Random thoughts

[Kaczka86]

I feel so tired of being angry all the time. I wake up and after first interaction with people I feel so frustrated. I don't even have a good reason to be like this. Why so?

 

[Life sucks]

Brain pain

 

[Flume]

Now when the end is near, I find myself more loving towards others after hating on everyone for a looong time.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I think I'm starting to run out of coping mechanisms at this point but there's one user here that I legit wished we met in real life and became best friends and stuff. Ironic on this forum, isn't it?

 

[Life sucks]

Censorship and copyright crap. The ass corporations want to deprive humans of everything. How fucking YouTube is hurting content creators right now is ridiculous. Looks like the best thing is to leave this planet and life that has no good and only greed whether it is real or cyber.

 

[Lefty]

Not sure what to do.
Not sure what to do.

 

[brokenengine]

My boyfriend is such a wonderful person. He's empathetic and kind, he works hard to help his parents, he feels everything so deeply and uses that as his motivation to make the world a better place. He cries when he's sad and when he's happy, he talks like the protagonist of a shonen anime. I love him so much. But next to him I feel like a cold empty shell of a person. I only cry when I'm frustrated or scared. I never feel very sad for other people. Nothing motivates me, especially not other people. I can't return the same kind of love he has for me. I'm never going to be half as good as him and if I ctb it would destroy him and it would be the cruelest thing I've ever done.

 

[Daniela]

I wish I experienced loss of hope as silence and deadness instead of frantic. I never, ever have. Always active anguish, like a body rejecting poison. I have nothing to dull this with.

 

[throwaway123]

I think I'm finally starting to accept my destiny.

 

[passenger27]

Everything's holly jolly in the kingdom of melancholy.

 

[BlueWidow]

I just got a text from a friend of mine. I had written to her explaining how the doctor recently dropped my thyroid meds back down to the point where I am almost nonfunctional again, or at least I would be if I were taking the dose that he prescribed. I attempted to take that dose for a few days and I quickly realized that I wasn't going to be functioning hardly at all on that dose, so I went back to my previous dose, at least through the holidays, so that I can cook and so forth. At some point, I'm going to have to go on the dose he prescribed though, and at that point I'm going to be pretty much non-functional again. This person knows I've been dealing with this for 23 years now and it just pisses me off that she and everyone else just assume that I'm going to continue doing it. That I'm going to continue dealing with this shit and go on living, even if my quality of life is total crap. I'm so sick of it just being assumed that just being alive is more important than actually having a good quality of life. I wish one of them had to live in the condition that I live in every day. I'm pretty sure a lot of them probably wouldn't even make it for a month! I've been doing it for 25 fucking years now! And it pisses me off that they expect me to live this way and they don't give a damn how it affects me. I just want to pull my hair out and scream.
So she wrote to me and said " I hope you and your doctor get your thyroid medicine sorted out", like this is a new problem for me and like I have a doctor that's actually working with me on it. I explained to her in great detail that this doctor was not working with me on it and she just glossed right over that. I always wonder how much longer they expect me to live this way. How much more suffering would be acceptable? I'm so fucking sick of this crap! And I know that after I ctb, they're all going to be saying, "Well, I don't know why she wanted to kill herself".

 

[Worthless_nobody]

What I want to say to him:
you never really cared. I have scarificed years for you just to be disgarded in the end like a piece of trash...the piece of trash I am. You leave me to die as you start new relationships. You ignore my cries for help. You don't care. Do you literally have to see my cold blue corpse or my head blown off to realize the hell you put me thru?...why..!? All I ever wanted was to be loved by you...and yet you kill me instead. And I was stupid enough to believe you cared. Fuck you.

What I actually say: please don't ignore me

 

[Lefty]

Feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

[Kaczka86]

View attachment 22150
I explained to her in great detail that this doctor was not working with me on it and she just glossed right over that.

Jesus, I haate this. I want to scream when people, especially those who call themselves your best friend, just ignore you this way. You want to relieve yourself a little, but they don't even listen/give a shit about you. And it's not like you always complain about everything. You listen them when they need it, but as soon as you start to talk they try to start a different topic.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

"Life is often the same kind of freedom: an unwanted one that makes people worse off than if they didn't have it." I found this quite in Every Cradle is a Grave by Sarah Perry and I think it sums up life in general and the people on this forum overall.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I can't be on social media anymore tonight. All the happy families and kids. Knowing I can never have children, it's all a stab to the heart. It should be my baby's 4th Christmas. I hope they get Santa in heaven.

 

[RM5998]

It's Christmas, and I'm sitting in my college's largest lecture hall to find out how bad my job prospects are. Hey, at least I have a semi-decent offer on my hands as a fallback. I hope I can do somewhat decent on one of the tests and scrape my way to a decent job.

My parents keep telling me that I'm supposed to be a smart kid. I've seen that I can actually work at the level of productivity a regular job would need. So why do I feel like an inadequate little shit? Every practice test I attempt shows me how incompetent I am, and yet I cannot muster the energy to practice. It's like something fundamental inside me is irreparably broken.

 

[Lefty]

Merry Christmas all. This winter theme feels relaxing. I know, I keep talking about it.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Most satisfying purge session in months.

 

[throwaway123]

this life is nothing but a bad joke. if anyone expects me to succeed in living a life like this I recommend they try themselves. Fuck you people saying it gets better. fuck you people you never suffered a day in your life. You don't know what it's like when you don't have any fucking options.
death is my salvation.my ticket out of this hell. Nobody will be able to take my freedom away.

 

[Flume]

I wish someone could hold me and never let go.

 

[puppy9]

I'm sorry mom, I'll do better.

 

[Kaczka86]

I hate this fact that I will most likely waste 1/3 of my life on working for someone else and that I probably won't even like this job.

 

[OneBigBlur]

Every day that I get closer to finding my exit I end up becoming more heartbroken and bitter that nobody ever cared about me in my entire life. Nobody ever listened, nobody ever showed me any degree of compassion or affection and I'm so sick of it. I can't even write shit like this anymore without crying because it's the brutal truth.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Ugh why did I text him last night? Why the fuck did he text me back? No ma'am no ma'am no ma'am

 

[throwaway123]

Help me
I need help

 

[Life sucks]

When the brain is fucked up, most likely there is nothing that can be done. What a fucking waste that is life.

 

[RM5998]

Failed 3 placement tests in a row. At least I'm getting slightly better as these tests go on. I'm eligible for about 10 of the 15 companies who are coming here on day 1. This is turning out just brilliant. I don't see this getting any better here. I just hope I end up with a decent job, because I need something to live on in case I'm alive after the semester ends.

 

[Csmith8827]

No need for you to feel that way. Everyone's problems are subjective.

There are people around the world who are starving to death, or living in countries where they have no freedom, or who are in all kinds of other situations more horrible than mine.

I live in a first world country, so I shouldn't feel like I have any real problems because, compared to people who live in some other countries, I probably don't.

But again, it's all subjective. I don't think you can compare one person's problems to another person's problems because each person experiences things differently. Everyone has a different breaking points.

There are many women who lose their husbands and they go on living just fine. I could never do that. Without my husband,
I don't feel like I have any reason to exist anymore. All I've wanted from the moment that he died is to join him. That's my breaking point. Someone else might be able to go on without him and be just fine. That person would have a different breaking point than mine.

Therefore, I don't think you should compare yourself to anyone else. Only you know your own experiences and how much you can handle.

Everyone is welcome (well, except the pro-lifers and scammers) and we're all glad that you're here. We all have different issues and different problems, but I don't think any one person's problems are any better or worse than any other person's problems on this forum. . . When it comes down to it, we all ended up here. That's reason enough for me.

That was really deep and beautiful. Great response. Thumbs Up.

 

[CyanideSoup]

I'm sick of being told I'm too young to be suicidal. Sometimes by people in my personal life and sometimes here on the forum. Im an adult, I've done my time here. I'm hurting so bad and I have been for a long time. I don't know why my age makes all of that pain invalid.