Venting Been some time but the desire to leave is coming round again.

[Lexandro]

Not sure how others feel day to day, but the desire to CTB for me isn't a daily thing. It seems to follow a pattern. I know this from analysing the years since I first felt this way.

I can now sense when it's coming, I notice my tattoo more than usual (I got a tattoo on my wrist as a reminder) the urge to goto work gets harder, loose interest in just about everything I used to enjoy, when I'm driving to and from work the fleeting thoughts of remove you belt and just do it. I take different routes home just to see where I could possibly do it not the motorway I usually use. Lots of little things I start to notice, like my mind keeps throwing hints.

And so here I am just dwelling on it. This morning coming into work for example I wondered how hard it would be to get access to the harbour sheds or cranes that are no doubt high enough to do the job. Not even sure if I could make it up, my fear of heights would probably stop me, stupid I know to think that's an issue given the reason.

Just wish I didn't have to do this all over, everyday.

Not even sure why I came on here today.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yup. Thats how it works they say. In cycles.Some can just make the decision, and never let it go however. I am one of them,

 

[Slimprofessional010]

I'm glad you decided to share what's going on. I'm the same way, I have very bad mood swings, the only difference is I'm suicidal everyday, some days just worse, and some get better.