If you found the love of your life would you still want to ctb?

[Hunter]

There was a user here who said it perfectly in her goodbye note before she ctb: Anything I attach to will become my own undoing.

 

[restforeternity]

The love of my life checked out without warning me when even though I wanted to be there with him. I could not imagine the rest of my life without him.

 

[lizinha]

No i'd actually seek appreciation for life and want to stay.Downside is he doesnt feel the same way about me anymore.

 

[123die]

I found the love of my life and we cNtc be together so yeah I do.
But if we could be together then probably still for a little while, but I don't so much after I got used to being with him. He's a pretty amazing dude

 

[Chlo]

No i'd actually seek appreciation for life and want to stay.Downside is he doesnt feel the same way about me anymore.

):
Can relate, I'm sorry.

 

[seekingoblivion]

It would make it a hell of a lot more difficult to ctb definitely. Simply because I know it would hurt her and I wouldn't want to hurt her in any way I imagine. But if it would eliminate the desire to ctb is an entirely different thing. Existential dread is motherfucker.

 

[snowman626]

im already 33 and never even had a girlfriend, with every year i get older it just gets more and more hopeless. the only sexual experience ive had is at a massage parlor. escorts are my only option

 

[Meretlein]

I still would. It doesn't seem like anyone can mitigate the agony of being here. I'm asexual and I have so many friends but I just can't stand it here.

 

[borntodie777]

Certainly would, relationships take work. Once the honeymoon is over there will be fights and arguments.

Lots of drama too which would make you feel even more miserable. I have been through that and so much more.

Should've ctb'd in childhood

 

[Roberto]

I found my love 10 years ago, or so. I had doubts, while I was with her. I had thoughts of ctb but I didn't want to then. Three years ago she left me. Now I'm free to fly. I give thanks to the relationship. I was enloved with her and she was my link with the world and my best friend. Now I'm alone, surviving in the emptiness of the world. It is very difficult for me to know new persons, so I can say that to be with my ex-girlfriend was a miracle. I don't expect to find another person. I'm not open to it. Whoever was it wouldn't work. And saying goodbye is too hard.

 

[Eren]

Maybe, but I do not think that exists at least for me

 

[daemonblight]

Somewhat. I'd still long for death, but I'd be less active researching/trying out methods and I'd try hard to live for him.

Maybe, but I do not think that exists at least for me

Same

 

[Into The Wild]

I did find her. Then she left when my anxiety became too much and made me suspicious. I won't ever find another like her, I know it in my heart. Even if I did I would be terrified she'd leave too which would in turn push her away. I know my love life is over. Trying to focus on career but that isn't going too well at the moment. I thought maybe this would all be for something.

 

[Kim]

The love of my life would want too die with me.

When it's time: Same

 

[SeekingSolace]

There are so many reasons I want to ctb...but to be honest, dealing with the depression, anxiety, and seizures is much easier when I have someone who makes me feel loved. There is something to be said for the level of intimacy you encounter when you're truly in love with someone. It's intoxicating. It makes the struggles I deal with feel more surmountable. I'm not saying a relationship would save me...but my tolerance concerning life's difficulties is much higher when I have someone who loves me by my side. If that makes any sense.

 

[AhG]

The problem with this question, in my opinion is, that I already have. We got married and shit happened that wasn't in my control. I loved her so damn much, and she was absolutely in love with me, but she was tired of my shit. I understand why, and I don't blame her. I'm only here because I don't want to live my life without her. If I have the chance in another life with her, I'll do it. If not, I'll wait for her.

 

[Redt2go]

I suffer clinical depression since age 5.
Too much to describe here.
I have a post in Introduce Yourself thread which covers it.

I'm sorry if you answered this elsewhere but did you try antidepressants? *asking for a friend*

 

[Worthless_nobody]

When I had the love of my life that was the happiest I have ever been. Ctb never entered my mind. I lost him thru a fleeting fascination and an idiotic mistake that lead to the ruin of my life. Loosing my soulmate is not the only reason I want to ctb though, it is a combination of bad events in my life (rape, severe abuse). I have no desire to find anyone else. I have been thru so much pain, hurt and trauma in the relationships that followed there is simply no way im risking being hurt that bad again. I think even if i got my soulmate back i would still want to ctb at this point because all the bad memories and trauma cannot be erased.

 

[Sotipoola]

I think it depends on if you believe in the concept of love, I, myself don't so I'd still ctb.

 

[color_me_gone]

I'm sorry if you answered this elsewhere but did you try started on antidepressants? *asking for a friend*

Started on Prozac in 1990 for about 1-2 yrs.
Then to Zoloft ever since.
Actually generic equivalent when it became available.

Worked for a while, but no longer effective now.
I take 200mg/day, which is about the most they will prescribe.
Meds are not effective for long term depression.
Neither is therapy.

 

[Minudah]

Everyone exists to attack and hurt lab rats. "Love" is bullshit used to attack lab rats. It's make them vulnerable think they're safe, but anyone who lies and says they don't want to hurt you is the most dangerous. They exist to attack us

 

[color_me_gone]

Do they make it possible for you to get out of bed and function?

I function.
I walk around with a happy face.
Deep inside I am very sad.
I cry a lot.
I keep it hidden.

 

[Redt2go]

I function.
I walk around with a happy face.
Deep inside I am very sad.
I cry a lot.
I keep it hidden.

 

[Redt2go]

Experimenters created the simulation to see what happens when they torture lab rats

okay

 

[Roberto]

Started on Prozac in 1990 for about 1-2 yrs.
Then to Zoloft ever since.
Actually generic equivalent when it became available.

Worked for a while, but no longer effective now.
I take 200mg/day, which is about the most they will prescribe.
Meds are not effective for long term depression.
Neither is therapy.

I took sertraline for a pair of years 200mg. It worked until I tried ctb. After trying some other antidepressants, I started another time with sertraline (Zoloft), but 100mg. I started 15 days ago.
I currently go to psychologist once a month.

 

[favourite]

I'd probably abandon my thoughts of ctb if I found the true love, but it would have to come with the whole package of mental stability... If I found love now, I probably wouldn't even know how to act and what to do. After years of total solitude and isolation I have gotten into certain habits, certain routines and behaviors that would surely repel anyone. If I opened up, I'd have to show everything, but who would want to see the scars, websites about suicide, books about suicide and apocalypse and weird religions, me lying in bed for days, my ugliness after all this years of being numb to the world? If there is love that could put up with all this shit, I sure as fuck will never know one.

 

[SeekingSolace]

I function.
I walk around with a happy face.
Deep inside I am very sad.
I cry a lot.
I keep it hidden.

Ditto. Except I don't always do a great job of hiding my anxiety. Especially when a panic attack leads to a seizure. But I'm pretty good at faking optimism. It makes those around me feel more comfortable.

 

[color_me_gone]

I took sertraline for a pair of years 200mg. It worked until I tried ctb. After trying some other antidepressants, I started another time with sertraline (Zoloft), but 100mg. I started 15 days ago.
I currently go to psychologist once a month.

Thanks!
Is it working for you?
How long is your depression?

 

[color_me_gone]

Ditto.

Only time I had anxiety is when I tried to stop my meds myself.
I went nuts with anxiety then! Couldn't sleep - felt like I needed to jump out of my skin.
Course, when you stop them, it takes several days to feel the effects. I nearly went crazy.
Sooooo, long story short, while the meds are not relieving my depression, I have to stay on them to prevent anxiety.
They caused this anxiety problem, never was troubled with it before.

 

[SeekingSolace]

Only time I had anxiety is when I tried to stop my meds myself.
I went nuts with anxiety then! Couldn't sleep - felt like I needed to jump out of my skin.
Course, when you stop them, it takes several days to feel the effects. I nearly went crazy.
Sooooo, long story short, while the meds are not relieving my depression, I have to stay on them to prevent anxiety.
They caused this anxiety problem, never was troubled with it before.

I'm sorry to hear that, anxiety can be pure torment. As you mentioned, it's like you're in a constant state of unrest. Antidepressants actually made my depression worse, so they just keep me on Gabapentin for the anxiety at the moment.