Random thoughts

[Schopenhauer]

It's raining heavily, I wish the rain could wash all the sorrow and suffering away.

Like tears in the rain :)

I like rain, it always fits my mood. I hate living in a sunny, tropical country. I wish I could drink N lying in the rain, while the raindrops spatter all over my body and the ground. The only light comes from the frequent lightning strikes, and the only sound from the distant rumble of thunder. I feel so peaceful.

 

[Dead Meat]

I'm so sick of people telling me where there's life there's hope. Not when you've been beaten down in Life and your life is a shit hole of existence.

 

[jaemus12]

I sometimes want to go into the bathroom and call Bloody Mary three times to see if she'll show up and murder me.

 

[mattwitt]

I sometimes want to go into the bathroom and call Bloody Mary three times to see if she'll show up and murder me.

Never worked for me.

 

[mattwitt]

I am 100 % convinced that there is a God. And I'm 99 % convinced That He wants me to commit physical suicide because of my sins.

 

[jaemus12]

Never worked for me.

Sad.

You suck Bloody Mary! Yeah, I said it. COME AT ME!

 

[Trashcan]

I'm so socially inept and have no charisma... I seem to make people feel uncomfortable without meaning to. I almost always never understand why what I said was met with a silence, people pretending to not have heard me, or people seeming uncomfortable. I've also been tested for autism and told I don't have it. Yet, I'm so socially inept. Then it later occurs to me why everyone seemed to feel embarrassed for me... whenever I look at all the social interactions I've had over the course of my life, I want to crawl into a ditch and die and I cringe.

It's part of the reason I want to ctb. And ugh I want to cut myself right now.

I'm an embarrassment. Also due to a lack of an autism diagnosis, there's no help available to me. I've looked into social skills groups, there's none for adults without an autism diagnosis. I've taken communication classes. It doesn't help. Because I don't understand social norms, and no matter how much I observe and research, it's not enough. I'm also really ugly. No matter what. My height and features make it so I'll always be ugly. I'm also uneducated and am not intelligent. I have no common sense. I have nothing going for me.

A lot of people are remembered positively when they die. I won't be. I'll be remembered poorly.

 

[Help_Me]

Today's thoughts : I am a bit nervous, I woke up because of another sudden panic attack, I had a nice dream where I had family and child (and meaning of life for sure). I feel nervous because I am afraid I won't be able to learn how to get all necessary equipment for helium method, and how to make it work as well. Also, idk how I will get past through my parents with pretty big and heavy gas tank and walk to my room to hide it somewhere. They are always at home. I'll have to bring it home on my own also (no car and driver license), the security in the subway will sure pay attention to my giant backpack...maybe I'll have to make my way home on bus (yea, catch the bus with it's literal meaning). So yea, I am nervous thinking of my preparations, when time will come..

 

[Throwaway563078]

I'm starting to dislike coffee. I used to love it, the bitter taste, warmth of a cup, thinking and daydreaming, listening to music. Hope. Coffee for me meant a new day. Yeah I was never really well but I had that silly thing named hope. "Things will change it gets easier" yeah right.

 

[starcrossedfate]

*wiggles in a life-siphoning alien cocoon*
kkkkiiiiilllllll mmmeeeeeee

 

[millefeui]

When I first made this thread I didn't expect it to get to the second page. Almost 30. I guess it was a good idea, after all.

 

[Miss clefable]

When I first made this thread I didn't expect it to get to the second page. Almost 30. I guess it was a good idea, after all.

I guess random thoughts never stop

 

[Lra888]

The first instant of conscious in the morning is agony. A rush of realizing my hellish life situation and a surge of anxiety/fight or flight. Physically hurts.

 

[Lra888]

I'm starting to dislike coffee. I used to love it, the bitter taste, warmth of a cup, thinking and daydreaming, listening to music. Hope. Coffee for me meant a new day. Yeah I was never really well but I had that silly thing named hope. "Things will change it gets easier" yeah right.

I feel this. I used to love coffee, the whole ritual of preparation, knowing it would lift my spirits, give energy, prepare me for the rest of the day.

Now I feel none of that. Now it's forcing myself to chug bitter liquid so that I can have a minuscule amount of energy increase and force myself through another day.

 

[Miss clefable]

I feel this. I used to love coffee, the whole ritual of preparation, knowing it would lift my spirits, give energy, prepare me for the rest of the day.

Now I feel none of that. Now it's forcing myself to chug bitter liquid so that I can have a minuscule amount of energy increase so I can force myself through another day.

God I hate caffiene

 

[Lra888]

God I hate caffiene

I don't like it either but I need it to do minor things. It certainly worsens my anxiety.

 

[Miss clefable]

A random thought but a true one everyone here has been more of a family than my own hugs <3

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I hate how crap and wishy washy I sound on the phone. I always think I know what I'm going to say but because my mind is like the magic roundabout on an acid trip it comes out all over the place.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I'm laughing out loud right now with this:

Can't stop it.
I'm sorry for posting random pics. If anyone objects I'll stop.

 

[RM5998]

I've spent two days looking at research papers now.for my data mining and information retrieval courses. Now all I can think of is autoencoders and cosine distances and sparse inputs and word stemming. My brain's run itself to pieces, and it hurts, but I've never been this functional in a long time. It's like I need to push my head to the breaking point to have some form of academic success.

 

[Miss clefable]

I use to scare creepy men with a nazgul scream

 

[Lra888]

Sometimes the only thing that helps me fall asleep is thinking about dying. Like I imagine a noose around my neck, imagine myself bleeding to death, imagine being injected with heroin and overdosing. Even as a young child before I decided to ctb I would think about dying while laying in bed. What a fucked up kid I was.

 

[Life sucks]

I died peacefully while doing nothing. But that was a dream

 

[mattwitt]

I should have killed myself when I was 12 !

 

[RM5998]

I just tried to add mods to my cracked version of XCOM 2, and found out that I can't use them. It feels like I just lost one of the things that was keeping me here on earth. I can't believe that something that should be trivial is affecting me like this.

 

[millefeui]

My brother is dating a guy, and I can't wait for him to tell our mother so I can watch her lose her shit.

 

[millefeui]

I died peacefully while doing nothing. But that was me, DIO

 

[starcrossedfate]

I can believe it's not butter!

 

[DeletedUser4739]

I think I might just say fuck it and jump into a train very soon. Sick of waiting about and doing all these methods to get fuck all done. I'm getting it done and I'm getting it done asap. I'M GONNA FUCKIN BLOW I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE FUCK THIS AND FUCK THESE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

I know the feeling. When the sleepless nights get consecutive for me, I get mild auditory hallucinations. I'm afraid to tell anyone though. I don't need another "crazy person" diagnosis, and the meds that go along with it. I know I'm getting bad when I start thinking of jumping in front of one of the cars driving on the highway my building is on. My bedroom window faces the traffic and each car sounds like a passing opportunity. Semitrucks really make me want to jump. I just don't want to hurt anyone else, in any way. I'm exhausted researching methods. I see why so many people choose a gun. I used to see it as horrific, but now I see it as a quick solution to my life-a never ending problem.

 

[DeletedUser4739]

God I hate caffiene

Coffee and I broke up a few years ago. I have no desire to stimulate this experience.