If you found the love of your life would you still want to ctb?

[SirChuxAlot]

I honestly don't know if there is someone I can give that title but it is hard to say. Being alone is very low on my list of things that bring about depression and sometimes I wonder if I just miss the physical aspect or the emotional aspect of having a relationship.

 

[ForestLove]

I have it for 14years but it's time to set both me and him free.

 

[Crimsonskye]

The love of my life now hates me and that only makes me want to ctb even more.

 

[color_me_gone]

The love of my life now hates me and that only makes me want to ctb even more.

:(

 

[Redt2go]

The love of my life now hates me and that only makes me want to ctb even more.

mood

 

[Glim]

N is the love of my life

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

If against the great odds that happened, I'd still have to face that I'm what I am. Maintaining love, I think, is at least as hard as finding/inspiring it, compounding the initial odds. But if both could happen, I'd stick around until I had to leave. I'm utterly convinced I'll have to leave. I can't afford old age and our world/culture isn't able to provide all old people what they need to be content. So love would just be another temporary distraction. Much, much, much rather never to have been born.

 

[yami9292]

I think about this often as well but I still feel as though the thoughts of ctb and my depression are going to be there no matter what. I can love but I find it may be hard for someone to love me. But if they truly made me see how beautiful this world was, even for a short time then maybe I would hold off ctb for longer than I plan to now. But sadly it doesn't work that and I will still most likely be depressed.

 

[Sbwakaka]

Yes.. I am already with my love..but I still want to ctb..it's two different things..love is warm and sweet but still not enough to make me feel better

 

[iiii5555]

This hypothetical scnenario has no grounds in reality, so i won't be able to give an meaningfull answer.

 

[Wallflower]

i wouldn't ctb if someone loved me, cause it would show me that there's hope. the main reason i want to ctb is cause i hate being stuck inside my skin, and i hate how i look.

 

[meaningisgone]

Just curious. I sometimes wonder what would happen if that happened if I would be more or less depressed. Most attractive women my age though are taken. How do you feel about it?

It's like this. If I was in love and someone was in love with me, I'd probably have a lot more will to live. It's hard to want to off yourself when your brain is full of feel-good chemicals and you have a sense of purpose and responsibility related to another person's wellbeing and happiness.

Here's the thing. A couple things. 1) I have totally given up on searching for love, I am so apathetic about life and worn out that it simply isn't a priority anymore, 2) I am not living my life in a way that would be likely to attract a mate (I am out of shape, not financially independent, oh, and I hardly ever leave my bedroom). Also, I guess 3) I am to an age in life where I feel pretty discontent with basing my happiness and will to live on a relationship. I've seen a whole lot of relationships end. It's just a non-sustainable way to function.

For me at this point, I feel like the only way forward is to find a will to live that comes from within. Or kill myself, whatever.

 

[AhG]

The love of my life now hates me and that only makes me want to ctb even more.

I hate this for you because I know the feeling.

 

[meaningisgone]

And as I was saying in chat tonight, I am not even sure I'd respect someone who professed their love for me in the sad state I am in, haha. At least I'd know they aren't using me for my money.

 

[Eren]

It's like this. If I was in love and someone was in love with me, I'd probably have a lot more will to live. It's hard to want to off yourself when your brain is full of feel-good chemicals and you have a sense of purpose and responsibility related to another person's wellbeing and happiness.

Here's the thing. A couple things. 1) I have totally given up on searching for love, I am so apathetic about life and worn out that it simply isn't a priority anymore, 2) I am not living my life in a way that would be likely to attract a mate (I am out of shape, not financially independent, oh, and I hardly ever leave my bedroom). Also, I guess 3) I am to an age in life where I feel pretty discontent with basing my happiness and will to live on a relationship. I've seen a whole lot of relationships end. It's just a non-sustainable way to function.

For me at this point, I feel like the only way forward is to find a will to live that comes from within. Or kill myself, whatever.

I feel the same, I would like to have a partner but I do not think I'm made for that either.

 

[meaningisgone]

I feel the same, I would like to have a partner but I do not think I'm made for that either.

Out of curiosity, what about yourself makes you feel unqualified for a partner? I mean, I have a huge laundry list of reasons about myself. I am just curious about yours.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I'd ctb the same. we don't have anything real in this life, love like other things will end up. i don't bother myself in these things anymore

 

[meaningisgone]

I'd ctb the same. we don't have anything real in this life, love like other things will end up. i don't bother myself in these things anymore

I might understand what you mean to an extent. Having a partner used to be ultra important to me, maybe even the most important thing. For me personally, finding a partner started to gradually feel like an unrealistic priority over these past couple years and I've gotten to a point where although I'm lonely, I just don't bother myself in these things anymore. It's weird for me to witness that shift. Anything I've ever wanted for myself, I have given up on. Now I am just a meaningless blob. Which is part of why I am serious about ending it soon.

 

[Marc]

Probably not. I've found the love of my life twice and i felt so alive then. God i miss that feeling.

 

[meaningisgone]

Probably not. I've found the love of my life twice and i felt so alive then. God i miss that feeling.

Last time I felt that way (or my version of it anyway) was in 2013, when I was in my early thirties, and I NEVER thought I could feel so awesome with someone as an adult. I thought that was reserved for dumb teenagers. It made me feel ten years younger, being with her.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I'd ctb the same. we don't have anything real in this life, love like other things will end up. i don't bother myself in these things anymore

Love it!

 

[essbet]

I have, maybe, but I can't keep subjecting him to me. He's younger than me by a bit, adventurous, laid-back, artistic. I drag him down even when I'm doing okay because I just don't genuinely enjoy anything. He deserves someone as passionate for life as he is.

I was worried about this even when we got together a couple of years ago, but at that time I was sort of high on the new relationship and overly optimistic that I could change.

 

[meaningisgone]

I have, maybe, but I can't keep subjecting him to me. He's younger than me by a bit, adventurous, laid-back, artistic. I drag him down even when I'm doing okay because I just don't genuinely enjoy anything. He deserves someone as passionate for life as he is.

I was worried about this even when we got together a couple of years ago, but at that time I was sort of high on the new relationship and overly optimistic that I could change.

That's a sad feeling for me, feeling like I take away from what others would enjoy, simply by being present and trying to participate. Part of what it means to feel like a burden to others.

 

[Pipe11]

I did. Losing her is the sorrowest pain of my entire life.

 

[Eren]

Out of curiosity, what about yourself makes you feel unqualified for a partner? I mean, I have a huge laundry list of reasons about myself. I am just curious about yours.

• Many inferiority complexes
• Sexual problems, I'm going through a confusing stage in terms of sexual identity
• Extremely neurotic, and therefore, jealous, in fact I lost my ex-girlfriend for this reason
• Social isolation

And you?

 

[Crimsonskye]

mood

How do I justify my own existence when I just make people hate me?

 

[Redt2go]

How do I justify my own existence when I just make people hate me?

Why does your existence need to be justified? Justified to who?

 

[Eren]

Out of curiosity, what about yourself makes you feel unqualified for a partner? I mean, I have a huge laundry list of reasons about myself. I am just curious about yours.

Hi!
Did you read my answer?

 

[Dog Food]

Yes, but I'd feel a lot guiltier about it.

 

[Jacquelyn]

I think I'm already with her...
I don't want to go. But I have to.