If you found the love of your life would you still want to ctb?

[AlePizarnik]

Just curious. I sometimes wonder what would happen if that happened if I would be more or less depressed. Most attractive women my age though are taken. How do you feel about it?

Love doesn't exist

 

[Final Escape]

I am pretty sad that I can't really feel love. I don't know if it's because I've always been depressed, or because of my severe dissociation, or if I have a personality disorder. Maybe all three.

Basically when I'm in a relationship it feels like I'm faking it. That's not to say I am indifferent or uncaring, but I have never experienced that kind of crazy, all-encompassing love you often hear about. Does that even exist, or is it just infatuation/lust? I don't know. I just know that everything I've been involved in has always become a kind of brother/sister or roommate type relationship. I have to force myself to kiss or have sex.

The closest I came to feeling major "love" was with my first serious girlfriend at 18. She stomped all over my heart and I felt kind of blah about every romantic relationship thereafter.

Based on that, I'm guessing I wouldn't be able to know or feel the love of my life. So the answer would be yes.

Same here :(

 

[DeadlyLiving]

Love doesn't exist

I've read that the feeling of love is similar to addiction, it releases the same hormones and you basically can't get enough of it so you like to keep the person that makes you feel it around.

To answer the question of the thread, I am still missing my ex boyfriend and I just tried to message him after 8 months of having no contact. He really made me at least feel happy sometimes and made me laugh. But as usual I ruined it with my reckless selfishness. I am basically like a wrecking ball destroying everything that makes me not feel depressed and lonely.
Maybe I am not a person that was made to be in a relationship. But non the less I'd really like him to answer me, but I doubt he will..

 

[airixv]

I had it and now it's gone, that's my main reason for wanting to go. I'd welcome back the abuse and everything in a heartbeat if he would take me back. Because it was worth it. It was better than feeling the void that I'm left with now. I don't believe I will ever find someone like him again. At least not here in NZ. Maybe if I get out of here but I don't have any life left in me to try anymore. I just don't care to. He's completely broken me and taught me that everything turns to shit. And no one will ever be him.

Side note. It kind of hurts to hear people saying that physically attractive people all inherently have better chances at finding a mate, as a blanket statement. Not to sound conceited but by society's standards I'm "attractive". And I'm unbearably lonely, hopeless, empty, and bereft. It's not easy at all for me to find a compatible partner, I need true love with real substance and certain needs from a relationship, just like everyone else. It is impossibly hard to find. If anything, physical appearance can garner more of the wrong kind of attention. I want someone to love me for my mind, my character, my personality. Not for what I look like. Sorry if this rant is a bit emotionally-driven, but I'm sure other people here can relate to the frustration of hearing the most shallow ignorant garbage like "but why do you want to die, you're so beautiful?".. It's completely invalidating of my reasons for suffering, and why the hell should looks warrant living more than anyone or anything else?

 

[21Neberg]

Only by the skin of my teeth.
They called in a psychiatrist who was adamant about admitting me, I told her I did not consent over and over until she hinted at the fact that they could just lock me up if they thought I might be a danger to myself. At which point I said I would raise hell if they tried to and threatened to write an open letter to a local newspaper telling them I had been treated like shit and kept there against my will. They let me go after that.
I was sweating bullets at the time, but it kid of makes for a fun story. I still read the report they gave me for a laugh every once in a while.

Sounds like a movie! Good job keeping yourself out of that mental hospital.

 

[therhydler]

I actually got dumped today. I really just want to die as much as I did yesterday, but now with a broken heart.

This made me sad, I'm sorry :(

 

[21Neberg]

This made me sad, I'm sorry :(

You don't have to be sorry. Let's look at this from the positive side - this is just another thing to finally push me over edge to CTB

 

[Nohopepebble]

I found someone i loved and I didn't CBT and that just ended in being heartbroken to a level I can't get back from. I wish I had chosen to go through with CBT the first time so I didn't have to feel the way i do now

 

[Ghastly]

Just curious. I sometimes wonder what would happen if that happened if I would be more or less depressed. Most attractive women my age though are taken. How do you feel about it?

I wouldn't ctb. I'd be happy to stay with them despite my lack of enthusiasm about life. Also wouldn't want them to be upset or scarred if they I did ctb. The guilt..

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

Honestly, I don't try to get a girlfriend as much as I would like to do that but I don't think it is possible for me to do that I don't think I am good enough for girls and I don't care about dating guys either so I rather date a girl who is willing to end my misery though peacefully or something but I don't think that is going to happen family and friends are the reason and cowardice, fear, thought of pain, survival instincts unless I go back to drinking alcohol which led me to drinking 32 Benadryls with water and of course once the panic kicks in the regret kicks in and survival instincts kick in I wonder how my future death will look like because I know at some point I'll die but how?

 

[airixv]

I found someone i loved and I didn't CBT and that just ended in being heartbroken to a level I can't get back from. I wish I had chosen to go through with CBT the first time so I didn't have to feel the way i do now

I'm so sorry to hear, I feel your pain <3

 

[color_me_gone]

If you found the love of your life would you still want to ctb?

I have the love of my life, and I still want to ctb.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

If you found the love of your life would you still want to ctb?

I have the love of my life, and I still want to ctb.

Interesting I am sorry to hear that what is your reason depression and some other underlying cause for me is people who make feel like killing myself because of genetics or some other human reason or lack of reason.

 

[Dor]

No, if it was the real thing, who the hell knows in how many planes of existence, space, and time I would have the chance to experience it again.

 

[color_me_gone]

what is your reason

I suffer clinical depression since age 5.
Too much to describe here.
I have a post in Introduce Yourself thread which covers it.

 

[RoadLessTraveled]

The love of my life will never love me back. One of the greatest conversations we ever had was when I thought they would take their own life with me. Turned out they didn't feel as committed as I was. Probably for the best.

 

[color_me_gone]

I'm tired of hurting people I love. Continue to live and hurt her over and over through dumb mistakes that I can or cannot control. Or CTB now, and save her a lifetime of pain and hurt because she can find someone new again that'll treat her right.

Yes, I can relate!

 

[color_me_gone]

love by itself does not fix everything that makes people depressed

YES!

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

I suffer clinical depression since age 5.
Too much to describe here.
I have a post in Introduce Yourself thread which covers it.

I hope you find peace in life and death for I don't know how I could help you may your way through the suffering you experience for I still want to live yet also die and I don't have chronic pain not yet but being an American Indonesian guy haha genetics is a bitch and suicidal thoughts are even worse if I could ease your suffering I would may you find some peace.

 

[Xaphous]

I'm not an egotistical prick bastard so why even try if I won't stand much chance. Had chances in my early 20's but never took any of them, now i'm late 20's so it's over anyway.

 

[color_me_gone]

I'm not an egotistical

Hi Xaphous,
I like your line - Birth is a Trap and Life is a Joke.
If only we could have chosen whether to be born, none of us would be here.

 

[daikon]

I found someone i loved and I didn't CBT and that just ended in being heartbroken to a level I can't get back from. I wish I had chosen to go through with CBT the first time so I didn't have to feel the way i do now

Same here. Should've ended things back in high school when I first thought about it.

 

[Nohopepebble]

Same here. Should've ended things back in high school when I first thought about it.

I feel the exact same way. Wouldve been alot less heartache to go through

 

[Muri]

It might delay it tenporarily but me ctb is inevitable.

 

[Pulpit2018]

Depending on love?Another hopeless thing...Grasping at straws here...

 

[Xaphous]

Hi Xaphous,
I like your line - Birth is a Trap and Life is a Joke.
If only we could have chosen whether to be born, none of us would be here.

I should never respond to anything when I'm in a bad mood, now I'm not so bad I can respond to this and say thanks and yes I agree with that.

 

[Broken]

Messing up with what I believe was the love of my life got me here.

 

[Broken]

Messing up with someone I love got me here. Scared shitless I'll never connect with anyone like I did with her. All the want is to have love back in my life.

 

[RyanSuicide]

Yes because my crippling depression comes back every couple months like clockwork

 

[Hunter]

Reading up on Jessica Starr, the meteorologist from Detroit, who hanged herself last week. I know this is true. She had a husband and 2 kids but decided to CTB because of the suffering she had to endure from a botched Lasik eye surgery

Any idea how long she had to live with pain?