Death.]

Those who understand your pain will not require any explanation whatsoever about the things you DO entertain and the things you DO NOT entertain.

 

[my heart hurts]

Why do I try so hard? I keep telling myself I'll give up but I wake up the next day and try even harder just to get shit on...The worst part is that I'm too detached to express any emotions properly, so I can't even cry about my issues. My parents being the reason from my anguish becomes more evident as time goes on, but for some reason, I keep running back to them like some kind of dog. Whenever something goes wrong, I desperately try to fix it while they insult me and call me the problem. This is getting really old. At least my sibling stuck up for me this time.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

If I pretend that I sell drugs while I don't, would I get murdered?

 

[Morphinekiss]

Do people really think a 3 digit suicide hotline will make any amount of difference? For fuck's sake, if someone wanted to call the amount of numbers doesn't matter. Yea, big victory for the mental health fighters.

 

[throwaway123]

I'm just sad. You grow up with the notion that love will make you stronger but the reality of things are that love is a weakness that it is easily and always exploited. There is simply no love in this world. Ther can't be and if there is it is hastily destroyed.
Is it really worth it being a good guy when the assholes always win?

 

[Circles]

I am the darkness that I feel uncontrollably inside of me. I am a nobody waiting to be forgotten. I am a shadow waiting to be dissolved. I am the void that encompasses the universes entirety. I finally understand the point of my life, I am nothing and I accept that now. I know what to do now, just please in whatever goodness the void may have, give me the strength to end feeling like this.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I'm probably not doing this right. I don't do anything right. I just can't stop thinking about how pathetic I am. I know people don't care; I don't expect anyone too. I related to what someone said in This thread. I think Bluewidow. But I too feel like I censor myself on here. probably would have many more posts but I'm often worried about how people will interpret what I say. I'd rather not say anything than deal with a misunderstanding or saying something that upsets someone.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Drunk, alone and am what I am. Even sober, it's the same, just tend to be.....'looser' with the tongue (giggity) when drunk. In all seriousness, though....everything has gone to shit and after long bouts of thinking, I think I may be onto some self truths. Not that they'd keep me from cashing my ticket, but they might, depending on an extreme variable of outcomes.

Tl;dr, me drunky, me dumb dumb, me not worth wordy stuff.

 

[Morphinekiss]

What the fuck am i doing thinking about intentionally dragging another person into my life?

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

What the fuck am i doing thinking about intentionally dragging another person into my life?

Trying? That's the first thought in my stupid brain, at least.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

My friend is proud of me because I haven't done another ctb attempt, little does she know that it's only because I'm waiting for SN

 

[Flume]

At this point I'm suprised if I make it to Januari.

 

[thatguyakira123]

Saturday night I went to a Metal concert. I had a really good time lots of fun. My anxiety didn't get in my way this time so I was able to enjoy it. On my way home however I was almost mugged. Dude lached on to me as I was walking, I kept pushing him off while still, telling him to go away, I have no money. He felt my back pockets, grabbed my ass hard, even though I had money in them my pants were baggy enough for it to feel like there was nothing in there. Lept telling me he was gonna "Take Me" After 5 Mins of me pushing him off over and over again and repeating what I said before, he let me go. He said he was going to be looking out for me, but I doubt that. He had no weapons and even though I was drunk af I still had spikes and thick brass faux silver rings on my hands.

Now becuase of this incident I am afraid to go outside, even in the day. Though before the incident I rarely go outside. I know eventually the effect it had on me will pass and I'll be outside again. I don't get that despite my lack of work, people always think I have money. Why? Oh becuase it's the caribbean and it's a well known racial seterotype that indians have money. And the people who started that racist sterotype is black people. I can't just have one moment of peace in this world. I'm an atheist but the fact that bad things always happen to me is getting to be too common.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Stressed myself out for nothing, dude stood me up and is ghosting me. Typical.

 

[ReverendGreen]

I need to get high asap. Preferably on opioids.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

Every breath I take feels as too much, the attempt wasn't supposed to go wrong.
Nothing goes as planned: I didn't plan to go back to work today, to buy Christmas presents on Monday etc..
I want to scream, punch and kick the wall by everything I need to attend. I have so much anger, frustration and sadness because I'm still alive.
No idea what to reply when colleagues are gonna ask 'what have you been up to during your 11 days off?' 'tried to ctb' lmaooo

 

[throwaway123]

I think I finally realized that CTB is the only way.

 

[Circles]

I feel so lifeless, I'm tired of never having any fun or even be capable to know what could even be fun for somebody like me. My life is so boring and pointless, why do people like me even exist?

 

[Morphinekiss]

I feel so lifeless, I'm tired of never having any fun or even be capable to know what could even be fun for somebody like me. My life is so boring and pointless, why do people like me even exist?

I feel this. I don't even know what my hobbies or interests are anymore. Staring at the ceiling?

 

[blueming]

Why am I still alive? Every moment of my existence is unbearable. I just want to die.

 

[charlottewilts]

i'm drunk, the weltschmerz is hitting hard and i just wish people could be kind to one another

 

[BrokenHopes]

Thought I give life another chance but I honestly dont know if I have the strength in me. Social interraction is a bitch. Im deeply damaged. Brain fucked up. Im so very very tired. Somewhere against all odds is a almost extinguished but small will to keep going. But I do not know if I will find the strength. The thought of death is so comforting with the hope for eternal peace. One more try though, one more try.

 

[Life sucks]

I hate dealing with others specially if they don't recognize your effort and like if you didn't exist or you didn't do anything. Corporations, fake friends and many things. If you do extraordinary stuff and everyone else look at it like its nothing then why bother live with those creatures. They'll just throw you under the bus or deal with you like you never exist. Idc anymore about them and I already said fuck them long time ago but this one of the many reasons how life is shit

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I'm pissed off and having a bad day so I'll just say my piece here....so many people make way way too many generalizations about suicidal people. They simply think we are not trying enough, and meds and therapy are answers to all life's problems, and that we just "can't let go of our negative mindset", "we can't let go of the past".... really really!??? Until you go thru what I went thru who are you to judge my pain or anyone elses pain! Some of us have no access to help because of a bad financial situation and living somewhere that has astronomical healthcare costs. I can't get disability because of the idiot place I live. Then people say "you could move" Oh it's that easy huh? To just move? With what money!??

It's not that we didn't "WANT" to get better is that doctors failed us, people and family failed us, life failed us and we were just dealt a beyond shitty hand in life. We can never know another's suffering, what pushes someone over edge is different for everyone. Sometimes the trauma, the pain, mental issues was just too much...

Believe me I would rather live, recover and be happy...I never asked for this...none of us did.

 

[Flume]

When I'm gone those who know will be shocked for about 3 days, after that most of em will return to pretty much normal. 72 hrs for them, 15 years of pain for me... just fucking kill me.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Anxiety is through the roof and I just want to punch someone

 

[Life sucks]

Fuck biology and biochemistry. Anhedonic again at a random time

 

[Kaczka86]

Almost always after I read some posts from this forum I feel quite ashamed. People are or were in worse situations and here I am doing nothing and thinking I have problems.

Also I really like Alec Benjamin's new song.

 

[BlueWidow]

Almost always after I read some posts from this forum I feel quite ashamed. People are or were in worse situations and here I am doing nothing and thinking I have problems.

Also I really like Alec Benjamin's new song.

No need for you to feel that way. Everyone's problems are subjective.

There are people around the world who are starving to death, or living in countries where they have no freedom, or who are in all kinds of other situations more horrible than mine.

I live in a first world country, so I shouldn't feel like I have any real problems because, compared to people who live in some other countries, I probably don't.

But again, it's all subjective. I don't think you can compare one person's problems to another person's problems because each person experiences things differently. Everyone has a different breaking points.

There are many women who lose their husbands and they go on living just fine. I could never do that. Without my husband,
I don't feel like I have any reason to exist anymore. All I've wanted from the moment that he died is to join him. That's my breaking point. Someone else might be able to go on without him and be just fine. That person would have a different breaking point than mine.

Therefore, I don't think you should compare yourself to anyone else. Only you know your own experiences and how much you can handle.

Everyone is welcome (well, except the pro-lifers and scammers) and we're all glad that you're here. We all have different issues and different problems, but I don't think any one person's problems are any better or worse than any other person's problems on this forum. . . When it comes down to it, we all ended up here. That's reason enough for me.