Random thoughts

[EphemeralDream]

I hate myself so much. I'm so big fuck up. Makes lots of people sad. I just want to die.

 

[Roulette]

The suicide hotline pops up when you google this place now. Rude. I wonder when they did that. Took google a long time to add that (for me at least). :/

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

The suicide hotline pops up when you google this place now. Rude. I wonder when they did that. Took google a long time to add that (for me at least). :/

How is that rude?

 

[Jodes]

How is that rude?

Google thinks it knows best

 

[Alecsa]

Frustrated and sad that someone would rather hide something, and skirt around issues and problems than tell me things up front. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? I already want to kill myself.

 

[TheRiverStyz]

I'm so tired all the time, I hate my body, I hate my face, I hate my life and I wish somebody would validate my wish to get out of this life rather than saying bullshit like "it'll get better."

 

[Redt2go]

Being casually suicidal has become mainstream among young people... It's so sad. I wonder how many who joke about wanting to be dead actually want to be :/

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

Being casually suicidal has become mainstream among young people... It's so sad. I wonder how many who joke about wanting to be dead actually want to be :/

A friend of mine says I want to die all the time but kind of in a joking way but I never know wether or not to take her seriously

 

[brighter]

So you see how depression has something to do with chemicals, why do some people have/lack hornones that make them feel so bad?
People with depression, not those who want to ctb due to life circumstances.

 

[Redt2go]

So you see how depression has something to do with chemicals, why do some people have/lack hornones that make them feel so bad?
People with depression, not those who want to ctb due to life circumstances.

I don't think there's a reason, same reason people with diabetes lack the hormone insulin

 

[anuglymale]

JFL, $10 rope seems expensive for me

 

[SkyBlue]

So you see how depression has something to do with chemicals, why do some people have/lack hornones that make them feel so bad?
People with depression, not those who want to ctb due to life circumstances.

Early childhood experience might be a reason. How you were handled as a toddler etc. It's subject of recent research if I remember correctly.

Edit: Plus of course further negative experiences in your development until adulthood, all forms of psychological stress and exhaustion etc.

 

[AhG]

I feel scared sometimes when thinking about ctb but other times I'm just like eh. Anybody else?

 

[15dec]

I thought exercise would improve my back pain, not nake it worse :/

 

[Roulette]

How is that rude?

Not the biggest fan of seeing the hotline number. It's thrown at your face everywhere these days, even on social media everyone will spam it.

 

[Wolfjob_dayjob]

how does the writer from Casper, The Movie explain how kat's dad's body came back from his ghost? His body was in a construction site ditch? Life's great questions.

I feel scared sometimes when thinking about ctb but other times I'm just like eh. Anybody else?

Your brain cant maintain sadness or hypervigalance or anger forever, it's gotta get tired and be numb to protect you or else you'd get an ulcer (you still can get the ulcer though...) Loose hypothesis from Self Harm and cptsd book I'm reading..Anyway....virtual hug if you want or desire it.

 

[Koal]

A thing I find annoying about life is how you need to do it all in one go. You can only die at the end and you can't come back. Maybe I'd be more keen on life I could take a 5 year "being dead break" and then come back. Sleep doesn't do it for me because the body is still functioning during sleep.

 

[Jodes]

I really want to be able to check that I died properly, and enjoyed the experience.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Damn. No more toothpaste. Baking soda it is.

 

[Elek]

What if instead of ctbing I join the YPG and die fighting ISIS and protecting local people? I'm totally insane lol.

 

[thatguyakira123]

I love how everytime when I think, "Maybe it's not so bad, I might not ctb" life always do something to remind me why I'm doing it. Long story short, my family sucks etc. When I do CTB I hope they all regret not defending or being there for me.

 

[Redt2go]

What if instead of ctbing I join the YPG and die fighting ISIS and protecting local people? I'm totally insane lol.

I don't think you're insane, I've known a few people who joined the military to die

 

[throwaway123]

each day I am getting closer to doing it.
I can feel it. I should've done it years ago. I've been living a lie. It's time to end it.

 

[Severnayasemiramida]

I live in a hotel now. There are a small cafe where I often go to have meal and a grocery store where I buy booze every day. To be honest, sometimes I used to visit the cafe being noticeably drunk, lose important stuff like card, passport and keys. Broke them a showcase one day (I wasn't aggressive, just wanted to lean on something and fell down with the glass which wasn't mounted properly).
Today I went to the grocery store, bought only two bottles of wine for evening and suddenly met a girl who works in a cafe. She remembered me, said hello and asked if I still in a drinking bout. Bitch.
I tried to argue, said that I usually drink only if there USB a reason. This bitch answered that every time she works and meets me as a customer, she sees me drunk.
Fuck it! I was sure it's not noticeable!

Tried to make up with dad a couple of days ago, returned home. While he was sleeping at night, bought and drank a bottle of whiskey in my room. Shit, I passed out after that. At the morning he found me sleeping in my bad with an empty bottle, began insulting me and we argued even worse. So tired of people treating me like a shit

 

[Jodes]

I live in a hotel now. There are a small cafe where I often go to have meal and a grocery store where I buy booze every day. To be honest, sometimes I used to visit the cafe being noticeably drunk, lose important stuff like card, passport and keys. Broke them a showcase one day (I wasn't aggressive, just wanted to lean on something and fell down with the glass which wasn't mounted properly).
Today I went to the grocery store, bought only two bottles of wine for evening and suddenly met a girl who works in a cafe. She remembered me, said hello and asked if I still in a drinking bout. Bitch.
I tried to argue, said that I usually drink only if there USB a reason. This bitch answered that every time she works and meets me as a customer, she sees me drunk.
Fuck it! I was sure it's not noticeable!

Tried to make up with dad a couple of days ago, returned home. While he was sleeping at night, bought and drank a bottle of whiskey in my room. Shit, I passed out after that. At the morning he found me sleeping in my bad with an empty bottle, began insulting me and we argued even worse. So tired of people treating me like a shit

It must have felt terribly lonely going through all that. I would just treat the girl as a social interaction, no more. Even tell yourself that she's concerned in some way. And if she has nastier intentions then don't do what I do and disappear and start a new life.

Do you have anyone else you talk to?

 

[Severnayasemiramida]

It must have felt terribly lonely going through all that. I would just treat the girl as a social interaction, no more. Even tell yourself that she's concerned in some way. And if she has nastier intentions then don't do what I do and disappear and start a new life.

Do you have anyone else you talk to?

I haven't. Everyone I know critisises me because of the shit I've done.

 

[Jodes]

@Severnayasemiramida people don't get that some people actually need help, and that involves being positive. This world has forgotten how to care without being paid

 

[Severnayasemiramida]

@Severnayasemiramida people don't get that some people actually need help, and that involves being positive. This world has forgotten how to care without being paid

Wish i'd never got a help.
Got acquainted with the guy in the internet, when he was facing the same shit I do. He was worse then me, tried to ctb because of his ex. We used to drink and have drunk conversations every evening till the moment he said he loves me.

Now he doesn't drink for a month, got a new job, made up with parents and friends. He has even called a ER for me. In a week we should finally meet each other in real life (we live in different countries). However, he had dramatically changed. We're always arguing, he wants me to stop drinking, solve all the problems and even find a job(!). If I begin selling burgers in McDonald's I will jump from the roof at my first fucking day at the work. His speeches remind me of motivational commercials, not a real human opinion.

 

[Jodes]

Wish i'd never got a help.
Got acquainted with the guy in the internet, when he was facing the same shit I do. He was worse then me, tried to ctb because of his ex. We used to drink and have drunk conversations every evening till the moment he said he loves me.

Now he doesn't drink for a month, got a new job, made up with parents and friends. He has even called a ER for me. In a week we should finally meet each other in real life (we live in different countries). However, he had dramatically changed. We're always arguing, he wants me to stop drinking, solve all the problems and even find a job(!). If I begin selling burgers in McDonald's I will jump from the roof at my first fucking day at the work. His speeches remind me of motivational commercials, not a real human opinion.

If he faked who he is to that extent I'd get out of the situation, get away from him. His controlling is likely to get worse, and could become violent. It's not uncommon

 

[Severnayasemiramida]

If he faked who he is to that extent I'd get out of the situation, get away from him. His controlling is likely to get worse, and could become violent. It's not uncommon

He wasn't. He used to leave home when he was 16, live in hostels, save money for the university and do lots of shitty jobs. It's easy for him to make a success. However, he got depressed when his ex had cheated on him and told him about it as it was okay.

He doesn't control me and doesn't seem to be violent. Lol, I don't even know how to describe it in a foreign language but I'll try. I live in this fucking condition for years, I planned to get a heritage, spend it all and finally ctb. As for him, it was a common depression after the breakup. I thought, he'd downshift, we'd have a couple of weeks of chill and end it all but now he's really happy and seing a great future (for both of us?)