I wish I knew exactly how my aunt shot herself

[undecidedfool]

I know it's a little fucked up, but I wish I knew. She ctb seemingly impulsively during an argument with her boyfriend a few years ago (we suspect drugs and/or alcohol were involved).
It's partially morbid curiosity, but also partially for research. How did she manage to do it so quickly in the middle of an argument? How afraid was she? Was she on anything that made it easier?
I'll never know though, because that would involve hunting down her douche-canoe boyfriend, or, even more fucked up, asking my little cousin who may have witnessed it, which I would never do in a million years.
I don't know. Sorry for the weird confession/ramble

 

[never mind me]

I understand, especially as you also plan to ctb by gunshot.
When I seriously considered ctb by hanging I was also very drawn to watching videos from people who ctb that way. I am still very fascinated by it, despite feeling somewhat better.