Random thoughts

[AhG]

If you put super thin cheese in the oven at 380/ or whatever kind of heating device you have for 5-10 minutes, you can make cheez-itz. I have discovered the best thing for broke little me lmaoo

 

[not_a_robot]

PLEASE let there be nothing after death. I'm getting worried that after catching the bus there will be this universal conscious realm or something... and my broken, self-hating mind will spew weird intrusive thoughts everywhere against my will. Hopefully they will understand if this is the case.

I know that sounded ridiculous but I have no clue where I'll be going after I hang. Hopefully the ground to be turned into worm food but none of this world made any sense. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a continuation after this crazy nonsense we call life.

My ideal would be to not exist anymore. Just null.

or to have never existed at all.

 

[RM5998]

Mom, I just wanted you to be proud of me. Of what I did. Or am I that much of a disappointment?

Maybe I am.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I don't want to die but I can't put up with this suffering anymore. It hurts me to abandon my brother but the alternative is this living hell. I'm not sure I can do this much longer. All this internal conflict drains me away.

 

[Morphinekiss]

One appointment has now turned into 7 appointments with different specialists. Fucking shoot me already.

Tonight's date better be good. I'm demanding pizza.

 

[SinisterKid]

Why do people insist on shouting down the fucking phone, talking louder does not make you sound closer, so STFU will you. I honestly feel like taking a hammer to every phone in the house. FFS!!

 

[Scribble Fan]

Wow... I'm going to die. It feels so real, I almost can't believe it. Looking back over my life I'm not surprised I ended up this way but I'm still shocked to finally accept deep down that my time is over.

I'm determined to find peace.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Date cancelled because of the weather! Pants back off!

 

[Going Home]

Here we go again with phone hackings and watching my accounts. Lowlifes with nothing to do should mind their business. It's sad when I have to repeatedly ask people to stay out of my life.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I've told my younger brother how much I love him, how much he means to me. We reminisced about growing up together, our journey being brothers. He knows I care, he loves me back and his life is going well. He has good friends and I made him promise to always share his struggles with the ones who I know will support him, to get help if he needs it. Then I said goodbye, retiring for the night.

This may have been the last time I ever see him. He's a gift in life, I'm so proud of him. I'm glad he was my brother.

 

[inconsequential]

I'm reverting back to anorexic behaviors again, which I have a love/hate relationship with. I enjoy the control, and I enjoy how I view myself the more weight I lose.

Too many unsafe foods in the world.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I don't mine waking up alone, and spending my day alone, but damnit being in this giant bed at night all alone kills me.

 

[not_a_robot]

The members from non-English speaking countries all have such excellent English.
Is it translator apps, or are they just naturally superior to us in every way?

I don't mine waking up alone, and spending my day alone, but damnit being in this giant bed at night all alone kills me.

lol I had the opposite experience. The giant bed alone felt just right. Lots of room for laptop and snacks.
All for me, me, me!

 

[marcusuk63]

The members from non-English speaking countries all have such excellent English.
Is it translator apps, or are they just naturally superior to us in every way?

lol I had the opposite experience. The giant bed alone felt just right. Lots of room for laptop and snacks.
All for me, me, me!

i haven't been able to sleep in a bed for years , i sleep on the sofa , when i manage to sleep that is , although when i make the sofa up and turn my back for a 10 seconds and Baby Agnes has pinched it and snoring !

 

[Morphinekiss]

i haven't been able to sleep in a bed for years , i sleep on the sofa , when i manage to sleep that is , although when i make the sofa up and turn my back for a 10 seconds and Baby Agnes has pinched it and snoring !

Baby Agnes is my favorite thing on this forum!

 

[not_a_robot]

i haven't been able to sleep in a bed for years , i sleep on the sofa , when i manage to sleep that is , although when i make the sofa up and turn my back for a 10 seconds and Baby Agnes has pinched it and snoring !

caption "Oy! no pics now! I'm knackered!"

 

[marcusuk63]

caption "Oy! no pics now! I'm knackered!"

she is always knackered , she could sleep on a clothesline.... forgot to add the pic lol

 

[262653]

The members from non-English speaking countries all have such excellent English.
Is it translator apps, or are they just naturally superior to us in every way?

I cannot yet imagine a life here without google translator and dictionary and etymonline and oxford dictionary that keeps redirecting me to lexico... and sometimes quora and statexchange or whatever to cover up some nuances in word difference... I've made a conversation once without ... and I know there is a word for that thing that backs the whole carcass up... like a stick to an old man. I feel stickless now... And how would I understand all those fancy words you mercilessly... what's the word for like a dragon breath, something in the *FOSH* spirit... unleash, maybe? Exhale sounds too... pedantic. I'm not sure what it means but it sounded right. Damn, having to write a sentence to explain a word sounds like tons of fun. I should try it for a day...

 

[ScarsAndStitches]

The thought of dying doesn't scare me much.

 

[RM5998]

The members from non-English speaking countries all have such excellent English.
Is it translator apps, or are they just naturally superior to us in every way?

Even though I'm not from an English speaking country, it's pretty much my first language.
Apparently, I ended up learning the English alphabet while eating because my parents would put up a letter in Word, make the font size go up and tell me to pronounce it to force me to swallow whatever I had been chewing for the past half hour.
The first books that I read were in English, and I preferred books to people because they didn't mock my glasses. (I know, dumb reason, but I was around 3 or 4, and after a year of people telling you that you look stupid, you stop talking to them.) And my dad was part of the minority back then who both needed and could afford a decent internet connection. My parents decided to just give me more English books instead of making me learn to read and write Bengali (my mother tongue) and let me have the computer for as long as I wanted (the hatred for computer games came only around the time I turned 8).
Because I don't know my mother tongue extensively, a lot of the people I talk to IRL accuse me of rejecting my heritage and my country, among other insults. Telling them that I've never had a reason to learn Bengali isn't really enough. Apparently, the lines on the map I happen to fall under the jurisdiction of are owed a debt of some sort. Most of 'my people' have been uniformly dismissive of me at best, downright hostile at worst. What exactly do I owe these people who haven't really ever seen me as a person?

 

[not_a_robot]

Even though I'm not from an English speaking country, it's pretty much my first language.
Apparently, I ended up learning the English alphabet while eating because my parents would put up a letter in Word, make the font size go up and tell me to pronounce it to force me to swallow whatever I had been chewing for the past half hour.
The first books that I read were in English, and I preferred books to people because they didn't mock my glasses. (I know, dumb reason, but I was around 3 or 4, and after a year of people telling you that you look stupid, you stop talking to them.) And my dad was part of the minority back then who both needed and could afford a decent internet connection. My parents decided to just give me more English books instead of making me learn to read and write Bengali (my mother tongue) and let me have the computer for as long as I wanted (the hatred for computer games came only around the time I turned 8).
Because I don't know my mother tongue extensively, a lot of the people I talk to IRL accuse me of rejecting my heritage and my country, among other insults. Telling them that I've never had a reason to learn Bengali isn't really enough. Apparently, the lines on the map I happen to fall under the jurisdiction of are owed a debt of some sort. Most of 'my people' have been uniformly dismissive of me at best, downright hostile at worst. What exactly do I owe these people who haven't really ever seen me as a person?

Awww. Your parents just thought it would make you successful to also know English but rejecting Bengali seems a little strange.
They probably wanted you to be one of those cute Indian boys who kick ass at the Spelling Bee, you know the ones. All the English language spelling bee champions are Indian.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

So sick of digestive problems. Laying on the couch here at 4am with fireworks going off in my stomach. I don't even know if it's me, or my dinner was off. I just never feel okay in my mind or body anymore, there's literally always something horrible going on with me.

 

[RM5998]

Awww. Your parents just thought it would make you successful to also know English but rejecting Bengali seems a little strange.
They probably wanted you to be one of those cute Indian boys who kick ass at the Spelling Bee, you know the ones. All the English language spelling bee champions are Indian.

Their aspirations were much more... abstract. They wanted me to be successful in some way so that they could prove that they were good parents who could raise a child by themselves.
It's an incredible experience, hearing from your dad that your mom had you and sacrificed her career to raise you and teach you just to prove a point to your aunt. I mean... there's nothing really wrong about that because here in India kids are supposed to be essentially an extension of their parents' will, and my parents didn't really have a choice other than to have me and raise me the way they did. They have made conscious attempts to never force me into any field, of course - and they've never stopped me from doing anything I wanted to. But... living a lower-effort life wasn't an option, and that was the option I wanted. And if you've let your kid make their own choices for that long, you get... well, a dead end like me.

 

[Kuolema]

The thought of dying doesn't scare me much.

Same to be honest. It's not death that scares me or even what awaits me on the other side. It's waking up in a hospital bed with severe brain damage and disfigurements that keeps me from ctb. If I had access to a method I knew was surefire, I'd do it without hesitation. That's also assuming nobody was around to be traumatized by my dead body, that is stopping me too.

 

[tony.end]

i wonder when did it all start.

when did i stop watching cartoons and playing soccer in the backyard with other kids.
when did i stop smiling as soon as i knew i could have some pizza or some apple pie.
when did everything wreck.

i'm like a paper boat in a fucking ocean.
somewhere along the way it did all start, i don't know when. But I know there's no going back.

 

[inconsequential]

I love my new meds. They don't take everything away, not by far, but I'm a lot calmer than previously.

 

[Rukia]

I finally managed to get tipsy...thanks to my new weight I need like 7 beers lol...

 

[Scribble Fan]

Fuck, I've been trying not to ctb all day. I still have two and a half hours to hang. It's very hard not to, especially when I have it all figured out now.

Well, I'll just wait for the clock to tick down until my window of opportunity is over.. then my impulses should calm down, haha.

 

[Life+me=error]

We all know life is pointless but whats the point of being dead?! Pointless as well?

And why is the sun shining for billions of years?
What the fuck. What's the point?

Who goddammit created this pointless universe and why?

 

[Jen0804]

My random thoughts:
May the karma bus hurry and whack the people that have hurt all of us, soon.