Random thoughts

[throwaway123]

I just realized something. I could do it anytime. Anytime.
I just keep pushing the date. This weekend, next weekend, this or that....
What am I waiting for?

 

[suffering]

I just kinda sorta got stood up for a date. It was my fault partly as well, I as left it on last minute and was a bit aloof about it, but still I feel uncomfortable.

 

[Loli]

It's easy to die for someone yet so hard to live for

 

[Circles]

I just realized something. I could do it anytime. Anytime.
I just keep pushing the date. This weekend, next weekend, this or that....
What am I waiting for?

Been wondering the same thing. Like we'd save ourselves so much future suffering by doing it but I feel stuck not knowing how to will myself myself to push through. If only we were able to 'see' what kind of future awaits us then maybe it'd motivate me to do something.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Well I was trolled by my own shower this morning. I was in there doing my thing and I was like "this shower gel sure smells perfumy." Turns out it's for women I guess. But I feel like this bottle is pretty manly/gender ambiguous, even though I was a dumbass for buying it. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind or judging things incorrectly a lot. I hate that.

 

[Donewith_]

This eve seems so perfect, just the way i wanted.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I find a quiet surreality in how much apprehension I'm facing in my suicidal thoughts. Why am I so bothered? Once I'm gone I wont have a mind to be worried anymore. There will be no concept of time for me, no view of the pain I will leave behind. One second or a billion years could pass and I'd have no idea, my younger sibling and everything I love and stay for would be gone in a flash along with me.

Nothing would matter, yet here I am. Unable to leave.

 

[coileanbeag]

I am ruined, and its mostly if not entirely my fault. As I age it gets worse in every respect. My birthday is soon and it hurts, I almost feel like crying but I still can't.

 

[Circles]

It's just weird how disinterested I've become on mostly everything. I even found Reddit more depressing than here. What happens when I'm tired of it all, then what? Like wtf man.

 

[suffering]

I am ruined, and its mostly if not entirely my fault. As I age it gets worse in every respect. My birthday is soon and it hurts, I almost feel like crying but I still can't.

I feel you. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how much is my fault and how much was in the hands of destiny. Such a blurry line.

 

[AhG]

You love me but you don't like me.

 

[Donewith_]

I do not want to go through another 13 days to see the day that I was born on. Days are moving too slowly, I don't want to go through this again.I remember how it was the last time. Want to sleep for a good time.

 

[Rukia]

It is so sad so many people wanting to die...where is God if he exists? I am losing my faith rapidly, I pray but only in hope of being saved by my prayers from hell not out of love for God...

I was somehow sure about CTB but then I read the forum and I was like people here really want to CTB...ang got scared...when obtaining N proved to be real possibility...got even more scared...

 

[Life sucks]

Whenever I see news about suicide, I feel like I'm the only one feeling about them and the suffering while others say shit.

 

[NextSummer]

@Honigwaffel just said that he will suicide tomorrow. Whenever somebody declares his suicide here, I go out for a little walk for this person. It's a way of honouring this person and at the same time a way for contemplating my own potential suicide. I walk past a field of wheat and trainways and a little forest.

 

[throwaway777]

i wish i could die in my bed ): killing ms in a place idk makes my anxiety a lot worse

 

[Voy]

can't find a way to ctb. I have no money, living with my mother and have social anxiety. Need money and/or a private place for ctb. Can try working toward it in a few years but I would be dead by pain and illness by then.
can't find a way to ctb. I have no money, living with my mother and have social anxiety. Need money and/or a private place for ctb. Can try working toward it in a few years but I would be dead by pain and illness by then.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I used to like roleplay. Or any play, really. Videogames was (were?) a great way to kill off two days in a blink.
Now I feel really really empty. Actually empty, like I am nothing more than a well crafted bag made of meat that walks around. I used to feel some of my organs (bear with me here, I'm crazy, but not THAT crazy) working, but now the only thing I feel is my bladder and... colon, I think it's called. The rest is emptiness.
I wonder if this feeling drives people into hardcore drugs; wouldn't be surprised to learn it does.

 

[Donewith_]

Emptiness kills.
Why does it take time to implement the things which you already are true and is the path you must take.

 

[15dec]

I'm actually starting to feel a little bit better.. I wouldn't say happy and I'm definitely not cured, but things seem to be improving for now :)

 

[Severen]

I'm actually starting to feel a little bit better.. I wouldn't say happy and I'm definitely not cured, but things seem to be improving for now :)

Have you started taking new meds?

 

[15dec]

Have you started taking new meds?

Nope, I decided to drop out of sixth form and do an apprenticeship instead. It's helping me get my anxiety/depression to a more tolerable level, surprisingly

 

[Severen]

Nope, I decided to drop out of sixth form and do an apprenticeship instead. It's helping me get my anxiety/depression to a more tolerable level, surprisingly

Ah, cutting out the toxic shit out of your life?

 

[15dec]

Ah, cutting out the toxic shit out of your life?

As much of it as I can :)

 

[Severen]

As much of it as I can :)

For some people, all it takes is removing everything toxic from your life and it can make a huge difference. I hope you find more toxic things to remove from your life. :)

 

[15dec]

For some people, all it takes is removing everything toxic from your life and it can make a huge difference. I hope you find more toxic things to remove from your life. :)

Thank you :)

 

[SkyBlue]

Nope, I decided to drop out of sixth form and do an apprenticeship instead. It's helping me get my anxiety/depression to a more tolerable level, surprisingly

Do you have an idea what might make the difference?

 

[15dec]

Do you have an idea what might make the difference?

No idea, I guess I just cope better in that environment compared to how it was in sixth form. Actually being interested in and enjoying the apprenticeship and being around more mature people/less drama probably helps too

 

[SkyBlue]

No idea, I guess I just cope better in that environment compared to how it was in sixth form. Actually being interested in and enjoying the apprenticeship and being around more mature people/less drama probably helps too

Less going on/less people around/less stimuli?

 

[NOT]

But she keeps asking if I've been baptized and I just want to give her one single middle finger.