Random thoughts

[WinterIsComing]

I have this person who was my friend..diagnosed borderline ( i don't hate every borderline) and she is calling my house 11 times, 4 times in Whatsapp and insulting for something that happened a month ago. I tried talking and she gets more upset with insults and mixing it with a problem she had other guy.

I'm open for a talk, not like this.

 

[Superfluous]

Had the weirdest dream. I don't normally remember dreams, but this one was so vivid.

I was desparate for money and only had 11 (why would I remember such a specific detaill) of the local currency, which isn't enough to buy anything. This part I can relate to as money is becoming an issue.

I was in the corridor of a building I didn't recognise and have never seen before in my life, but it felt like it was my home. I was in such a panic that it woke me up. I tried to go back to sleep a couple of times but just kept falling back into the same dream.

Feeling very anxious and want to take a small dose (10mg) of diazepam just to calm me down, but I'm going to be taking a large dose in a few days as required by my method, so haven't taken any for a couple of weeks. I don't think I have any real dependency on it, but don't want to take any risks...

 

[blanketyblk]

Is it good food? Keep her.

She cooked a mean spag bowl.. was super yummy.. told her she can now stay the night. lol. she has paid her dues

 

[Life+me=error]

A Youtuber who commit suicide on the 19th of June.

 

[Rukia]

I am hypomanic...It didnt happen for quite a while now...I am scared because probably a great depressive episode will follow...That is how I feel illustrated below:

 

[Memento Mori]

hello darkness, my old friend. i've come to talk to you again...lol

 

[not_a_robot]

This is sad. Our society is killing us, and we're all just standing here letting it happen.
Today they found a 29 year old Youtuber/Streamer and his name was Etika, real name Daniel Desmond Amofah. He went missing for almost a week. They found his bag and phone at a bridge and a video he had posted on his secondary channel with the title "I'm sorry" which since has been deleted. The video just basically spoke of having pushed away support and of being "consumed" by internet communities. "Let my story be one that advises caution on too much of the social media shit," he said. "It will fuck you up and give you an image of what you want your life to be. ... Unfortunately, it consumed me." They found his body today along side the river.
He clearly showed signs of mental illness last year and needed help. Yes, I understand he pushed people away, but this man was crying for help and everybody just let him down. It kinda just seems like nobody tried harder to save him even though he pushed them away.
My random thought is, why is social media trying to kill us? We are so consumed by what others have and what others think of us that it's basically draining our mentality to try to be like everybody else. I know I have seen threads about people speaking of not using it, but for some it does take a toll on the streamers/youtubers/any regular person who care enough about these types of standards we have to live up to.
Sorry for the long rant, just needed to get this off my chest.

Social media is functioning exactly as it is intended to function: by exploiting every negative aspect of human weakness.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/likes-and-dopamine.18016/

 

[Scribble Fan]

Everything I do embarrasses me lol. I must be the spiritual embodiment of humility.

I don't know, I guess I'm just tired of fucking up everything I touch. Gets old after a lifetime, or maybe I'm being paranoid.

 

[blanketyblk]

This is the kind of suicide that pisses me off. to take your own child's life as well. So he wouldn't be alone is beyond selfish and just totally horrible.

‘Depressed mum couldn’t bear to leave son behind’

WARNING: DISTRESSING CONTENT

www.news.com.au

 

[Scribble Fan]

This is the kind of suicide that pisses me off. to take your own child's life as well. So he wouldn't be alone is beyond selfish and just totally horrible.

‘Depressed mum couldn’t bear to leave son behind’

WARNING: DISTRESSING CONTENT

www.news.com.au

What an evil woman, at least give the poor kid a chance. Parents like this disturb me to no end.

 

[blanketyblk]

On a more positive note, today i woke up with someone else in my bed. first time in like 5 or so years.

 

[not_a_robot]

Everything I do embarrasses me lol. I must be the spiritual embodiment of humility.

I don't know, I guess I'm just tired of fucking up everything I touch. Gets old after a lifetime, or maybe I'm being paranoid.

I used to feel that. I forget how I stopped giving a shit. Painful experience, mainly. Just having enough people be shitty to me that I finally stopped giving a shit. Accepting that you just can't please anybody liberates you from the pressure of caring whether you please them or not; you don't. Also moving far from family helps. They just smother you in childhood mistakes and insecurity, it's good to get away from that shit, it suffocates.

 

[been_there]

This is the kind of suicide that pisses me off. to take your own child's life as well. So he wouldn't be alone is beyond selfish and just totally horrible.

‘Depressed mum couldn’t bear to leave son behind’

WARNING: DISTRESSING CONTENT

www.news.com.au

Child murders are despicable beyond words. Parents who can't recognise their own child as an individual, only an extension of themselves. Yet society encourages that mindset.

She worked in adoptions for 15 years, which would have instilled control of children and professional self-righteousness, but that won't be considered. She was very troubled and certainly should have been supported, there were plenty of warnings. Have huge sympathy for her up until she presumed her child agreed with her.

Inquest details here https://theworldnews.net/uk-news/depressed-mother-treated-son-to-mcdonald-s-happy-meal-before-jumping-into-icy-reservoir-to-kill-them

 

[inconsequential]

I hate worrying about money as much as I do. Even when I'm fine, I'm not fine. It's not fine. There can be money in my account and it isn't fine because what if it goes away and none ever comes back...? Even if that is totally illogical based on my income?

Growing up in severe poverty broke me. Everything else, too, but yeah. Fuck I wish I could just be content with one thing in life.

 

[blanketyblk]

The men’s mental health crisis Australia can no longer ignore

TODAY in Australia, six men will take their own lives.

www.news.com.au

 

[Life+me=error]

"Never let another girl like you, work me over Never let another girl like you, drag me under If I meet another girl like you, I will tell her Never want another girl like you, have to say Oooooh"

Singing this in my head for some reason.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Hiding in my blankets, I do not feel well, starting to feel like I did in the hospital. If this is it, so long lovelies.

 

[akita]

God I'm so frustrated and alone. I've been trying to lose weight to hang myself and I'm getting nowhere. I wanted to live for maybe the span of 2 days and then everything went to shit again. I guess I'm just not good at appreciating what I have. Fuck.

 

[RM5998]

Can you ever say that you're your own person if you've spent your life existing only to make someone else happy? If you've settled into becoming a tool for someone else, are they allowed to criticize you for being a poor instrument?

 

[inconsequential]

The guy I've been with for years (solely for the reason of, he pays for the medications that keep me alive) keeps telling me that he wishes I would just die already, that everyone who ever loved me is dead, shit like that. It's gotten so much worse over the last year. He drove in the wrong lane last Halloween while screaming at me that he wanted to kill me.

If I had my N right now, it'd finally be over. It'd make everyone happy.

 

[Morphinekiss]

The guy I've been with for years (solely for the reason of, he pays for the medications that keep me alive) keeps telling me that he wishes I would just die already, that everyone who ever loved me is dead, shit like that. It's gotten so much worse over the last year. He drove in the wrong lane last Halloween while screaming at me that he wanted to kill me.

If I had my N right now, it'd finally be over. It'd make everyone happy.

Gain access to his money then cut off his balls.

 

[not_a_robot]

The guy I've been with for years (solely for the reason of, he pays for the medications that keep me alive) keeps telling me that he wishes I would just die already, that everyone who ever loved me is dead, shit like that. It's gotten so much worse over the last year. He drove in the wrong lane last Halloween while screaming at me that he wanted to kill me.

If I had my N right now, it'd finally be over. It'd make everyone happy.

Whatever he's paying for isn't worth it, sister. Does he fancy himself to be "in love with you" and therefore justified in being angry at you for being unwell? Or does he fancy himself to be your co-passenger on the death-bus?
I have to deal with shitty social workers now that I'm NEET, but it beats the hell out of dealing with actual interpersonal relationships.
Good luck.

 

[inconsequential]

Whatever he's paying for isn't worth it, sister. Does he fancy himself to be "in love with you" and therefore justified in being angry at you for being unwell? Or does he fancy himself to be your co-passenger on the death-bus?
I have to deal with shitty social workers now that I'm NEET, but it beats the hell out of dealing with actual interpersonal relationships.
Good luck.

He fancies himself to be in love with me, although his actions and words speak volumes otherwise.

If they weren't inhalers & pills that kept me from being so constipated that I vomit my own shit.

I just want to catch my fucking bus. I'm tired & between the medical shit & every man who has ever touched me, I want off the ride. I hope A writes me back tomorrow.

 

[not_a_robot]

He fancies himself to be in love with me, although his actions and words speak volumes otherwise.

If they weren't inhalers & pills that kept me from being so constipated that I vomit my own shit.

I just want to catch my fucking bus. I'm tired & between the medical shit & every man who has ever touched me, I want off the ride. I hope A writes me back tomorrow.

Been there. The guy who thinks he loves me more than anything in the world is a manipulative fucking control-freak who thought constantly trying to manipulate me was ok because he "meant well".
Then they get all pissy and angry at you for failing to be "fixed" by their creepy little mindgames, when you are just the same person as when they met you and not deceiving them at all.
Are you not sick enough to be considered disabled?

 

[inconsequential]

Been there. The guy who thinks he loves me more than anything in the world is a manipulative fucking control-freak who thought constantly trying to manipulate me was ok because he "meant well".
Then they get all pissy and angry at you for failing to be "fixed" by their creepy little mindgames, when you are just the same person as when they met you and not deceiving them at all.
Are you not sick enough to be considered disabled?

I was denied disability twice by the same dipshit judge. 3 judges ruled that she was WRONG on her initial fucking ruling. Case got bopped back to her anyway.

6 spinal cord compressions + rare lung disease = "you can work construction".

 

[Scribble Fan]

PLEASE let there be nothing after death. I'm getting worried that after catching the bus there will be this universal conscious realm or something... and my broken, self-hating mind will spew weird intrusive thoughts everywhere against my will. Hopefully they will understand if this is the case.

I know that sounded ridiculous but I have no clue where I'll be going after I hang. Hopefully the ground to be turned into worm food but none of this world made any sense. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a continuation after this crazy nonsense we call life.

My ideal would be to not exist anymore. Just null.

 

[Throwaway9787]

I know suicide is rational for me. Why cant i make it happen.

 

[Life+me=error]

Freedom is near

 

[Life+me=error]

Being alive is a curse. Holy shit.

When I was nothing or whatever I was I did just fine for billions of years.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I have a date tomorrow? What? How did this happen? Can I use my tumors to get out of this? Why did I say yes