Random thoughts

[SkyBlue]

Just stuff with my dad again really, snide comments about praise I've got from work and screaming at me. It feels like whenever I start to feel better I get dragged back down tbh

Ha okay, that hurts, sorry. Could it even be coincidence? If it feels that way. Oh well...

 

[blanketyblk]

Come home from work to a dark cold house. i simply turned around and checked into a hotel about 20 mins away. at least there is people around and room service exists. i hate living alone..

 

[262653]

Phonetics of some words or their combinations don't always match well with their meaning. Like "to struck a chord". Sounds like to cut someone in half with a monstrous axe.

 

[throwaway123]

I miss her.
I know there's no hope for us but I keep clinging onto it. I wish I could just stop being so delusional and end it.

 

[Donewith_]

To all the people trying to take advantage of me, saying that I haven't told you somethings. screw you.. for feeding on me. I am tired of your kindness or sickness.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Too dumb to get even the most basic online job. Fml.

 

[Morphinekiss]

My depression and anxiety is turning me into a heinous bitch. I hate everyone around me. I hate my sister the most. She's so fucking successful and treats me like I don't even try. I don't even know what to try anymore. If I go back to the classroom I will kill myself in the school park lot one day.

 

[Sever]

I have sn and everything else ready. I might have been already dead. Idk why the fuck I'm keeping postponing it. Waiting for a fucking miracle knowing there are no miracles. Hope I won't chicken out or postpone it again after friend's birthday.

 

[Alchemist]

A major pet peeve of mine in many sites are people who never read faqs or rules when they first arrive and ask the same questions that already have been answered countless times. I can't help facepalming on those situatuions.

 

[mattwitt]

I wonder what happened to millefeui

 

[Lefty]

Really just want to die.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Would you even notice if I died?

 

[throwaway123]

I wonder what happened to millefeui

she CTB'd. She made a thread about it titled "I'm going"...

 

[blanketyblk]

At work today i was told by HR that i seem to have lost the spark in my eyes. not sure how to take that. they wanted me to go see a shrink asap and have given me a further 2 weeks off for mental health reasons.

noticed on mydeathspace.com, these seems to be a spate deaths by hangings recently :-(

 

[RM5998]

I've been drinking whiskey neat... Again, wondering whether that's a good excuse totes my crush.

I want the fantasy of my idea of her to remain intact, but I also know that it comes from the worst parts of me. I don't want to see it collide with reality.

Let's pour another glass...

 

[RM5998]

Okay, I'm drunk now...

I don't want to go back to reality... I like this. I'm free from myself. I don't like being with myself. I want to be free of the worst parts of me.

I don't want to go back to being sober...

I hate the fact that I'm aware enough to understand how needy I'm being. I want to not be aware of this...

EDIT: I'm getting drunker...

 

[not_a_robot]

Okay, I'm drunk now...

I don't want to go back to reality... I like this. I'm free from myself. I don't like being with myself. I want to be free of the worst parts of me.

I don't want to go back to being sober...

I hate the fact that I'm aware enough to understand how needy I'm being. I want to not be aware of this...

Do you smoke weed? Might not be your thing; or might be exactly your thing. Just curious.

 

[RM5998]

Do you smoke weed? Might not be your thing; or might be exactly your thing. Just curious.

I've smoked weed before... Took about as long to get high as alcohol, but it came with the additional benefit of triggering my asthma.
I'm thankful for my roommate getting higher than me.
I don't want to let this go...
Yeah, I'm drunk...

EDIT: Yeah, I'm drunk off my face...

 

[Help_Me]

I recognize this feeling. I experienced this 2 years ago when I visited the same city. It is the feeling of extreme NEED to ctb

 

[inconsequential]

I feel weird today.

 

[RainAndSadness]

So the draft, which was supposed to be a response to my own thread, got deleted and now I have to fucking write it all over again. I'm so pissed. The people who responded to my thread deserve a reply and I can't give this right now. I'll write it in the next few days because I'm way to angry to write anything.

 

[RM5998]

I don't know what I've told the people around me. I can't process my surroundings properly.

My brain is skipping thoughts.

I want to text my crush...

Is this an excuse I can use?

 

[Sanguinius]

I want to die, philosophical, ethic despiration and a big carving for nothingness. but the current pain is not enough... generate some?

 

[RM5998]

Well... I've texted my crush. And I'm finishing my friend's drink. Talk about bad decisions. I'm also relying on auto-correct for a major portion of these messages.

I wonder what I'm going to feel like when I wake up.

I'm probably going to eat a bit before I go to sleep.

I don't know whether Iike this or not.

EDIT: I wonder what part of this I will remember when I wake up.
I was reading through my posts...

I kinda see the worst parts of me in there. The neediest parts, the ones that need to be cut out.

I wish I can be more than this.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Back in the hospital. Same nurses. Atleast they're cool.

Can't I just have a heart attack and not be around anyone?

 

[RM5998]

Well... That happened

I can't take the high ground on people who confuse people with ideas anymore. Although I guess I had this coming when the worst side of me turned a person into a shorthand for an idea, and I let it be.

 

[not_a_robot]

Well... That happened

I can't take the high ground on people who confuse people with ideas anymore. Although I guess I had this coming when the worst side of me turned a person into a shorthand for an idea, and I let it be.

That's the whole function and purpose of oxytocin. Happens to everybody.
(pat pat) There. There.
(said with totally flat inflection, like Sheldon Cooper.)

 

[RM5998]

That's the whole function and purpose of oxytocin. Happens to everybody.
(pat pat) There. There.
(said with totally flat inflection, like Sheldon Cooper.)

...Sure.
(I guess that comes with knowing where a reference comes from, but not knowing what weight it should have...)

 

[not_a_robot]

Sheldon is one of my major Asperger's-crushes.
He is a nearly-perfectly logical human surrounded by NTs constantly trying to ruin him by making him "act human".


There. There.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

I've been hiding my true self from strangers for every year of my life. It's almost scary to realize how fake I am around anyone except my parents.