Random thoughts

[Worthless_nobody]

I think it's time. There is no hope for me. Fuck si I just want to drift away and cease to exist. I'm done. I tried and tried but life never fails to find a way to beat me back down. Getting the courage is all that stands in my way now.

 

[ReverendGreen]

I need to sell my guitars/mics and give up on ever making anything worth listening to.

 

[notjustyetagain]

suicide is still a rational choice. i wish it wasn't.

 

[BPD_LE]

Not doing to great. Existing is difficult. I disgust myself.

 

[throwaway123]

It was four years ago that I had my first attempt. It took me a ton of willpower to do it and many tries. Now I'm more certain than ever that I want to do it but I cant. Maybe I'm just not made for it. I've been thinking about living this miserable life but I don't want to. I have a bridge near me also train stations but those are such brutal methods I haven't been able to do it that way. I also thought about buying N but the thought of waiting 10-15 minutes alone to fall asleep and die would make me insane. A gun would be very nice. It can't get faster than that but in this shit country it is almost impossible to get one.

 

[Circles]

Getting high just isn't fun anymore. Who am I kidding I don't even know what fun is even if it smacked me right in the face. I'm basically abusing weed at this point just so I don't feel so negative and gloomy all the fucking time. I'm just such a fucking boring person and I don't enjoy much of anything but holy shit I'm tired of being like this.

 

[NeverWazBlu]

Love or whatever those chemicals are that formulate to be/feel like that, can hurt so bigttime. Why does it have to? And why can't unceasing thoughts just tucker themselves out and leave one alone? I just want to be happy. And I just wish this other person could get a handle on changing, their lostness, their impulses, so they could stop hurting themselves, and me. I'm so tired of caring about the wrong people, and I wish I could wash away the past with them, because it stopped being wonderful and is now just a slow torture with some nice moments, but not nice enough to take away my pain that they cause. (And, the wonderfulness was an illusion on top of that. It can never be wrangled, who am I kidding.) Sigh. Why am I trapped in this conundrum.

 

[Life sucks]

If you look at the logical reason of problems, you'll see existence and being in this shitty world. That's why antinatalism

 

[Ame]

I have done a lot of therapy - maybe even too much therapy - and as a natural consequence, have collected a lot of resources. I am thinking of gathering these resources, translating them into English and compiling the useful portions into a small document that members can refer to in the recovery forum. Just...a small token of gratitude for all of the comfort and guidance that I've found here.

 

[MissNietzsche]

My SN just came in the mail..this is so surreal..I already have Meto..and my antacids are at my dad's house, but I have baking soda..I could literally kill myself tonight if I wanted..this is so freaking surreal

 

[262653]

My SN just came in the mail..this is so surreal..I already have Meto..and my antacids are at my dad's house, but I have baking soda..I could literally kill myself tonight if I wanted..this is so freaking surreal

Oh I get the surreal part once you get closer to your goal so much that I decided to comment on that. And sometimes I wish I were a princess too.

 

[Numbtopain97]

last night I died in my dream and woke up disappointed.

 

[BPD_LE]

Honestly, unless you're on the roller-coaster of emotional torment that is BPD, you wouldn't believe how it destroys a person, and everyone they love, or try to love. It robs intelligent, kind, capable human beings of their ability to function in a society where those who are different are not supported and accepted, but mocked and judged. What a waste of so many lives. Untapped potential thrown to the wind due to a lack of care and understanding. I could have been anything.

 

[Circles]

I feel so hollow and lonely after attempting last night. I just don't want to feel like this any longer. I've been on here for a over year now and I just feel like I'm not even good enough for anything not even suicide. I've accepted suicide into my life but it's like suicide won't accept me back. I hate feeling trapped like this, I have no options left and of the options that involves living requires me to try and constantly fail and the harder I try the harder I fall and I'm back where I started. I feel so dead inside. I feel so pointless. And as always the silence and boredom is coming back and making me feel even more pointless. Yesterday could have been my last day and all I feel right now is nothing, fucking nothing.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Them deciding to move would be the perfect time to ctb. They could start fresh without me, surrounded by the rest of my family for comfort. 9 months to prepare and decide.

 

[Lefty]

Thinking of what to do next.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Life is a trap my body is a trap.
So why haven't people realized antinatalism yet? Sometimes I think people who fake things are pathetic
People who show off on social media are pathetic. Like really literally pathetic.
My family is pathetic.
Waking up every day is pathetic
The fact that the universe exists is pathetic
Why was I born? I'd really like to know.

 

[Circles]

The darkness I feel within me, the gloominess I see everywhere outside, the shallow encounters of people with empty faces, and the pointlessness of it all are all too overpowering. I need to try again soon.

 

[maka]

I keep thinking about what I'll miss. I'm gonna miss my crush, his adorably shy smile, deep voice, and bouncy hair. I'm going to miss taking time for self care, which is essentially just doing my hair because it's fun even though it hurts my arms. I'll miss hanging with my cats and their little mews. I'll miss chatting with my teacher who's like a mother to me and my absolute favorite person in this whole entire universe. I always tell myself that it's alright and that I'll reincarnate into someone who gets to experience all these joys and more again, but I'm sad I don't get to enjoy it in this life, in this body, with these people that I love.

I'm also going to miss Lofthouse cookies. I really wanted one before I go but oh well. I hope I am surrounded by Lofthouse cookies in the after life. Mmmmm :)

 

[Lost1234]

Glad this thread is still alive. Can't say the same about me.

 

[noctiva]

I need to die to be missed and wanted, but I would like to be missed and wanted before. I don't know when to cbt, because I'm scared to miss that someone will actually miss me.

 

[Moonicide]

I'm mentally drained and feel very unwanted right now... You know those moments where you feel like trash and you want to take yourself out, but you don't even have the energy to do so. So you're just this huge bag of garbage laying around? Yeah, that.

 

[BPD_LE]

I'm so sad. Devastated actually. Silently crying out for help and support. Don't want to make a big deal out of it. It's not about me so I step back, just need someone to turn around.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I don't want all these extra days.

 

[Lefty]

Tired and just want to rest.

 

[Life sucks]

Every day is a struggle and the result is nothing. How meaningless

 

[throwaway123]

I can't sleep. I feel fucking miserable and worthless and I can't live like this any longer but I know I can't ctb. I wish someone would just help me....
I've passed the point of no return. I'm broken beyond repair and its been a long time now. I have to go.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I wish I had a loving father.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I hope you're somewhere happy

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Israel's hospital system is going through massive changes because some law expired. This makes things expensive. This makes private doctors less expensive. The problem: I've never heard of private doctors in Israel.
USA? Yeah, sure, land of capitalism. They got private prisons ffs! Israel, though?
Where am I going to find a private neurosurgeon?