In what year you truly died inside?

[LONE WOLF.]

I died in the year 1991 when God the cockless Bastard took my Soulmate from me, l was 19 and she was 21 and we had our whole lives planned out, she was 9 weeks pregnant and a drunk driver side swiped her on her way home from doing some clothes shopping! When the police turned up at the farm my heart died and l cried for a week solid, then l joined the army hoping to get shot so l could join her but it turned out l was a good sniper and survived 9 years in uniform!

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

2018. Months of joint pain, swelling and stiffness, exacerbated by the fear of becoming disabled and losing autonomy of my body, gradually wore away my resolve. The me of the past and as of now are like chalk and cheese.

 

[Trannydiary]

2018

 

[stygal]

I was fairly healthy (even with my disability) up until 2014 where suddenly my legs would hurt and I couldn't really move...I thought it would pass
...but here we are: 7 years later and no doctor can tell me where this additional pain is coming from.
Ever since then I just wanted to ctb (it's been a dream of mine since the early childhood) even more to make this hellish nightmare come to an end.

 

[Final_frontier]

2007 when I contracted this terrible mental affliction OCD and anxiety

 

[the_phoenix_project]

2015 was the year when I almost attempted suicide, but there have been signs since 2010. I've never really had a proper relationship with symbolic authority. I'm also really asocial, like I have this uncanny ability to make people become really bored with me in a minute and move on. I don't think there's any hope left for me, maybe if there were some kind of intervention in 2011/2012 things would turn out differently but who knows.

 

[ac9830]

2017 was the year when life flipped on me and from there things have never been the same

 

[DocNo]

i guess parts of me died 1997 when i was shot in the head in my dream.
but maybe i was already dead on arrival, being born into a family which was breathing depression and anxiety like air for at least two or three generations.

crazy enough that i now for the first time experience real love and life in an aware and not "manic" state of mind which now feels that back then in my youth and early adulthood only part of me lived while the other part was buried till it took over and dragged me down into the rabbit hole of despair and self chosen isolation for over 20 years.

so i feel right now not like a walking dead for quite some time.

 

[k75]

12/15/2010

Yes, I'm keeping count. :(

 

[fly away]

Since I was 11.
1972

 

[Ender]

January of 2016. The start of the constant agony that will surely persistent until death.

 

[Toonloon]

2016

 

[Noriv159]

It's been a moving process since 2016 but I think I really died last year October.

 

[SpinTop555]

Last year, 2020. I want to die every second of existence.

 

[L0b5t3r]

2009 really for no apparent reason

 

[OrdinaryDay]

2012-2014 wrong people wrong time

 

[Noriv159]

I wonder what is hustling us en masse these years. It seems there is a universal cue for such as our tragedies that go unexplained in recent generations. I wonder what holds for us, really.

 

[HungryGhost]

Somewhere around 1999-2004. I dont remember exactly when it happened. i was 0-5 years old snd severely abused sexually and emotionally

 

[NightmareTour]

Partly 2010 when a disease wiped out part of my brain, but 2020 finished me off

 

[Wrennie]

I've always hated my life to a degree, but for me 2020 was when sh*t really hit the fan (and I'm not even referring to the Corona virus). I jumped off of a building in early March, so it was long before the pandemic had reached such heights.

 

[Fragile]

you know the worst part about being optimistic and holding on to hope?

It's the fact that you slowly die, but never let go of the things that keep you going regardless of how bad things deteriorate around you.

But everyone has a limit.
2021

 

[awfullife]

Nov 13, 2015...The day she divorced me and I lost a normal life with kids.

 

[Cutepoison]

2019

 

[Deleted member 23885]

I was eleven years old, it was 2011. Back, when I started secondary school (what Americans call middle school). I feel like I'm doomed.

 

[Wakawaka]

It's hard for me to say, I feel like I died at several moments but I'd probably have to say in 2017, I suddenly realized that a family member had molested me, it really broke me, destroyed my ability to be around my family, even those unrelated to the incident. Shortly after that my family started abusing me, lost alot of friends

Can't say I've been the same since

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

In what year you died spiritually? for me its was in 2014 when my grandfather and cousin died i was never the same after that

Good question. 2014.

You all are making me feel like a old man already, being able to recall specific years.
The year my mother died. I can't remember which one it was anymore.

Same. Sorry that you lost your mom.

It's hard for me to say, I feel like I died at several moments but I'd probably have to say in 2017, I suddenly realized that a family member had molested me, it really broke me, destroyed my ability to be around my family, even those unrelated to the incident

I'm so sorry that you went through something so unspeakably horrible.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

I've been emotionally dead pretty much since I was self-aware---that is, I always hated my life and wished I was dead. And had CTB wishes ever since I learned suicide existed, since age 8 or so. My whole life was a struggle against keeping misery away from me: by making misery-reducing choices, my associating with positive people, and/or by using substances (like alcohol and prescriptions). My whole life is an ongoing struggle against god/society wanting to keep me suicidally miserable, while I want to just be happy, at any cost including my life.

Today, I'm doing not half-bad. I have an Effexor prescription, I can buy alcohol any time I want, I can buy cigarettes any time I want, and I made new friends who don't worship the Coronavirus and still want to socialize. But even so, I feel like I'm living on borrowed time with a ticking time bomb chained to my leg. That is, anything that makes me even slightly happy will end right this moment, and I'll be once again as miserable as I was as a child or when I first joined this site.

 

[Megadeth]

2014

 

[selfdeprecatingjoke]

For me it was 2020. The pandemic forced me to realize how fucked my life was because of all of my bad decisions. It also enabled me to isolate myself from society even further, which was an urge id been fighting against for the longest time, but now it's finally fulfilled.

 

[Deformationalplagio]

Dont know the exact year when i first noticed my deformity as a child. Am i the only one who has been suicidal since young because of health complications or a facial diffrence?